Wow, so much has been happening so fast. I will catch you up.
I now have a new person to live with, a new, amazing friend that found me! I kept asking the Universe for like minded souls to live with, like an intentional community, and she appeared. Thank you Universe.
I moved into my brothers home only a few days ago, and woke up sad and confused. It makes you feel so unsafe not knowing where you are, a new place, getting settled in and readjusted. I was there only two nights when I headed up North to work for two days, and decided to sleep at my bosses house instead of asking my daughters. They had said I could stay anytime, so I thought it would be fine. I also thought maybe I would stay there four days a week, during the week when I would be working, and then here at my brothers on the weekend.
Well, I didn't see them much the night I came in, I got in late, said hello and went to bed. When I woke up the father wanted to talk to me about the plans for watching his daughter that night. When I went to explain something to him unrelated to his daughter, he snapped at me and told me he was "busy working", and didn't have time to talk. No, he didn't have time to talk and connect to another human being in his face, he was "too busy working". I love this world we live in, where some people aren't aware that this is the reason we are here. To bond, to connect, to listen, to hear, to get the lessons from others we are meant to get. His reaction really upset me, knowing I did nothing to deserve this treatment first thing in the morning at his home, because what? He was pissed about something? Darn if I know. Then, when I got back to his place to watch his daughter and he was still home, he went into his car and took out some heavy bird food for the birds, and threw it in front of the front steps, expecting me to bring it in the house. What type of gentleman is that? The men in my life carry it in the house for me, one, because I am a woman, and two, because I am his nanny! Wow, this all just truly blew me away. I was so mad, and angry, and upset that I had already committed to sleep in his home after putting his daughter to bed. I knew they were coming home after 12:00, and had to sleep there, but wanted to leave and run!
There goes my decision to spend a few nights there, after he said sure, bring your stuff, stay as long as you like. Wow, how fast things are shifting for me, not only day to day, but hour to hour. I am seeing things very differently now after talking to one of my soul sisters.
During the day I spoke to a woman regarding a nanny position watching her two children. She went on and on about her kids, all the things they do and how they have no down time, how she wanted laundry done, etc, and when I asked the pay rate for all of this, she didn't even want to pay $15 an hour. By the end of the conversation she was giving me anxiety, my heart was starting to pound, and I didn't like the way I was feeling, her energy was really stressing me out, and making me ill. I didn't understand why my body was so affected by her, but when she told me the pay rate, I immediately go off the phone, telling her the pay was too low for me, and basically hung the phone up. She was so shocked, she said, okay in a strange way, and I got off the phone.
Since I was so confused over this, and couldn't understand what was going on with me, others, and my energy being affected I had to call someone to help me out. So, I called one of my soul sisters who I knew would know what was going on. She told me these people were all in my face to help me set boundaries, boundaries within myself. To care for myself, protect myself, and not allow others to treat me the way they are. Wow, this was so awesome for me to hear, and easier to do I thought, instead going back to inner child work, or I attracted it because it is a mirror for me and that is the way I am treating others. Wow, I had all of that so wrong, sometimes these people are there to teach us to put ourselves first, to love ourselves first, and to do what makes us feel good at the moment, not anyone one else. I have realized I have pushed myself aside for a long time, always putting others needs and wants ahead of my own. The only thing you are telling yourself in this situation is that you are not good enough, not good enough to put first, to care about your feelings first. Wow, such enlightenment for me. And it is so true, boundaries has been a new learning experience for me and my children, we have all been working on this for the past year, always putting others needs ahead of our own.
So, I had a few free hours during the day and decided to go to the park and sit under the huge Mother Willow tree I love in the park. This always calms my spirit and relaxes me, when I left I felt much better, more centered, calm and peaceful.
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