My Shaman Appointment

Namaste

I went to the Shaman today, I didn't know what else to do, I was loosing it too much yesterday.  She said I will know when I need to come back, and I did.  She was so amazing, as usual.  She is such a loving, kind soul, who gave me so much information.

I told her how good I have been feeling this year, better than I have in ten years, and then bam, this is happening, my children moving out, and me moving on to a new place, and I can't stop crying knowing I will feel so disconnected and lonely.  She explained to pretend there were different levels, and I just advanced to another level.  And, in the start of that new level, there is major chaos, change, a way to restart.  Just great, just great.  So confusing to hear, at least there is some type of explanation in the way of growth.  When you are that sad, and that cut off from Source, it is so hard to find one little glare of light.  It all seems so dark, so dark when you are in that state of mind.  Fear, scared, closed heart, not an open heart.  That is where I have been the past few days.  "Restart", a new word my Spiritual Mentor just used.  Okay, this is good then, the Universe is pushing me to "restart".  Only to restart my entire life!  Wow, this is crazy.

I told her I am feeling so disconnected, severely disconnected, I can't take it.  I don't know how to get through it.  Then I told her about my feelings of being disconnected in the past, with my ex husband when I was divorced, my children, and people who have left me.  I get this intense feeling of my cord being cut, my energy supply being cut off, it's such an awful feeling, worse than feeling lonely.  She explained that it could be ancestral, which is really interesting, explaining my feelings shouldn't be this "intense", and they are.  There have been times in the past I have stayed in and cried for days, feeling so disconnected missing my children.  She explained that she can do a healing for me, and explained how the process works.  The ancestor did not pass over, and is pushing forward whatever issue that is going on in that family.  The cool thing is I do not have to do anything, she does it for you, and speaks to the ancestor's spirit and crosses them over.  The miracle is this heals every single family member involved, all of my family, my children, etc.  How amazing is this, and why isn't this spoken about more?  How easy, no work involved like everything else, someone else taking care of it for you, as simple and wonderful as asking the soul to move on, onto the light, onto a better place!  I will have her do this later on in the week.

She asked me if I have been calling in my guides daily to help me!  Oh boy, I forget sometimes.  She explained to do this first thing in the morning, every morning, either when I meditate or just in bed before I get up.  Wow, another thing I am suppose to remember to do daily, all day, is call upon my guides, have them near my side all day.  I will definitely remember to do this in the morning, each morning and night, and throughout the day.  

Then she had me do an exercise in the mirror, to tell myself "I love you", "I am worthy", "I forgive you", and "I am enough".  Boy, that was really tough, I cried over the I am enough, and I forgive you.  That is where my pain lies, I don't feel "enough" without my children, and I can't forgive myself for many past decisions I have made.  I will use this little exercise again in the future.  It was powerful to say these beautiful words in the mirror looking at yourself, and seeing your own reaction.

After that exercise she put me on the table, and connected me to my guides and Source.  She said my heart was pretty closed, and called upon my guides to help me with her drum and rattle.  I have always loved the drums, my brothers use to play around with them as children and I always loved them.  One of my favorite Mantras is, Krishna Das, "Om Nama Shivaya", I love the Native American drums.  They seem to vibrate deep inside your body, your bones, your DNA, all of it.   I listened intently to the music and allowed it to vibrate into my being, resonating with my soul.

That ended my session, and I was so grateful for her work, as I always am.  I am honored, she is honored, and we are both blessed with this meeting of love.  She asked how I felt, and I told her I didn't know yet, still sad from crying my eyes out.  

The rest of my day was still unsettling, cried tons all day on and off again.  Oh boy, this is getting pretty tough to deal with, I still need to get some stuff together and do not want to do a thing, and will not.  

My daughter was going out and changed her mind, I am glad I will not be alone tonight.  I am going to watch a movie with her, I am grateful she is here with me now.

Peace out