Waking up Feeling so Overwhelmed Today

I woke up so sad and upset today.  Such a bummer when this happens.  It was the first time here I stayed in bed thinking.  Usually I get up immediately out of bed here, because I do not like being in my bedroom.  As I am trying to think why, it's probably because I do not want to be alone, alone here.  So I am like boycotting accepting it, and haven't fully organized that room.  I suppose I should make the effort and do that one day, maybe I will fall in love with it a little more.

                                     

I feel so overwhelmed today.  Overwhelmed with my life, the mistakes I made in the past year with working, and having to live at my brothers home.  That seems to have left me hard, staying with my brother.  I was there for six weeks and cried most of the time there.  It is such a shame our memories haunt us so.  What is the solution to rid these memories away for good?  Inner child work I suppose.  I did so much inner child work last summer, I had to put it aside for awhile.  Although I have changed the way I process sadness or anger now.  I will ask myself when was the first time I felt this way?  What past memory is triggering this action in me?  And then it usually comes.  

But, today I feel there is so much work I need to do on myself, I am overwhelmed.  I was reading some old journals I have, and this one was from my time with my husband when we had broken up for a year, and us getting back together.  I was so insecure, and always wanted his reassurance of love.  This must have been very draining, and definitely not healthy for any relationship.  It is crazy to read things from thirty years ago about your life, things you don't even remember, and truly see who you were during that time!  Enlightenment for sure.  I was not the calm, understanding wife I thought I was, I would get hurt very quickly, and then lash back at my husband.  This saddens me, and makes me feel more guilty over my past mistakes.  I am working on forgiving myself from the past mistakes I feel I have made, and it has helped, but I guess I will have to add this to my bucket list.  

                                       

I wish so many things were different.  I wish I made so many different choices in the past.  I wish I did not hurt my children as much as I did.  I could go on and on.  But for now, I wish for love and happiness in my life, along with the financial abundance I am looking for to set me free.  Free to go anywhere I want to go, free to go see anyone I want to see.  Free to never have to worry about paying for my bills, free to own the few homes I want to own.  Free to deposit money into my families bank accounts, free to help save the world in any way I choose!   And I think, that freedom will cause lots of happiness to myself and others, and as a result will help raise the vibration and energy of the world!

                                            
           Yes, Amen, Peace and Love, Om Shante, Shante Om, Namaste!