Thanksgiving Weekend

It's been pretty intense here since I have been pretty sick for two weeks.  And sick again for Thanksgiving, seems like I am sick every year now, ever since I got violently ill one Thanksgiving Eve after having to be taken to the emergency room after I was vomiting blood from a drink I had in a bar in NYC, a drink that someone spiked.
All week I was feeling very tired, sick, sleepy and exhausted, along with the neck and headache pain.  Thanksgiving came, and I stayed in bed until 3:00, almost not even wanting to get out of bed to have dinner with my son, but I did.  I was having dinner with him because he was working, and couldn't make dinner with my family, so I went to have dinner with him after work.  It was awesome to see him, we hung out and ate for over two hours, and talked about everything.  I am so proud of him for the man he is becoming, he will be 21 years old next week.  We are really close, and can talk about pretty much anything.  He is really kind, caring, and compassionate, and has crazy energy.  All of my three kids do in different ways.  
 I made plans for Thanksgiving weekend because I needed to connect with my friends and family, but when Saturday came and I was suppose to hang out with one of my best friends, I had to cancel because I woke up with the worse neck pain once again, the kind that makes me vomit.  When I wake up this way, I put ice on my neck at about 7:00, and keep it on for a few hours, and then my neck becomes somewhat numb.  This seems to take the edge off to prevent me from vomiting.  No type of pain medicine, nor migraine medicine has ever helped.  
I stayed in Sunday most of the day, but had to run out to get some food.  I finally got to take a bath also, the epsom salt seems to help calm the pain a bit.  It at least relaxes my upper back spasms for sometime.  Staying in this room all weekend and being sick and in pain was definitely a challenge.  I kept myself busy by wrapping the Christmas gifts I got, because staying in bed all day in this room isn't very fun.  Wrapping cheers me up, excited to give others the gifts I bought, and I do love Christmas time.  It's so fun to buy for others, wrap their gifts, and give to them, this always cheers me up.  I remember last year when I was staying at my other brother's home, I did the same and it helped.  It helps to be in a situation as challenging as this, to be able to see Christmas time, the time of giving and loving, and getting involved with buying gifts for others.  
I am still worrying how I am going to be able to ever move and get my own place.  Making money is tough for me due to the pain I am always in, but I am trying to figure out creative ways to become financially abundant!  My goal now is to try to heal my body, as I finally have health care and have started back at going to all those Doctors offices I don't enjoy going to!  But, I need to get help, I am really at a point where I feel so exhausted with this pain, I can not keep living this way!  
I ask my Angels, Guides, God, the Universe, Ascended Masters, and all to help aid in my healing.  To have faith I can be and will be healed, is a good place for me to start!

Regarding my Previous Post on Lightworkers Everywhere

I have been really in tune with the messages being channeled from Archangel Michael, and the Acturians and Paladeins.  Really heavy duty stuff!  This is it, the raw of the raw, what I have been searching for since seventh grade, and exciting it is.  Wow, we really, truly, all chose to come here during such an intense time on earth, to totally create heaven on earth.  Yes, this is true, to come to a place of peace, no more fear or worry, that's the old paradigm, it's a new time now!  One of love, loving ourselves, forgiving ourselves, and sending love and compassion to others, all without judgement.  If you are not at that place yet, I would assure you, you will get there, its already in the cards.  

The corruption on Wall Street, government, the financial system, etc., will all change.  I do not know how, but I do know it will be a new system for the better for sure.  The wars going on now appear due to the loosing of power from the fearful, they are doing every bit to hold on.  But, the lives of the souls that perished, have risen to another dimension, and are helping us along the way, and we will reunite soon.  There are so many beings, Angels, Ascended Masters, etc., watching over us know helping us along the way to eternal love and peace.  

There are so many videos out there now, each with the same message about the earth ascending, and it is now.  We have been hearing about it for years, and now it truly is here.  If this excites you, I would check out some videos that channel these beings, Archangel Michael, the Acturians and the Paladiens.  There is so much comfort in hearing their messages, a comfort we all need to hear now.  A comfort to know it is time for us all to forgive ourselves for the past, and send love and compassion to ourselves, to our own hearts first.  To mend, and heal, and send that love back out, radiating to all we see.   And yes, this is happening, each one of us are changing the world, one person at a time, starting with ourselves.  

Another message they keep sending is telling us to look into the sky, keep looking up to the sky, and we will see them all around, waiting to help us ascend to heaven on earth.  Yes, I know this may sound crazy to some of you, but it's true.  Just watch and see, be open minded, watch the History 2 channel and you will learn so much about the aliens, how every single president alive has been aware of them, and how they are only here to help us! 

Caroline Oceana Ryan ~ A Message to Lightworkers November 14, 2015

Feeling Really Sick with No One Around

Wow, you want to talk sad and depressed! I got really sick three days ago, of course because everyone around me was sick for weeks.  But, when I woke up yesterday with that terrible neck and head pain I get when I vomit, forget it!  I cried all morning, realizing I needed to go to the Emergency Room, to help take the edge off my pain.  That was a nightmare as I couldn't even find anyone to take me there.  I called some of my family, and either they were busy, or didn't answer the phone, and since I couldn't even talk, I couldn't leave a message.  For some reason I didn't want to text them either, figuring they were busy and didn't want to put them out.  I have six brothers, three who are married, and always thought we were all so close, always there for each other, but that changed years ago it seems, when a few of us got divorced.  Some of my brothers don't even care, don't care about their family anymore, never call, and don't get together, only for holidays.  This year I am pretty upset with some of my family members due to behavior I don't like very much, to me personally.  Asking for help and not receiving it from two brothers, the same two who always seem to get on my case basically about nothing.  I had to pull away from my one brother because each time I saw him, he was nasty to me about nothing, giving me shit over anything. I am really close to his wife, who is one that is always there for you, but don't see them much anymore because I won't go to the house due to him being so nasty to me.  And then, when I needed a place to stay, and was told for years to come stay there, I was turned down due to him, because he "likes his privacy"!  What type of family is this when all they do is preach "be there for one another", and when I truly needed someone they weren't there for me.  

So, I called some family members and either couldn't get in touch with them, or they couldn't help me, even my own daughter couldn't help, feeling I didn't need to go.  I think my kids just want to see me strong, and not see me in pain, so I understand that, but it still makes me feel sad.  I finally had to persuade my brother who I live with to take me, he didn't want to at first, I don't even know why.  My sister in law could take me after 8pm, and I realized I couldn't wait that long.  So, he finally took me.  When we arrived he was more compassionate than before, and offered to stay with me awhile.  I told him to leave as I was okay now, just wanting to hide my head down and zone out, away from all the people and the lights.  The emergency room is a sad place to be in when you are in pain, too many people, lights, and no compassion.  Even when I got to my space, they offered me motrin for my pain.  Are you kidding me?  I could take all of that stuff at home, why would I come there for that?  They barely helped me, finally gave me a small dose of morphine, after me suggesting it, and that barely did nothing.  The Doctor told me there was nothing else they could do for me? Imagine that, and sent me home still in so much pain.  

At first, she gave me some steroids for the sickness in my IV and that made me really wrestles, and I had no idea what was going on, I thought it was because I couldn't deal with the pain any longer, which is why I went there.  No, she told me it was from the steroids, and then gave me benadryl, to relax me.  All drugs, drugs that don't even work.  After that, was when she offered me motrin and I was so upset that it took that long for her to decide to treat my pain, and offer me worthless medicine that doesn't touch my pain.  Come on, I am in an emergency room, you would think they would be more creative than this.  This hospital was in New Brunswick, and I have to say, the hospital I go to in Hackensack is way ahead of the game with this.  Whatever they gave me took a lot of the pain away, but I am no longer living in that area.  

No one knows the pain I feel daily, in my body, and emotionally.  I have been suffering pretty badly with nerve pain in my neck and body since College, starting with that bad accident I had in High School Gymnastics to me neck.  I jumped off the highbar to land on my feet, but landed on may face instead.  Emotionally I have struggled with my marriage that was filled with criticism, ending in divorce, and worse loosing custody of my children due to the power his brother had in the Court system.  Struggling financially as a single mom for twelve years, not ever working being married, and being in the pain I was in made it very difficult.  And I was all alone, not ever getting help from anyone in my family, no one even calling to see if I needed help with anything!  Imagine a single mom, with three kids, with a family she thought she was close to, not even coming to visit to help, or even be around me and my children, just for love.  Just to be loved and feel loved and feel connected by some family.  And now I wonder why I have felt so unsupported as I have moved so many times in the past year, barely supported by my family.  So now it is truth, time to realize the truth of my family, how they are to me now, not caring, not being there.  Not all of them though, but most of them.  There are only a few I can count on, but they even have their lives to live, can't be bothered all the time.  My family has changed so much since a few of us divorced years ago, and I see that now, having to accept it.  

So, to be in so much pain, and so sick, and living in a space I am not happy in, only having a twin bed to sleep on, no table to eat on, no desk to do my work on, not even a dresser to put my clothes in, is very challenging, and very sad to me.  I look at my life now and wonder what even the reason to live is.  I have struggled my entire life, being abused in my home growing up, being abused by my husband, and now being alone with nothing, no children with me or no home of my own, is almost too much for me to bear.  Along with the pain I am in daily, and have been in for over thirty years, is making it unbearable.  

So, what is the answer, what is the way out?  Today I don't even know.  I only know how tired I am of this life, of being in so much pain daily, and of always feeling so alone.  Even after my divorce, I felt so alone without my husband, it was heartbreaking too.  There have been so many times I had wished we stayed together, because our love was deep and true.  Things got out of hand, and I now realize how it was all so internal, and we were just lashing out on each other, instead of seeing the light and love within.  Instead of "remembering" the love we had, what we loved and appreciated in each other.  That was all gone and my ex daily just insulted and criticized me, which I started to do back.  And he had no control over his anger, and yelled at me in front of the children constantly.  

But, now I am here, not even knowing how I will get out.  Being sick and in pain daily makes it harder to have faith in life.  To have faith to know it will get better is hard when it hasn't in over ten years.  I haven't truly been happy in a really long time, and it's draining me totally.  Draining me so much, wanting to leave this place to a new life, wondering when it will ever happen for me.

I Can Finally See the Light

Finally seeing the light!  So much has happened in the past week, a nice shift for me.  Although each morning I wake up sad and depressed with the situation I put myself in, my faith has returned in being able to accomplish what I came here for, to help and serve others.  All this I want to help and give and have no place to do it.  I do now.  I have gotten in touch with a Yoga Studio to do some Children's Yoga there.  She wants me to teach a portion of the Children's Yoga to her students she is teaching for certification.  The children's ages will be from 7-11, although the children I taught were 3-5 year olds, but that's okay, I'll work it out.  I just like to be totally prepared so am working on putting a class together now.  I also realized this will give me the opportunity to read my children's book, "Bright Light Meditation", at the end of the class while they are in savasana.  This is great because it opens the door up to my book, and tells the Universe yes!  Yes, my book is worthy, yes my book will get published and I will get it out there to the children.  The owner also said she has a friend in town who owns a Dance Studio and was looking for a Yoga Instructor as well.  Awesome!  I also mentioned to her about maybe teaching a Mommy and Me Yoga Class and she said she has members who have expressed interest.  Now this has motivated me to reach out to the other Yoga Studios around and see if I can teach there as well.

Finally a way to touch more than a few kids at a time, and help me to not have to nanny any longer.  
Yes, I do love the kids, but being a nanny has become draining for me, there is much dysfunction out there, and I am pulled into it every time.  Not only do you have to care for the children and their issues, you have to deal with the parents and their issues as well!! How they raise their children, feed them, etc.

Things are very different here in this area of the woods, and there aren't many Yoga Studios.  Great place to open one up as well, since there aren't many here. But, I don't want to get settled in this area at all, it's not home anymore, and I can't wait to move back up North!  There isn't anything for me here either, and I don't have any friends here, nor do I up North either, but my children are there.

I also have a new space to do some Reiki out of, as soon as clients come!  I went to a Massage Center a few weeks ago to ask if I could use their space anytime, and she said sure!  She was so nice, and gave me Monday mornings.  Now I need to advertise, and get out at local places to offer my Healing Services to all.  I also want to advertise in a local Spiritual Magazine as well.

I need to create some classes for the Children's Yoga, research Mommy and Me classes as well.  I also am creating a website "You Are Truly The Light", and get that going as well.  I love writing, and knowledge, and research, and want to share what I have learned to anyone who wants to listen!  And I have life experience in many areas to share as well including Divorce, Single Parenting, Self Love, and Spirituality.  I love getting on the computer, seeing what's going on, and sharing the knowledge I learn, all about helping to empower us here on earth now, and to learn to love ourselves.

The world is going through major changes now, and we are all a part of that change.  I want to help others understand what is going on as well, and help uplift all along the way.  It is time to face our shadows, our pain and sadness, in order for it to resolve in our hearts, soften, integrate and turn to love.  To change that darkness into light.  It is something we all can do if we choose, if we understand and are ready.

As I meditate, so many things come to me, things I need to accomplish and give to the world.  I also need a healthy, strong body to do this, and am praying for this daily now.  I have started to Yoga daily, and do some Energy Medicine work as well, along with my essential oils.  I am hoping all of this will aid in my healing, so I can really become strong, and create the life and future I want, one of bliss, love and joy!  Never settling, never giving up and accepting a life without passion and love in it, passion and love for the things I want to do, and passion and love with the people around me!
I am blessed, I am grateful, and you are blessed, and loved!!
Namaste