Hello!
This is the first blog for my new growth. So much has happened to me so quickly I can't even catch Up and I am so very excited in my new transformation in life!
My daughters have wanted to move out since last January, and since then it has been tough. They get irritable pretty fast, take it out on me, and I take it personal and get upset. We are very close, and me being the only girl in a family of six boys, I was grateful when I was having girls! They are 23, and 22, and need to spread their wings and fly. All summer we have been talking about all of us needing to take our own path, and let go of this family unit the way it is now. Each spiritual workshop I come home from, after seeing my Spiritual Mentor, Teal Swan, my energy is very high. So high I do not relate to many others out there, having a different vibration and energy. This also included my children. Now I am getting use to it, so when they have attitude, I just walk away, no I actually run! I use to stay and engage in that negative energy arguing back, but now I am in such a state of bliss when I return, and I have desire to engage, feeling so calm and at ease. You see her workshops change your energy and vibration drastically, just by being in her presence. And the people who follow her are so filled with unconditional love, that I always connect with wonderful, loving souls, souls I have know many lifetimes.
So, when my daughters started talking about moving out again, I went straight into manifesting mode, telling them they can if they believe they can and focus on achieving it, regardless how worried my one daughter was about money. She kept stating how they did not have enough money to move out, which she was right, they did not. But, abundance can come from anywhere, any source, not just from yourself, so we had thoughts of their Dad finally helping them out. They will be opening their own Day Care Center next year, in their Father's office building which he owns. He was renting it to others who backed out due to financial issues, and bam, that opened the door for them to jump in. Nothing is a coincidence, see how awesome the Universe works? This is an amazing opportunity for my children, especially for me because I struggled so much financially for ten years never working while being married, raising my children. This comforts me to know they will always have financial security within themselves, never having to worry or struggle as I once did. We all love children so much, all of us being nanny's at some points in our life.
So, I know in order to manifest you need to talk about it and focus on it, so that is what we started to do. And it motivated my daughter to start looking. She found an Avalon Community she liked, they even went to see it, and then the ball started to roll. They loved it and left their information for a specific apartment they wanted, a two bedroom with two floors. And once again, the Universe working in the way it does by getting what we focus on, one became available for November. They figured out a way to get it financially, with the help of their Dad, and now they are moving out in November! I am so very happy and excited for them, that is why I kept pushing them by telling them they can manifest whatever they want, and not to keep asking "how", but by focusing on what they want.
But, then, of course this left me in tears. Tears of loosing my children again and being all alone. I lost my children when we were divorced, my ex receiving custody due to the power his brother had in Hackensack, the town the Court House resides in. So, all these feelings of loss came back, sobbing for a few weeks over this. Thanks to my spiritual mentor, I knew to keep going back to where these feelings of loss and loneliness came from. And I sat with those feelings for along time, telling my inner child everything was okay because I was there with her now. The loneliness I felt as a child was so unbearable, I totally disconnected from it. Being raised with six brothers, in an environment with a great deal of arguing, left me feeling very alone and lonely, no one was there to protect me from the physical fighting my brothers and I did constantly. When I think back at my younger years, I remember being really happy in High School. I was really social like my Father, and had so many friends, and there wasn't any drama at all, just chilling out and fun, partying times. But, as I go back and look at how I felt in the house I grew up in, ugh. I never liked that house as soon as I moved out and went to College at 18. The feelings I have in that house are feelings of pain, sadness, and feeling so alone. Feeling powerless and unprotected.
This house I have been in for four years, the longest home I have been in since being a single Mother ten years ago. So, not only do I feel as if I am loosing my children, I am also loosing my home. The home where we were all stuck in so many times last winter in all of the snow storms we had! All the girls did was shovel, come in and sit by the fire and watch TV. I have many memories here. Last Christmas when we were putting up a tree, and a mouse ran into my son's sleeve, and as he freaked out he shook his arm and it hit the wall, so very sad. It is going to be very sad to go, and I have so much stuff to pack and get rid of. I still have everything from my marriage, a house full of stuff. So, yes, it is time to cleanse, release and let go, and that already feels good. Change is good I know, good when people seem to get stuck and become stagnant, which is what I saw with my daughters, that is why I encouraged them to go. They are beautiful, loving, kind, compassionate children, they just need to detach from their "Mother" now, and let go and be set free. Free to see what they really can do alone in the world, free to empower themselves, and grow into whoever they want to be!
The tears come and go each day, as I wake up realizing how life is going to drastically change for me, how I will miss my children to my core, and once again feeling so alone without them. But I know in time it will all work out for the best, knowing it is time.
Namaste all day!
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