Saturday Watching Teal Swan's Workshop in Oslo

It's Saturday, and I was suppose to go visit my niece and her two boys today because I haven't seem them in three months!  So different than in the summer, when I see them all the time.  My car was making a funny noise last night, so I decided to take it to the garage and not head south and visit my niece, although I will miss seeing them!  But a broken car does not work!

Today was chilly in the morning, and dark, nothing like the sun shining that was so bright like yesterday.  Today Teal Swan was in Oslo, Norway, and I decided to watch the Workshop.  The Workshop was wonderful.  Teal was so calm, her voice so soft, and the ones called onstage were so soft and gentle.  Teal spoke about the energy in Norway, and how the people need to get in touch with their emotions and connect with each other.  Many of the ones onstage were so hurt as children, and closed themselves off from people, and closed off their emotions to themselves.  I loved these people, and sent them love and light on their journeys ahead, even if the Workshop was hours earlier.  I love to watch anything about Teal, especially the Workshops, because it feels as if I am there, and she is right in front of me.  It totally makes me feel connected to her again.  I need that more now, because I haven't seen her in months, and had a rough, lonely winter.  I talk to her all the time, and to the paining she painted for me!  

            

Around 5:00 I needed to get out of the house, so I went to the park and took a walk.  It is always good to get out when I start getting sad, reminding me that life goes on.  That life is moving and shaking if I am out there along with it or not.  So, I need to get out there, move and shake, because I need to network.  I need people to help me with many things I want to create still.  And now I am ready, ready to take that jump and go.  I know I have said this many times before!  This time I am really going to do it, and see my dream come through of being an author, and doing some healing and mentoring work with others.  

It seems as if we all have so much to give.  I have always had so many loves, so many hobbies, and now I feel I have so much I need to do.  But, as I have said, I have to focus on one at a time, the most important one to me, which is getting my children's books published.  But, I need to make money now, so I have started planning some Angel Card Reading parties.  My first one will be at my sister in laws home next weekend, and I know it will be so fun and enlightening for all, especially my sister in law who I will do first.  She has had cancer four times already, and I want her healed.  Healthy and healed.  She has been special to me my entire life

Gorgeous Weather Finally, Feeling Free!

The weather finally has broken! Wow, since Saturday, it's now a few days later.  It is simply amazing how the weather truly affects me and how I am feeling.  To wake up to sunshine and warm weather is a blessing!  It has been a long, cold winter, along with so much sadness and loneliness I have been feeling.  It is now as if I have broken free, free like a bird that is ready to fly.  Not only fly but to take off out of here, out of this limited place I am in, physically and emotionally!  To take off to do what I love, writing, and to succeed!  
                                         
I planted flowers already, the pansy's are the first you can plant around Easter time.  So, I bought some new pots, and flowers and planted the other day.  I love to plant, love the earth, and prefer to be outside in the warm weather than to being cooped up in the house.  I love to sit out with my tea in the morning, and pray and meditate awhile before my day starts.  But, today I went out back to sit by my flowers and find peace, and as I opened the door, my landlord was there watering the tiny lawn I have because he planted grass seed.  When I moved in it was half rocks, which was better for me because I was going to put my table and chairs there.  Now, he is trying to plant grass.  

I do not like my landlords at all after they both yelled at me over how I was driving too fast up their drive way and both told me how this was their house!  Well, then what the hell are you renting the upstairs of your house out then if you don't want anyone here?  Obviously they need the money.  It's bad enough I am not allowed in their yard, only to get my car which I have to park there because there is no overnight parking on the street.  And, I have to open a gate to get my car and close it, which I do not like to do at all.  I want no part of them, and do not want to park my car in their yard when they are so nasty to me.  
                                        I have put out a bird feeder for the birds because I love them, and the man sent me a text over that, telling me he covered it and wants it covered for a week because the birds are eating the bird seed.  And he told me I did not pull my car up to the garage enough and he could barely get his car out!  Oh my Lord, get a life!  Do I have time for such nonsense?  You have got to be kidding me!  It is amazing to me that so many people are so unhappy with themselves and their lives, that they even have to find things in others to insult and criticize, bitch and complain about!  Things like this upset me, I am a great renter, quiet and very clean.   Now, I had to bring up how he should be more worried about my mail box which just got my important mail wet, and the broken front steps I keep tripping on!  He did not text me back, but bought a new mail box for me the next day.  
                                                                                               
But, a day later I received a letter from his wife, which I put aside for a few days.  I can only deal with  a certain amount of negativity at a time, and put the letter aside until I was ready to read it.  And when I did, it was ridiculous, a two page letter, along with telling me I could move out if I wanted, they would break the lease and give me my deposit back.  That was great to read, because I always knew I would never be here a year, because of them, and where I am currently located.  She also said she wanted to check my apartment one day to make sure I have area rugs down because the lease says the wood floors need to be 70% covered! Ya, rite!  Are you kidding?  That is because they hear everything, the house is made so poorly I literally hear everything they say, so I am sure they hear everything.  And I am sure they hear when I WALK! Well, once again, do not rent your home out then!  And their bedroom window is right where my tiny little lawn area is!  Do you think I can sit out there at night like I always do in the warm weather and look at the moon and stars.  

But, when I saw him this morning out my door, I ran back upstairs annoyed and upset.  I had to get out it was such a beautiful day, so I grabbed my sneakers and took a walk.  My first walk here in this town.  I walked much longer than I thought, an hour.  It totally made me feel better and shook off the aggravation I was feeling from him.  That bad energy!  

Now, I am looking at it as a blessing, I wanted to move, and now I can.  The Universe is pushing me to be in a better place, one I love, along with financial abundance to get there.  But, I do feel I have too much to worry about now, trying to get my books out, my spiritual work out for money, looking for a new nanny job because mine ends at the end of next month, and now a new place to live.  I feel I can never relax, always having too many things to do, and always having to worry about money.
Love and Light to you always!

My Weekend Watching the Kids

I had the opportunity to watch the children I care for for the weekend.  I call it an opportunity because it will bring in more income for me, which I truly need right now, so I am grateful for this!  But, boy it was exhausting.  The children wanted my attention the entire time, even though they are ten and seven years old.  I thought they were more independent then they are, needing me to play with them and care for them.  The young boy even asked me in the morning if he was allowed to get a drink.  I was pretty confused at why he didn't just get one, and needed my permission.  My son at ten years old was making his own pasta in the kitchen while I was there, and baking his own cakes.  My children were all very independent in the kitchen, I was a stay at home mom, and when I cooked any meal, they were there helping, even as young as two years old.  Cooking was fun for them, being with mommy and learning how to cook!  My oldest daughter was even making pancakes for the entire family when she was only five years old (of course with my supervision), so this was confusing to me. 
                           
 On one hand, they are taught by their parents to be independent, to get their own things, and have many activities after school.   Actually, my children taught me to allow them to be independent, because they always wanted to do everything for themselves!  My second daughter at two years old would insist on picking her own clothes out and dressing herself, and it never ended from there!  But, when it comes to listening they surely have a mind of their own and want to do what they want, and always insist they are right about everything, when many times they are not. They are very challenging, and always need to be right, and don't always tell the truth.  Children are so different now, we were taught to be so honest, and was called a liar if we lied.  If you tell a child now they lied about something, they basically have a heart attack!  How dare you say that to them, they would never lie.  And they were lying!                                                      

I played with them all day to keep them busy because they didn't seem capable of playing alone, being alone, without the computer or reading.  They actually wanted to stay in all day, and it was one of the first 75 degree days of the year, and after the 10 degrees we had in the winter, I told them to stay outside for the day.  When we grew up, we were out all day, out in the fresh air, the sunshine, and running around like children should be doing, especially after a long, cold winter.  We need to be outside, near the trees, Mother Earth, running around, playing around, etc.  Not hibernating in our bedrooms on a beautiful sunny day, and one of the first ones!  

                                       

                   
I offered to take them hiking, which I thought they would love to do, but they wanted to stay home.  Since they weren't able to play with themselves, or find their friends on the street to play with, I played with them the entire day until they had a birthday party at 4:00.  We jumped on the tramp, played football, ran around and had bicycle races. I had fun with them, always enjoying playing with the kids, just like being a kid again, bringing out the child that loves to have fun.  
 They were very competitive, and they young girl always has to win.  I see this a lot with children who are in competitive sports, as these children are.  The ten year old boy is a competitive gymnast, and the young girl is competitive in Tae Kwan Do, at only seven years old.  I am starting to be concerned that children who are competitive very young, may only find confidence in themselves by winning, and being the best.  Children should love who they are just for who they are, not by what they are "doing" to win.  To just be.  To just hang out, run around, and be happy, like young ones do.  To know they are good and loved just because they exist.  Just because they are here, and loved by their parents.  These children are very blessed they have highly intelligent parents, who give them so many opportunities in life and want them to succeed.  And, they are great kids, they are very kind, very caring, very compassionate with others, and this is so beautiful to see.  

When we got up Sunday, the young girl showered, and when she came down dressed, she matched me with her jeans, white t-shirt, and fuscia sweater over it, just like I was dressed.  She came downstairs while I was in the kitchen, with a huge smile on her face, and said, "look, we match!"  I was so touched, touched because I did not know how she really felt about me, if she really liked me as a care giver or not, because so many times she disagrees with me and just wants to do what she wants and doesn't want to listen.  And the other children I was just caring for, told me they loved me all day!  We totally loved each other, along with their Moms, and I felt part of the family, which I still feel because I still see them often.  This also made me realize what an influence we are to children, all of us adults.  That gives us a big responsibility, and makes me even more aware of my actions around them.  It was really sweet, that just made my day!

We went to eat breakfast out, and they acted up in the restaurant, which surprised me.  After we ate they wouldn't behave, they kept trying to go under the table and play around, even after asking them many times to stop.  I was surprised at this behavior not knowing how to act in a restaurant at their age, they acted as if they were a few years old.  
After breakfast, I had to drive them an hour away to Edgewater to where their Grandfather lived, and I was to drop them off there.  It took an hour due to all the traffic down a one lane road which over looks Manhattan.  
When I met their Grandfather, he was such a love!  So sweet, so educated, so wordly.  He asked if I brought my bathing suit and wanted me to stay!  It was a pleasure meeting him.  I finally left, and went home to see my brother and his wife, which always comforts me and brings me joy!  
Namaste, Om Shante, Shante Om

Going Through a Tough Week

Feeling so weird today it's even hard to explain.  Had a pretty upsetting day yesterday, my landlords gave me a hard time about silly, petty things,  a man in the laundromat freaked out on me when I asked why he parked right in front of the door and I couldn't get out.  Woke up today with that intense pain in my neck and up into my skull that I get too often.  Yes, I cried, wondering why I need to deal with this in my life, cried about living alone and feeling so lonely, cried about why I even have to do this any longer.  When I wake up like this, that negative spiral gets me.  

                                                                                

So, I made an ice pack, laid it on my neck, and laid on the couch and just listened to many meditations from Teal Swan.  Trying not to think about the pain and focusing on that and the sadness once again, I felt the meditations were a great choice.  And they were.  The pain is somewhat calmer, but I am feeling very out of it and dizzy. I am wondering if these feelings are due to a hypothyroid problem I have and do not take any medication for.  I do not like prescription drugs and do not want to take them.  There are other alternative ways to treat the thyroid, which I have tried some, and need to search for more.  I have been sweating at night for the last few weeks, and your thyroid does regulate your body temperature.  Your thyroid also does affect the pain in your body, along with your emotions, causing many to feel sad.  

This past week has been a hard one.  It is hard to focus on the things you want to accomplish and do to create financial abundance when your feeling so low.  This week was more about just getting through the day, and staying as positive as I can throughout.  

I have many decisions to make, and it is so funny how my spiritual mentor, Teal Swan, just came out with a video exactly about this.  About why we have trouble making decisions, and how to help us to make them!  It seems as if the issues I am facing in life, are the same issues Teal comes up with in her weekly "Ask Teal" videos!  It's pretty crazy to me, like we are all so connected unconsciously, called "the collective consciousness".  I am so grateful for Teal and the Soul Family created through her.  Even though I can not see them daily, we keep in touch on face book, and the support they give me is amazing.  I do not even have to check face book to know they are there, and to know we are all one, all connected.  All I have to do is think of them, talk to them in my head, put out an intention, and I "feel" their support.  

                                                   

After my landlord giving me a hard time about the bird feeder I put out back, and other petty things, it pushes me to get out now!  To get out of here, and move once again.  Is this something I want to go through again? Absolutely not because moving all of your things and being in a new space is one of the hardest physical and emotional things for me to do right now.  But, I do not like it here, do not like living on top of the landlords who have told me this is their house, and I have to park in their yard each day because there is no overnight parking on the street.  They also have complained to me about the most petty things, it's pretty sad that so many people are so unhappy with themselves and their life, that they have to focus on and even create things about others to bitch about.  I have no time or energy for people in my life like this, and the landlord is home all day because he works nights.  They told me I have this little patch of grass for my back yard, and when I planted beautiful flowers in pots, they are complaining they are under their bedroom window and do not want any thing under their window!  Little did I know when I want to sit outside at night and watch the moon and stars in the summer, their bedroom window is right there!  Was I told all of this from the realtor when I came to look at the place?  Definitely not!  I love the outside, and as soon as it is warm I like to be outside all the time, I bring my work outside, my computer and sit out and enjoy the day.  I would never rent a place that did not have a yard for me to use, or my own balcony, or my own space outside.  I will not be stuck here, I just now have to figure out where I want to be.  This time I think I am going to look for a house share, because I do not enjoy living alone.  Of course I will have to be careful who is living in the home, but if I put the intent out to the Universe to send me a place I love to live, with like minded souls, I am sure it will appear.  So, that is what I am going to do.

                                                                  

I do not even have a job after June when the children get out of school, because the family I care for leave for Canada for the summer.   Did I know this when I took the job?  No, I did not, but I did not ask how long the job was for either.  So, now I need to find another job for the summer, and a new place to live.  It seems so exhausting and overwhelming to me, to always have to worry about money, and how I can make it and how it will come to me.  It is also exhausting trying to find a place to live, a place I want to be that is just right for me.  I have been doing this since last October, looking for a place to live, moving all over the place too many times, and looking for a job.  It seems like I can not even just relax, and settle down, and even enjoy life because I haven't in awhile.  
So, for now I will work on thinking about what I want, where I want to be, what life I want to create.
Namaste, love and light! 

Waking up Feeling so Overwhelmed Today

I woke up so sad and upset today.  Such a bummer when this happens.  It was the first time here I stayed in bed thinking.  Usually I get up immediately out of bed here, because I do not like being in my bedroom.  As I am trying to think why, it's probably because I do not want to be alone, alone here.  So I am like boycotting accepting it, and haven't fully organized that room.  I suppose I should make the effort and do that one day, maybe I will fall in love with it a little more.

                                     

I feel so overwhelmed today.  Overwhelmed with my life, the mistakes I made in the past year with working, and having to live at my brothers home.  That seems to have left me hard, staying with my brother.  I was there for six weeks and cried most of the time there.  It is such a shame our memories haunt us so.  What is the solution to rid these memories away for good?  Inner child work I suppose.  I did so much inner child work last summer, I had to put it aside for awhile.  Although I have changed the way I process sadness or anger now.  I will ask myself when was the first time I felt this way?  What past memory is triggering this action in me?  And then it usually comes.  

But, today I feel there is so much work I need to do on myself, I am overwhelmed.  I was reading some old journals I have, and this one was from my time with my husband when we had broken up for a year, and us getting back together.  I was so insecure, and always wanted his reassurance of love.  This must have been very draining, and definitely not healthy for any relationship.  It is crazy to read things from thirty years ago about your life, things you don't even remember, and truly see who you were during that time!  Enlightenment for sure.  I was not the calm, understanding wife I thought I was, I would get hurt very quickly, and then lash back at my husband.  This saddens me, and makes me feel more guilty over my past mistakes.  I am working on forgiving myself from the past mistakes I feel I have made, and it has helped, but I guess I will have to add this to my bucket list.  

                                       

I wish so many things were different.  I wish I made so many different choices in the past.  I wish I did not hurt my children as much as I did.  I could go on and on.  But for now, I wish for love and happiness in my life, along with the financial abundance I am looking for to set me free.  Free to go anywhere I want to go, free to go see anyone I want to see.  Free to never have to worry about paying for my bills, free to own the few homes I want to own.  Free to deposit money into my families bank accounts, free to help save the world in any way I choose!   And I think, that freedom will cause lots of happiness to myself and others, and as a result will help raise the vibration and energy of the world!

                                            
           Yes, Amen, Peace and Love, Om Shante, Shante Om, Namaste!  

Another Saturday, Waking up Sad and Lonely!

Waking up on the weekends alone are becoming such a struggle for me now.  I'm so sad today I want to run home and see my sister in law and brother, but I am tired of running all week, and am so sad I just want to stay inside and veg.  I toss and turn with this decision all morning, but realize I have to take a Young Living Essential Oil I bought for a friend over to Mystical World for her to pick up.  Mystical World is a place that sells spiritual gifts, books, crystals, etc., and holds many different types of workshops, meetings, etc.  I forced myself out in the winter to attend some meditations here, and fell in love with the people I met.  I am currently attending a bi monthly medium ship meeting here, and go to weekly meditations.  

Since I had to drop the essential oil off, and get out of the house, I decided to call my sister in law on the way to see if they were home.  She was excited to hear my voice, and told me to come over, which already comforted my heart.  This is getting so old, so sad all the time, trying to figure out how to feel not alone when I am waking up alone every day!  Ha, yea, I know we have loved ones and people around who love us, but going to bed and waking up alone when you have had a huge family around you your entire life makes it sad and difficult for me.  I do know being around my family totally helps me feel connected and comforted, so that is what I will have to do every weekend.
                                
When I arrived at the store, there was a healing expo going on I was told about as I was leaving.  What great timing!  The Universe is on my side!  They were offering different types of healing sessions, for $1 a minute.  I was told before to allow the Shaman there to use her tuning forks on me for healing, and she was there so I went with that.  She was not busy, so I jumped right in, knowing this was happening for a reason.  This was a different approach to healing, on I have not had done to me before.  She told me about loving myself, and using positive words in my healing, a reconfirmation of what I keep being told.
I was happy and content when I left, and drove an hour to my brothers home.  I always love to see my sister in law, she is always so happy, comforting and upbeat.  She listens to all of my troubles, and helps me stay focused on the good, the positive, and helps me find solutions to what ever I am going through.
I am so happy I took the ride, and always leave their home feeling loved, and care about!
Amen!!

Wondering Where to be, Where to go

Namaste ~ I have been going in and out of so many different emotions, so much on my mind it's crazy.  And I was in pretty bad pain for about a week, and I kept asking myself why.  Trying to accept where you are in pain is pretty tricky, who would choose a life of physical pain by choice?  Or is it all emotional pain manifesting into the physical?  I was told it was severe nerve pain, which usually requires surgery.  Well, I opted out of that two years ago, was only a week away of having it done, and changed my mind, so I will never go back!  I am so against surgery's now it's crazy, after I looked at the surgery's I have had done, and how they did not change one thing!  Money, money, money, that's what it makes the Doctor.  

Anyway, here I am now, today, feeling so confused, so not happy with where I am, and so confused at where to go.  I don't like it here, here in this apartment I have been renting since February.  I feel as if I am in High School living upstairs from my parents, because that is basically what is going on.  Yes, I have a separate entrance, but I am on top of them in this small cape, and I hear every single thing.   That means they hear me as well.  And, I have to park my car in their back yard that I am not allowed to use, and have to open and shut a gate as they have a dog that growls when he sees me.  Every day when I would get my car in the morning my mantra was, "I hate this place".  The energy healer I went to see a few weeks ago reminded me of how powerful our words are.  To truly watch every single word we use, especially the ones about ourselves! 
                                          
 This was a major shift for me, making me realize things I said that were harming my body and not believing it will be healed.  My new mantra is, "Oh my light shining so bright".  I use to say, "Oh my nerves", when I was upset about something, and realized my nerves truly are suffering and inflamed now, could these words have anything to do with it?  The Reiki Master feels yes!  So, I changed my mantra to the one I described, and I love it.  It is just remembering how to be, how to act, what to say, how to show ourselves the love we are, the love we have infinitely because of who we are, Source Energy!! 

I don't know how I was blind of so many things, all because this was basically the best price for what I have, and could not go any higher in rent.  I barely make my bills now, with the help of the Grace of God for sure!  But, when I was in that room temporarily I had to get out quick, that was a really sad time for me.  So, this apartment is an improvement from there, and at least I am in Bergen County for now, where my kids are.

Being alone with your feelings each day can become hard when you cry over the past as I have been doing for months.  I realized I have been crying since probably October, on and off since then.  So much releasing, so many tears fallen, and now I am done.  Done with crying the blues, crying over the past of what I could have had and wish I had.  Done with wishing I never left my ex husband, done with it all.  

                                    It did not work out, none of it, and I am here now.  I need to accept where I am and to look at the why.  The lesson I am suppose to learn that is in front of my face, and the new path I am suppose to take.  I think it's more about the path I should take.  One of being here, trying to fix my children's problems and my ex's, or a new path of enlightenment, a new home with new loved ones.  I had went on a Shamanic Journey a few months ago and I was feeling torn about this, my Soul Family was pulling me one way, literally reaching her hand out to grab my hand, or my biological family who was just fine without me.  My biological family was not pulling me, they were happy and free.  I think the meaning to this is pretty obvious, but at the time it was hard to accept because I still wanted to hold onto the family I loved and wanted my entire life.  Letting go seems so hard, wanting to be with those loved ones forever, knowing you can not.  Letting go knowing you are suppose to go somewhere else now, to a different place to shine.  I suppose the scary thing is to not know where this place is or with who, and putting faith in the Universe to bring it to you.  
                                                   I definitely have been asking the Universe for more.  For bringing me financial abundance doing the Spiritual work I love and came here to do.  To publish these books I need to publish and get out.  The Reiki Master reminded me to speak as if I already have all I want, and not to keep asking for it.  So true, because it doesn't seem to come that way.  So, thank you Universe for the love you have sent me in every way, especially in a soul mate.  Thank you for the financial abundance you have given me so I do not ever have to stress about money again, and I have the freedom to do any damn thing I want!  What a different life it is with that abundance, I thank you.

I am starting to do yoga daily, and wish I opened up a Yoga Studio when I wanted to.  I have always had big dreams, so now is the time to have them manifest.   I do not know why it has taken me so long to accomplish the things I want to accomplish, but now is the time.  It is time for me and everyone on this earth, to bring love and joy into our hearts and follow our dreams, and know we can manifest anything!!  

I am so restless, knowing I want to move out of this place now!  Finances come to me so I may!  I want to move in the summer.  I also need a new job because my current nanny job is ending at the end of the school year.  I did not know this when I got the job!  And now, I really need to find something now.  I would love to create enough financial abundance doing my Spiritual work, and nanny no longer.  This is a tough one, because I should be panicking but I am trying not to, I am staying calm and letting the Universe and God show me the way.  But, I only have two months, so it is a bit crazy.  See how you can't just go with the flow and let it all happen?  Because nothing seems to happen to me unless I keep on keeping on every second of every day.  That is so hard to do with the pain my body is in, it takes up so much of my energy so many days.   

Loving you today, loving myself today, opening my heart more to love each and every day! Namaste!

An Awesome Sunday with my Daughter and her new Beau

What a beautiful day, one I really needed!  My daughter's new boyfriend is a dog trainer that works with Cesar Millan.  He lives in Hoboken and he held a "pack walk" for his dogs and his clients and their dogs along the water.  My daughter and I did this with him in December, in the freezing cold when he was training her dog.  Today was different though, the sun was out and it was a gorgeous day!  And I was so happy to be hanging out with my daughter and him, and walking along the water.  We have been in all winter, so it is a beautiful day to get out.
                                
The park was crowded, and about thirty dogs and their owners showed up.  I even got to meet her boyfriend's parents who were there, that was a big surprise.  They are very lovely people, which I knew they would be because he is a sweetheart.  A loving, kind, caring soul, the type of person you would want for your child.  He gives my daughter the confidence she needs in training her dog and the others, and he pushes her to challenge herself and grow.  What a wonderful thing, to have someone that cares enough about you, and wants you to shine your light so bright, they encourage you to do so.  

I spoke to her boyfriends Mother in the beginning of the walk, my daughter stayed towards the back with her dog, and a dog in training.  She is a beautiful soul, very soft spoken, calm, caring and smart.  We bonded immediately and it was so nice!  His Dad seemed very sweet and happy walking their dog with a smile on his face the entire time.  His Mother and I spoke about Cesar, how amazing he is and how close her son is to him, and how he is not only his mentor but friends as well.  I told her how we have been watching his him since his show started, of course my daughter found him years ago being the animal lover she is!  Crazy how things are turning out, my daughter use to be upset when her dog would misbehave and wonder why he couldn't be an easier dog.  So, now the answer is, she wouldn't have met her boyfriend if her was easy, because she wouldn't have needed a trainer.  
They had so much in common from the start, obviously, loving dogs!  I kept telling myself how she is going to fall for him, I know it, because he is so sweet, they have so much in common, and he liked her.  They became best friends first out of my daughters respect for his knowledge with the dogs.  And then their relationship grew and grew!!

So, after the walk, I had the opportunity to go back and see her boyfriends new place in Hoboken, and enjoy a bite to eat.  The place is really cute, perfect size, and right in the beginning of Hoboken.  You can't beat the location and he has a basement where the dogs hang out in their crates.  He just moved about a month ago, after meeting my daughter.  Being in the house, it felt like being in "their" place, not just his.  It was pretty cool, sitting there watching them on the couch hanging out together.  He is an easy going guy, very friendly, and has great energy, the same energy we have.  He is a joy to be around, fun, smart, happy and carefree when not with the dogs.  When he is with the dogs he has a much more serious energy about him.
                                       
We walked to a great place in town for lunch, and my daughter had a lot to talk about.  She spoke about her Dad, celebrating her friends birthday and much more.  It was so nice to be part of their joy, their love, their happiness, it resonates all over.  We didn't rush eating, they had a drink, and we hung out awhile. 
                               
Her boyfriend spoke about how he use to get mad easily over people like my daughter does, but how Cesar helped him to realize it's not worth his energy.  Explaining how focusing on the negative like that andgetting angry, takes away your energy.  To me, it's like giving your power away to others, and not keeping your energy for yourself to shine your light so bright.  My new Spiritual Mentor just explained this same thing to us in class the other night.  That nasty person at work, etc, that you keep complaining about and focusing your energy on, is not wasting one breath on you.  But, even more importantly, you are giving away your energy to them, and not focusing on the positive within your life.  It was cool he was saying the same thing, just a sign of synchronicity that I need to become more aware of.  

When I was alone in the bathroom with my daughter, she explained how she was with him most of the week because she didn't have to work, and how it felt more natural to be with him at his place, than not be there.  So awesome, so sweet!  I told her how normal that was, how I felt that way before, and it's such an amazing feeling.  She has never felt this way about another guy, and she is still trying to figure out her feelings, wondering what love is!  I told them both how happy I am for them, that they have each other, and my daughter has him along side her with the issues she is facing now with her Dad.  I welcomed him with open arms, but I already did this on Easter Day, so I hope he knows.  I thanked him for having me enjoy lunch with them, knowing not all families want to hang out with their parents.  I had an awesome time with my daughter, we got to bond and connect again, and it was more fun with him there!  To change the entire dynamic of our lives, one that needed a change.  To love, to have love, to bring love in, into our lives, into our world, more and more each day.
                                 
                                                                          
When I said goodbye to them and walked to my car, I turned around to look at them.  They were holding hands walking away, and tears rolled down my face, being so completely happy for them!  This is such a blessing, and it is still so new, I am still processing the love and joy I see around my daughter.  Ahh, I feel blessed, blessed she has someone to love, someone in her life who cares, other than me.  Because she doesn't want me anymore.  I never imagined this day, just like I never imagined my kids moving out.  But, it is truly a beautiful feeling.  I woke up feeling better today, lighter, with my vibration higher, and I feel it's from them.  From the walk yesterday by the water, being around the dogs, and sharing the love I see between my daughter and another human being, and it truly is beyond words.

Thank you Universe for sending her love, and for sending love into our life again, to remind us that's all there is.  Love, a loving heart.  It reminds me to react in a loving way, to everyone and everything no matter what.  A loving way, not in a way of anger, anger because they cut you off while driving each day.  Slowing down, taking a step back, and relaxing, trying to be in the moment, and go with the flow.
                                
I have so much to learn, and can't wait to fall in love again.  My niece has been telling me to go on an online dating site, and I think it is time.  It is Springtime, a time of new beginnings, and new love!  It's all over, I feel it.  
Love to you, all of you, may love fill your heart with joy!

My Experience with an Energy Healer Last Night

How awesome is the Universe sending me love and support when I ask for it?  An Angel on this earth is one of my sister in laws, who takes care of so many of us!  Well, after talking to her Friday regarding my neck pain, we tried to think of a solution.  We realized she has a Reiki Master where she learned Reiki, and offered to make an appointment with me to see her.  She got me in last night, which started at 7:30, and did not end until 12:00.  Wow, long for sure.  I had no idea how long the session was, because I was lying down trying to relax, meditate and call my guides for help. 
                                
We first spoke about me, my pain, and the words I speak.  She really made me realize how words create.  Thoughts create words, which create our life.  We talked for about an hour before she started to work on me.  She loved to explain stories of the people in her life, the people she healed, people that have passed, etc.  

After an hour of chatting, I laid down on the table.  She used her pendulum and went through my chakras to see if any were closed.  She explained that all of my chakras were closed except my crown chakra.  I explained to her what I say to myself when I wake up in this much pain, I don't even want to repeat it now.  It's about how hard it is to deal with this pain and keep pushing ahead.  Cancel that thought, this is what she taught me to say if I say a negative thing.  When she told me this I started crying because I totally understood how I was receiving what I was asking for.  Thank God that he has been slow in this process.
   
When she was giving me the Reiki, I was trying to go into a meditative state which was hard for me due to all the chatter.  When I give Reiki, and what I was taught, was to be silent in prayer, and whatever comes up, explain that to the individual when I am finished with the session.  Too much chatter drains my energy, and she spoke a lot, and I think that may have contributed to the amount of time it took to open my chakras.  She was an amazing healer though, and it was amazing she would be so compassionate and loving, to not stop until all of my chakras were open, no matter how long it took!!  She was very smart and knowledgeable about the healing work she does, and has been doing it for 25 years, and I was very impressed with her work.  I could not believe it was 12:00 when we were finished.  My sister in law helped with the healing on me, and we all receive healing energy at the same time!  God Bless my sister in law, for sitting through this!  She was sitting next to me giving me Reiki and receiving it as well.  The energy work is so awesome, a way we can all help to heal each other and ourselves.  It is Source Energy, God Energy, asking to flow through someone,to another person, to help open our chakras, which are energy centers in our body, so our body can promote healing.  
                                           
The healing session brought back my awareness of the healing energy all around us.  I realized I have to stay into this work, because I love it and it is so healing and calming.  There is a Reiki share at least once a month at someones home in South Orange.  I am going to make sure I get there, or create my own here.  That's somewhat of a drive and I am truly tired of driving anywhere anymore.  It is so draining around here, people constantly cut you off, and are so rude, in a rush, and always on their cell phone.  
Okay, I have had enough.  Peace, Love, and Light!! <3 

My Mediumship Meeting and Insights for Healing!

No matter if I am sad or not, I do realize how much I am growing and changing every day.  So, I should acknowledge that.

I went to my second Mediumship meeting with Pattie the other night, and it was great to be around like minded souls, and of course her.  She is amazing, has amazing energy and wants to teach us that we all are intuitive and can learn to talk to the Spirits, if we choose too.  And Vivian, the Angel Woman, gets messages from the Angels all the time.  It is so important for me to stay connected to people like this, that believe and live it!  People that know the Angels are there to help us, all we have to do is ask.  This is a reminder to me to stay in touch with all the time.  That is why I wrote a children's book entitled, "Faith in Angels", that I am currently working on getting illustrated and published.  It's a story about a little girl who is afraid to go to bed, and her Angel appears to help comfort her.  Her Angel reminds her to ask for her help, and she will always be there! 
                                        

I spoke to her after class about my body pain.  She checked to see if there were any entities on me, and she said there was a man, who was schizophrenic, was wedged way into my upper back and into my neck.  She worked on taking him out, and asked me if I was ever in a Psychiatric Ward?  No, not really, but way back when my husband was in Chiropractor School I worked in an Orphanage for children.  She said that is where the entity attached onto me. Crazy stuff, I know!  I did feel a coolness sweeping off my upper back when she did this.  I don't really understand about the entities attaching to you, but it must be like energies attaching to you.  Why do they attach to certain people?  That I don't get.  And they can affect you?  Sounds so unfair to me, how this could happen.  Cleansing yourself must help, extending light from your heart chakra out to the world like protecting yourself.  We can also concentrate on breathing in negativity and breathing out love and joy!  Taking all the negative around us, breathing it into us, through us, into the earth, and transforming it to light!  Sounds very empowering to me.

                              

When I spoke to the other woman, who is a Shaman and one of the owners of Mystical World, about my pain, she said I am picking up on the negative energy all around me. I explained how worse it is the morning after I attend a Spiritual event.  She explained when your light shines brighter and brighter, it attracts the negative energy!  Ha, I know sometimes this all seems so crazy, especially when I feel sad at home so much.  And then I am like, why didn't I know about this years ago?  She explained how I need to protect myself.  She told me to focus on the light in my heart shining so bright, and extending it outside my body, creating a field of intense light.  She also explained to put more light around my neck to protect it.   Then she said what Teal Swan says about the negative energy, to transmute it into light. To be aware of this, and put the intent out.  

It helps me to feel better to know there is reasons my pain feels worse in the morning after an event.  My new morning mantra is "The loving light is healing my body and neck each and every day".  Transformation starts from within, within our own thoughts.  I am finally learning how my thoughts have created my life now, and have the power to change them.  That is the revelation, that we do control ourselves, and our thoughts, and can control what we think.  



When it is hard to stay positive and hopeful, I totally get up and do something different, or change my environment by leaving. It is Saturday today and I am lonely so I am going home to visit my sweet sister in law and brother that I love so much!  They are always there for me, always have an open door for me, and that means so much to me.  It comforts me and keeps me feeling connected to family.  I need to get on with my life, somewhere out of here.  I want happiness and love into my life now.  I am open to receive what the Universe has to offer to me, all in my highest good.  Thank you Universe, Amen!
Love and Light always! 

A Light at the end of the Tunnel!

Yesterday was a cold, rainy day, I even had to wear my winter coat with the hood.  Today, the sun is shining, and I can't wait to get outside, but the sad thing is I have no where to go.  I no longer have my own, private back yard surrounded by trees, oak trees, pine trees, and Christmas trees!  I no longer have my front porch that I would go out and sit on in the morning with my tea                                          .

                                         

or coffee.  After my Reiki Healing session, it made me aware of many things, and one of them is working on staying in the present moment, and stop dwelling on the past.  My new mantra is surrender, release and let go.  These lessons have always been there for me, being in such resistance at times.  If my lessons are in front of my face by where I am right now in my life, then it is time to face them so I can move on and not stay stuck in the past.  The past was my husband, my family that I kept yearning for.    

What is my future?  I don't even know as it is a total open book.  That maybe exciting to some, but its alone without my family.  Alone, walking this path alone.  We are not alone, never alone because we are always connected, we are one.  But, tell me that when I wake up in the morning without my daughters or son to say "hello" to!  And, no one there at night to call and ask what they want me to pick up and cook for dinner.  Eating alone morning and night, God, it does get sad.  

                                         

But, I am working on seeing the light again, as I have no choice any longer due to my body pain and my chakras closing, which are now open.  How do we keep them open was my question.  Staying away from negativity, especially negative thoughts I tell myself.  This was my first awakening at the session, the thoughts in my head when I am in lots of pain, and wow, they weren't very good at all.  I don't even want to repeat them, but I probably have mentioned them before, but never will again.  I made a pack with myself that I will no longer say such things about my life, my self, etc., and I will send my neck and body light, the healing light I tell everyone else about, I am sending to my neck each morning.  My neck is filled with God's love and light each moment and I am blessed and grateful for this day!  Show me loved ones coming into my life to connect with, and who need my services so I can create financial abundance through what I love to do.  And send me new loved ones who can help support me here on earth now!
                     

My visions are so many, I sat down and drew a picture of the Angel I want to appear in my book!  She is so cute and I love her and can not wait to get her into action and share her with the world!  Thank you God, thank you Universe for sending me these gifts that I love and enjoy doing so much!                           

To all of you out there who have been struggling as I, there will be light at the end of the tunnel.  You must believe first, just believe!  Believe in love, believe in yourself, believe in miracles!  I have fallen off the path so many times, so it is  good to remember how to get back on the path where I am flowing down the river and not against it.  This is so hard to do when you feel so stuck in pain, sadness, despair, or any other painful emotion.  

The energy is there, we can manifest what we focus on easily now.  So, I am going with that and can't wait to share what manifests first in my life!

Namaste, Amen!