Challenging for sure. That's what this is again, challenging. There are times I get freaky here, have to leave and get out. Now! How can I be creative in a place that I don't love? A place filled with challenges every morning I awake. I awake sad and depressed every single day. How can I not with the life I am living now? No home of my own, not doing the work I love and want to do.
I reached out to look up North again for a place and a new job. I got a few phone calls regarding work, and someone reached out to me about a room in the town I truly want to be in. But, I couldn't take the next step with the work, just thinking of starting with a new family is draining, even though the family I work for now is as well. The father argues with me all the time, I can't wait to get out. But, now, I may have this new opportunity and I am hesitant, it seems so draining to pick up and move again! I am so confused, confused of moving now or not. If I don't move now, then when? I truly don't want to move in the winter, and it is already October. I want to be settled somewhere through the cold, snowy winter, and in a space I feel safe and warm. I want to move now, I am so sad here every day. But, how much happier will I be moving into a new place with someone I don't even know, hopefully a new friend. Working another nanny job, with a new family to have to get use to, and deal with again.
And, I will have to give my family a two week notice, which I am not looking forward to doing at all. I always feel so badly doing things such as this. Although many other people don't care, and I have been blown off by many people for things, I don't feel comfortable doing this, it stresses me out! But, is that a reason to stay either? Just because I am stressed about leaving them? And, if I want to get back up North, why not do it now then? Wait for what? More finances, yes, for sure, but I don't make much here to be able to save anyway, working up North would bring me more money coming in because I would be working more hours at a job.
This is where I wish I knew, knew what my heart was saying. So many times I feel I do know, go with that, and then feel it was the wrong decision. I am sure we all do this, but I want to be in a place where I always know what my Guides are telling me, and my heart, and know the Universe will bring me down the path of my highest good. All for my highest good.
For now, I am worried and stressed, not knowing what to do, as waking up here daily makes me cry anyway, so what's the difference? What's the difference where I am if I will be unhappy either way. Bergen County is home to me, not Central Jersey any longer. There is nothing here for me, and I would never settle here anyway. If I want to create a business in any way, I need to live in the area where I will do this. Traveling is getting to me, I am so tired of driving back and forth weekly, it's so draining, stressful, so much traffic, with angry souls behind the wheel!!
I pray today for assistance in figuring this all out. I ask my Spirit Guides, the Archangels, Ascended Masters and all, to help guide me in the direction of my highest good. Help guide me down the better path for now, as I am so confused. Thank you, Amen!
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