Breaking down in tears today

Woke up feeling so sad today I didn't want to get out of bed, so I listened to some meditations before getting out.  I woke up feeling so low, drained, and exhausted, and so sad, wondering how I got to this place.  Asking the Universe why am I hear?  This is not what I want for myself now at all, I am too old for this, too old to keep moving around and not having a safe, comfy, warm loving home.  I have lived in seven different places within nine months, and it has been draining and a challenge.

I can see I am being shaken up, feeling like I was put in a can and literally shaken up, by the Universe, to get me to wake up, and purge ahead, to a place of my highest good.  But, going through this that does not make it any easier, it feels as if my strength, courage, and perseverance is being tested.  

I have moved into my brothers home, only about a week ago, due to the job and place I had to stay falling through.  I am grateful to have a place to lay my head at night, somewhere safe for now at least.  But, I feel I have gone backwards in life, after having a family, a home, financial stability, to being alone, without a home, having to move in with my brother because my finances have been depleted, and I am currently looking for work.

I cried this morning, crying about how I am going to get through this, and feeling all alone here.  Waking up alone, without your family around, and getting out of bed, has been the hardest thing for me to do this past year since my children have moved out.  Always questioning what am I hear for, what is the sense of all of this, why do I have to suffer so?  Some days, like today, I break down and cry upon wakening, feeling I can not bear this one more day.  

I cry for awhile, releasing how I am feeling, and decide to go outside and greet the day of sunshine.  I am feeling better seeing the sun.  The sun is a cure for all things for me, the intense sun, knowing now how this special energy is beaming from down upon us these past weeks, along with the Lion's gate flooded with loving energy coming through during this time.  I sit out for awhile and let the sun charge me, and I pray and meditate on the light healing me, and all of my loved ones as well.  I do this daily, many times a day in the summer, when I feel that sun beaming upon me, saying hello to me.  

I am trying to find work that is more aligned with my life purpose, and wanting to get away from being a nanny.  I know I have so much more to give, and have so many more lives to touch.  I hope and pray God and the Universe send me the right contacts in my work, to provide the financial abundance I am looking for now.  

My goal is to only stay here a few months, save some money, and move back up North where my children are.  And maybe even have the opportunity to live with one of my daughters again, as she is moving out of her place in November, and may want her own place again.  If we did live together it would be very different this time, I wouldn't take the role of being a Mom, I would have to take a back seat to her ways of living, as she is all grown up now and has lived on her own. Everything would be fine if I had the funds, it always seems to be that, the money.  I have had lots, and have been very irresponsible with it, and have been down to barely nothing, living week to week.

I need to make money now, as new bills will be do in September.  I am staying in a space of love and abundance, knowing the Universe will support me in this endeavor.  I have been able to stay away from that fear and worry mode, and am so grateful to have finally broken free of that.  

Keeping involved with my spiritual community has helped with with that immensely, learning how Source really is within us all and we truly do have the power to change anything we want, the power to receive whatever we want, to live in a space of joy, love and peace!  That is my goal, to finally be happy, no more suffering of feeling so disconnected and alone, and my dream coming true of having a wonderful home on the water filled with all the loving people I can find!