Waking up Freaking Out Again!

So many feelings have been going through me, so much crying and Spiritual work I have been doing, I haven't even written.  Catching up, I go through bouts of tears, sadness, feeling so sad and lonely again.  I was so bad yesterday waking up I cried my eyes out to my sister in law in the morning.  With feelings of struggling my entire life, why has it been so hard, so difficult, so emotional, and with all the Spiritual work I have been doing, why?  
I feel everything has always been taken away from me, my children, my family, my home.  I have had to resort to being a nanny again and with that has come much dysfunction in the families I have seen!  It is pretty upsetting to me to have to go back to this work again, as I get so drained from the children and families I see.  

I am trying to get out of this type of work, wanting to help heal others with the energy work I have learned, and guiding them along their path with doing Angel/Oracle Card Readings as well.  But, I have been too focused on bringing in finances immediately, and felt that was through being a nanny once again.  

I want to know why, why I have literally been crying for twelve years, on and off, regarding my divorce, the loss of my children through my divorce, and feeling so alone now with my children moving out.  I truly don't know how to get through the days anymore, the feelings are so intense, so overwhelming, leaving me feeling hopeless.  I have done way too much inner child work, always going back to where these feelings have come from, and still feel the same.  So, for me, right now, I feel that hasn't benefited me at all, just leaves me sadder, along with a severe migraine from crying.  

I have an appointment I have to go to, so I will have to get it together and get out of here.  I think a salt water bath is due, haven't had one in a long time because it is summer and I barely take baths now in the heat.  But, today, I think it will be a great idea to help cleanse me of this sadness and pain I am feeling.  

I hope anyone who gets this low, has someone near them to comfort them, listen to them and most of all hug them.  I pretty much have no one in my life right now that can give me a hug.  The family I have is pretty busy, and the ones I see do not hug you when you are sad.  My Soul Family is so big on hugs, that is what we do all weekend when we see one another, is give hugs! Great big comforting hugs, and I will tell you how much it helps.  It makes me feel cared for, loved, and comforts my heart.