A New Home at the Beach!

  

Okay, here goes, it's true!  I am moving down the shore, I think I still am in shock.  It just happened quickly, within a few days.   After realizing I can not afford to be up North with my children, and can only afford a one bedroom, I decided to move down the beach.  My children don't see me that often anymore, so there isn't a reason for me to be up there, I have no true friends there either.  My family is my support system and some friends more South.  My niece is getting married and just bought a home down the Shore.  He new husband to be is renting out his condo now due to the move.  I text her to ask her if it was still available, and low and behold it was!  And now it is mine!  Wow, I am still shocked, I can move in in three weeks.  This just happened so quickly I wasn't prepared for it this fast, but I am happy and thrilled. 
The first day I got a little worried, being on my own again financially, but I got through that quickly, knowing I will be fine.  It still hasn't sunk in yet, that I actually will have my own home!  All for me, just for me myself, don't have to live with someone else, just me!  I don't mean my children, I would love to live with them.
I hung out with my spiritual buddy who actually lives at the beach I am going to.  He is an Energy Healer, a really special one, like John of God.  He has been working on getting me healthy, doing energy work on me, and other things as well.  He also is a medium, and spirits talk to him all the time.  He said we met for a reason, and that the spirits guided him to me at the Sound Healing Class we attended.  And we have been friends ever since, he knows my pain, how bad it has been, and how stuck I am in my life as to where I am living.  After his healing Sunday, and we went out to eat and sat a special, my energy has finally shifted.  I woke up in terrible pain Monday, had to ice my neck all day, but Monday night is when I found out I had a new place to live, and it's down the shore!  Wow, I think it will feel like I am on vacation all summer, living down there!  No more driving from up North to hit the beach on the weekends, no more insane driving up and down the Parkway and Turnpike.  My new friend says the beach is going to be my new home, that this is where I am suppose to be now.  Now it is time for a healing, time for me to just relax, enjoy the moment, the day, the sun, the ocean, the sand, the shells, the seagulls, the feathers, the rocks, and heal!  Yes, I am open and ready to receive such Love and Joy come into my heart and life!  My children have always told me to do what I want, and live where I want to live.  I always did say as soon as my son graduated, I was going to move away from Bergen County, never really liking it there.  So, now, since I am taking care of myself and doing what pleases me, supposedly my children will feel more happier, safe and secure too.  I surely hope so, I hope the loving, positive energy bleeds down to them, they so much desire true, unconditional love.  
And maybe, this time I will find true love, once and fall all, down the shore, where I love to be!  I am happy, finally, and have a smile on my face most of the day now, all because I will soon have a home of my own, with my wonderful pieces of energy around me, which I miss very much!  Its been nine months without anything, just my clothes, not even a dresser to put my stuff in!  Thank you God, Source, Angels, Jesus, Mary, Aliens, Ascended Masters and all, for saving me! 

Message from the Ascended Masters 2/17/2016

 

Here is an uplifting, awesome message from the Ascended Masters, The Archangels, and also, many Alien species.  Here is just one of their many messages given to us at this time, to help us all come into full consciousness: 

There is a grand operation in place to receive the funds which have been hidden from us.  There will be new governments, and the new funds will be distributed successfully to all intended parties.  These new governments will end our debt slavery, and terminate the decades long UFO cover up, and then we can make contact with you directly.

These are very interesting times.  Many prosperity programs  will be put in place, and will end poverty and ill health.  A new world wide Medical system is being born that uses both new and traditional modalities.  We are coming into full consciousness.

We are in the beginning to watching many miracles to come.  It is important to forgive those that have cast you into your current predicament.  This is important as this will help you easily remove the gene sequences that restrict you.  Once this is cleared, you will get a better idea of where you came from and where you are now going.  It is important to accept to where you are now in your life.  These exercises will help you to regaining the status of "physical Angels".  We are working to help prepare you for the grand transformation that awaits you, and you will reunite with your spiritual and space families.  What is happening on Gaia is indeed a miracle!  

Your new reality will be filled with many miracles.  You are emerging from lack, to abundance.  Move forward and help each other in your quests.  You become a positive visionary and capable of working true miracles.  This new reality is filled with blessings.  We are amazed at what you have done to permit all of this to happen.  Your positive vision has helped keep most of the darkness at bay.  Pat yourself on the back for making this happen as quickly as you have.  

In your new reality, you will dive into fulfilling into your mission, into numerous projects.  This is when we can truly teach you about your journey and history.  Everyone was manipulated and controlled by the Annanaci.  This special time is to free you from this, to be set free and learn how you got here.  Most of you are some form of starseed, taken centuries long journey.  You are to forge a new history, with a most sacred conclusion.  Prepare for what is ahead of you, a most glorious future.  Know many miracles will occur, and know the countless supply of never ending prosperity of Heaven are yours.  
Here is the video, which is much more entailed: 

Messages from the Arcturian Group

Hello Soul Family!  Today I would love to share some news for any and all of you who are interested in messages from the Arcturian Group, that is helping guide us each day to create Heaven on Earth, or many of you say the ascension.  This is a very exciting time to be her on Mother Gaia, we are all Warriors for sure, for choosing to come to Earth during this time.  The help from above come in many forms, God, Source, Angels, Arcturians, and the many other Alien beings helping us into oneness, all coming back to Source.  I have been listening to videos such as this one, for the past few months, channeled messages from all of them, telling us what to expect, how to prepare, and to stay focused on what we want to manifest!  It is also important for each of us, us light workers, to get this information out to any and all!  

Here is the message from the Arcturian Group, from February 21, 2016.  If you do not want to read the recap I have written, you can jump straight down to the bottom and listen to the message yourself, only ten minutes long, well worth it.  These messages will help anyone who still feels stuck, who is sad, who is suffering, who doesn't feel worthy, or with anything you are going through.  These messages bring hope to me always, knowing there truly is a bigger reason why we are here!  Namaste, Peace, Love, Light and Blessings to all! 
Arcturian Group:
We see you aware and growing more each day.  It is a time of celebration on this side as we observe the light of mankind becoming forever more bright. These times have been anticipated eagerly by all of us on this side working with Gaia and her people. 
Know that you are loved immensely and honored for the courage and bravery you show in the midst of so much turmoil and struggle arising to be cleared at this time.  We want to speak of the gains in your journey, because many of you believe nothing has changed.  Without you realizing it, your new consciousness has already become your ordinary.  Take a moment to see where you were a year ago, and you will see how much you have grown.  You have moved to new levels of awareness.  Some still believe a powerful religious experience must take place or you are not evolving, this is not true, it is one step at a time.  Each step bringing you forever forward to a higher state of consciousness.  Some will have powerful experiences, others will not, but this is not proof.
It is awareness time, physical, emotional and mental awareness.  What are we aware of on each of these levels?  We may still be holding old patterns with old and finished energy.  We are all evolving to oneness with Source!!! We can not be divine consciousness and a victim of the body.  What are you creating?  What do you want to create?  The body does not govern you, you govern it.  
You are divine consciousness, and therefore, complete and whole in every way.  State an intention to find the solution that closely resonates with your energy.  Go within, listen and then take whatever steps you are guided to take.   Listen, and follow through, Spirit will guide you!  When you find yourself reacting to a person, place or thing, and judging it as good or bad, it indicates an issue in cellular memory needing recognition.  Reactions are gifts, not to be pushed aside with guilt or repression, but to make you aware of issues needing deeper examinations.  Emotions from past anger can reappear even though so very long ago.  This really shows your spiritual growth to go inside deeper and more completely.  Realize, release, and move beyond the experience!  (Wow, that easy!) Powerful experiences leave an imprint in cellular memory and continue to manifest as fears, attractions, etc. until cleared. Just focus on your Dreams.  
MUCH OF WHAT YOU ARE NOW SPIRITUALLY RESOLVING, YOU HAVE CARRIED WITH YOU FROM MANY OTHER LIFETIMES, BUT ONLY IN THIS LIFETIME WERE YOU EVOLVED ENOUGH TO ADDRESS.  
Awareness of the mental body, means taking time to think of everything you feel to be true.  Go within and feel how you truly feel about it, not what your belief system was.  Examine your belief system, as it may have changed, and you may want to detach from a former group, but you have outgrown them.  If you stay, this will only stagnate you.
THE WINDOW ON EARTH FOR ASCENSION IS NOW.  We remind you of the importance of self examination, it is a powerful tool for discovering beliefs you may still be holding. You are ready to pull aside the curtain and embrace the realities behind the material things.  Some, after discovering God, believe once saved, will do nothing and wonder why their life will fall apart.  This must become your attained state of consciousness before it can pour outwardly. 
 It is important to have quiet time once a day, as you contemplate in rest in truth, after stating your intentions, and sending light to yourself, your chakras, and the world.  You will be intuitively guided to other actions as well, because in silent awareness you become receptive.  This is the evolutionary journey, and these are the footsteps.  
If you have not already done it, state your intention to evolve, to clear, and move beyond any obsolete cellular memory.  Withdraw attention from all the third dimensional hype that constantly bombards you.  Become your own authority, TAKING BACK THE POWER YOU IGNORANTLY GAVE AWAY, AND BE WHO YOU ALREADY  ARE!

Finally Speaking to My Ex and Letting Go

Wow, I did it!  I finally got the balls to talk to my ex, which I have been wanted to do for about a year now.  A few years after our divorce he blocked my phone number, and wouldn't ever speak to me.  He supposedly hated me because he didn't want the divorce, and I went back to Court very often to fight for custody of my kids which I lost in the divorce. It has been fourteen years now since we have been apart.  
I drove to his office, parked my car on the main street, and got out of my car, and just stood there wondering what to do.  I had to keep telling myself, just go inside, just go inside.  I finally walked into his office and told his receptionist that I was his ex wife, and wanted to speak to him, if he would see me.  I told her he many not want to see me, and if not, that's okay, I would leave.  She explained he had just stepped out for a few minutes, but would be right back.  I thought of leaving once again, but talked myself into sitting down and waiting.  Then I hear the receptionists telling the Doctor that someone is here to see him!  She didn't even tell him who it was, and as he walked into the waiting area, he looked at me, and shook his head back and forth a few times, in total shock.  He turned away and started to walk to the back of his office, and I said to the girls, I guess he doesn't want to talk to me.  They told me to follow him, which I did.   He brought me to a room where there was a couch and a TV, I was feeling uncomfortable and confused. 
He sat down and I started explaining how sorry I was for what happened to us, that it wasn't only his fault.  I told him I wish it didn't end the way it did.  He was cold at first, and closed down.  Then, bam, he started getting hot, letting off lots of steam about everything!  I was surprised and shocked.  After about five minutes of apologizing, which helped open his heart, he started yelling about so many things.  He brought up about the divorce, why I went back to Court, why I hired an attorney that was out of County!  He told me he wired my entire home when he moved out!  What? Wow? That's just crazy!!  
He started off with telling me what a bad mother and house keeper I was, telling me I didn't even cook dinner for my kids!  I told him he was crazy and wrong, I always cooked.  I would even bake all the time, even baking Banana bread for his brother sometimes!  He must have been talking about his current wife, but reflecting that onto me.  He said the Judge took the kids away from me because I was a bad Mother, that the therapists thought I was crazy, and DYFS took the children away from me for a week!   This is all so untrue, a lie he made up and convinced himself, and told the children this, all so he didn't have to face the truth of what he did.  Of what a horrible thing he did to his children and wife.  So mean and painful.

He said I told him at my son's High School graduation that I stilled loved him and wanted him back! WTF?? Where the heck did he get that from?  How could he twist that in his head?? Oh my!  I started laughing, and told him I never said that, I congratulated him on the birth of his daughter, trying to make peace.  He told me the children were scared shit that I was going to yell at him!  Hello, wake up call, it's the other way around!  They were worried he was going to flip out on me.  He actually screamed for over an hour, so hot his neck was turning red.  I should have told him to stop, breathe and calm down, but didn't, I just tried to listen to him vent.  

He insulted our children, which shocked me, explaining how badly they did in College, and how they do nothing for him around the house and never did. Big fat lie!! I remember how my son had to go to his house on the days he was with me to help his dad with the pool, the yard, the lawn furniture, the deck, the snow, and more!  And my daughter who lives there now is like Ms. Mom, shes a great Mother and housekeeper, I am very proud of her.  She takes care of his house now, the food shopping, and cares for her three year old sister all the time.  Wow, all he did was complain about everyone and everything.  So very negative he is, the children were so right, it's so very sad. 
He yelled about how his family was never there for him, and how they lied and said they were always there for him after the divorce and when he had his new baby.  He explained that he and his wife will probably divorce.  He praised her for taking care of his Mother daily, and the kids said this was not true!  
At one point he sat down and tears came to his eyes, and I knelt down in front of him, touched his hand and told him I felt bad for him, and will always care about him.  When I went to leave he mentioned something about him never going backwards, and I said that is not why I came, to get back together.  I wanted to clear the air, let go, and make peace.  This has been holding over my head for a very long time, and I needed to make resolution for myself, and try to get to him about his health, and clear the air for all of us.  
I felt so badly for him I hugged him when I left, he wouldn't look at me.  I told him to look me in the eyes and he would not, and then I left.  As I got into my car, tears were rolling down my face, feeling badly about the things he said, the way I treated him.
I went back and picked up my son for dinner.  I wasn't going to tell them, but I was so upset, my head was spinning, so much was said that I needed to process.  When I explained what was said to my son, he basically told me the opposite.  Mostly everything my ex said to me was a lie, a lie, and to make me feel badly for him.   He is so out of it, he doesn't even know what reality is, he goes in and out when it is convenient for him.  He twists and manipulates everything you say, to blame you and benefit him.  It was like a spark from the past, as I remembered he always did this to me, trying to tell me it was my fault not his, and then I would almost believe it, question it, feeling confused.  Wow, he hasn't grown one bit, and has gotten worse, I hate to say.  Wow, how I forgot this about us!  I am so glad I forgot, and so glad he reminded me!  
I didn't like when he insulted the children, and I stuck up for them, explaining how much we are to blame for their life, their pain, their behavior, look at what we did to them.  Look at what he did to them by taking them away from me!  Not letting them sleep at my home during the school week for years, I cried and cried.  He even wired my house during that time, how dare him!  I am truly angry and upset about this, what is wrong with him?  Is his pain and suffering now Karma?  And I always hate to say this, but he truly was responsible for my suffering and my three children's suffering by splitting us up, and ripping them away from me!  It was so unfair, so unfair, I get so angry when I remember that as well, that is why I have to let it go and forget.  Because they say it was all lessons learned, all pre planned before our birth, all agreeing to this together.  Wow, that is a crazy theory I know, but I believe it.   I just want it all to end, the pain and suffering for me, my children, and all of us.  Peace, Peace on Earth.  
I am so glad I spoke to him, and now I truly can see what my children are dealing with.  So sad, so sad it is.  I need to make some cash fast so I can get my kids out of there!   It was great talking to my son, he sees things so clearly, and was right about everything.   
So, now I feel great I had closure, and can walk away from that part of my life.  I feel less attached to Bergen County now, and can walk away easier.  I think this is going to help me with moving on, moving ahead to find that true love who is out there, just waiting for me! Thank you, Amen.

Moving Down the Shore

Okay, so I finally made a major decision about where to live.  I have been contemplating moving up North to be with my children, to get a place large enough for us.   But, I just realized I don't have enough income to do that.  I can only financially now afford a one bedroom for myself.  
I lived up there last winter in a one bedroom with myself and was so terribly depressed.  To be up North for my children is great, but only if I see them once or twice a week, not once or twice a month.  They don't want to see me all the time anymore since they all moved out, they are figuring out themselves, and don't want to hang out as a family as much anymore.  It's sad for me to accept I can't afford a place for my children and myself.  But, if I can not, there is no sense in me being up North.  
I have been contemplating moving down the shore last year when my kids moved out, but changed my mind, missing my kids so much, running back up there.  Which I did, in that apartment, and hated it, and my children barely came to visit.  The beach always calls me all summer long, especially the weekends when everyone is off.  Imagine to be able to live down the shore and not ever having to drive there again?  Wow, how awesome and wonderful is that, especially that I have been complaining about driving so much now.  How can I not be happy in May when the weather is warm, and I can walk to the beach?? Hello!  And to be able to do that all year long, a dream come true.  I suppose I never thought I would have the opportunity to live down the shore because my children and family is up North, and Central Jersey.  I think now that is why my job and house rental fell through last summer, because I wasn't meant to live up there now.  Since the summer, I have been at my brothers home, which is definitely a struggle for sure, but always trying to stay positive.  I moved in with him, because I had no where to go, and have been deciding what to do and where to go.  
So, I just started looking at places down the shore, and I can get a one bedroom pretty inexpensive and only a few blocks from the beach!  How awesome is that?  I was looking at Ocean Grove, Bradley Beach, Avon and Long Branch.  Then I realized my niece and her family go to Long Branch beach because she lives there now, and I have another friend there.  Why go to another beach to lay alone on the beach again, when I always visit this niece at the beach with her boys anyway.  So, I think I will be happier in Long Branch, most times when I hit the beach I hang out with them anyway, this way I will already be there!!
Looking forward to this new transition in my life, thank you God and the Universe for sure!

So it's Valentine's Day Today

Love, so today is the day to remember Love! <3 How crazy it is that we need a day to fall in Love all over again!  I love it, I love the remembering of Love, and realizing how nice the world will be when we do this daily, we remember the Love.  We remember who we love, who is in our life to help support us, who is always there for us.  We remember the special people who have crossed our paths, and thank them.  We remember our family, our friends, and thank them for connecting again, and for opening their hearts to love. It is a time to remember all the blessings we have to be grateful for, all the love that surrounds us. 
A time to forgive ourselves and others.  

I don't know about you, but for me, my heart seems to be opening more each day.  I see everyone as pure love, and extension of myself and the Universe, all as one.  With all the changes that are being created on earth, this is what is happening to all.  It is a very easy time now to turn to love, because the light is all around us, more now than ever before!  Just be aware, stay focused on Love and not fear!  Fear, the total opposite of Love, and both can not exist at the same time.  Love flows, source energy flows, fear stops this flow.  The faucet is either love or fear, take your pick.  Just be aware where your thoughts flow, and switch them to love and understanding, and non judgement.  To understand our brother, and not judge him for his pain, to know we all have made poor choices.  I know I can not insult another for their choices, as I have made beyond bad choices, and my children ended up suffering from them as well.  I use to focus on all the mistakes I made and wished I made better choices, but I finally let go of that.  I did this for years, and it is such a sad place to be.  Thoughts still come up, and I work through forgiving myself, and focusing on the now, what is in my life now to Love and be grateful for.  We need to forgive ourselves, forgive ourselves for our past choices, we did the best we could, lessons were learned, and we are here now.  Be here in the now, in the moment, in Love and Blessings.  
If you are alone, reach out to love.  Reach out to those who love you unconditionally for support, for someone just to listen, to know you are loved.  Just stop and feel that Love in your heart, literally in your heart.  Imagine that Love flowing out of you as a beautiful white light, extending out to all.  Love and Light.  Light is what we truly are.  It is all around us if we stay focused on the love and light.
If you don't have a honey to be with today, as I do not, take the time to do what you Love all day!  Take a bath, color, paint, draw, write, bake, call your friends, write special Love notes to others, research something you have wanted to, anything, do anything that makes you feel good, anything you love, to show yourself how much love you have.  We are all here at this time for a very special reason, to create major world change, and it all starts with loving ourselves.  So, it is very important to start within! 
I wish all of you, and the world, love today, and everyday.  I wish we all become more aware and conscious of the Love that surrounds us, be aware, and give it a try.  I love you! <3 

Time for Love Today

It is time, time for this time to end, to come to love and light.  For the world to come to a state of heaven on earth, this is what keeps me going now.  All the messages from the Angels, Jesus, the Aliens, etc., is about love.  How the rest is just an illusion, it's all love, but we forgot.  Time now is about letting go of the past and forgiving ourselves, coming back to love.  To loving ourselves, forgiving ourselves, and opening our heart to love.  This is the way, the only way to have peace on earth for humanity, one by one.  
I can tell you that since January my heart has been so much more open to love.  I feel so much more love in my heart, feeling it extending out to others that I meet.  I pray and meditate on love and light, on God's light coming through my being, healing my body and soul.  I focus on the light any time I can remember, and send light to my loved ones who are suffering, especially my children and their Father.  The love I have is unconditional, loving each person for who they are, for being a part of them, together, connected always.
The journey has just begun for me to find peace on earth.  I am focusing on what I want now in my life, the home I want to have so my children can come back and live with me.  I feel so badly for them, how bad it is living with their Dad, him being so unhealthy, and I feel disappointed with myself that I do not have a home for them now.  Then, it takes me back to the past, on how many mistakes I made, and moved out of a home I owned, an awesome home with a built in pool.  Life would have been so different if I stayed there, I would own it now, me and the kids wouldn't have had to move so many times, causing me to feel so unsafe and lost.  I still go back to the past, and have to force myself out of there, knowing I cried over it for years, and need to let go and move on.
I can go from hope and faith, to sadness from my past and where I am now, in the matter of minutes.  It is a journey I am ready to change to positive, to love, to gratitude, to hope, to faith, to miracles occurring to send me so much money I can have the home I want, with my family around.  The become the author I have wanted to become, and to fall in love with that special man.  Yes, I can't wait to fall in love, I want a family again, I wish I had the original family I had, and wish I never lost them.  But, I did, life turned out nothing like I would have wanted, so sad being alone now, without my own home, when I owned one and lost it due to poor decisions.  So sad not having a home for my children now that they need me, need me to have a safe home for them to feel loved and nourished in.  So, God, if it is meant to be, send me a home to live in with my children so we can all feel safe and loved.  I love you, I love me, I love all, you are all my brother!  Remember that, we are all one! 

My Birthday Blessings of Love

                                                                        

Wow, I am still glowing from my Birthday celebrations, celebrations I planned for myself.  I always seem to be the planner, and now I don't mind at all.  Since I am no longer living with my children, and been pretty sad, I decided to make plans for my Birthday, and celebrate with my friends, and so I did.

Friday night I made plans to get together with my old Sherwood Ave friends, at a Portuguese Restaurant in South River.  Two of my friends had to cancel, so it ended up being only me and my two friends.  That did not matter though, as the three of us had a great time, and the Sangria was awesome too!  My two friends didn't know each other well, but I knew they would click right away, as they are very much alike, very kind, giving and love with an open heart.  We talked about old times, new times, things we have been through, and times to look forward too.  My girlfriend's daughter was working on drawing me a picture of a young girl in bed, with an Angel above her.  Well, she handed it to me when she arrived, and chills ran through my body, they were so cute!  I told my friend, and she was so happy.  She explained her daughter was really excited about this project, and now I can't wait to connect with her and take it to the next step, publishing!!!

Then, on Sunday morning, I had brunch in Hoboken with my children, and my daughter's boyfriend who I love.  It was a wonderful morning, we had such a nice time.  Now, we have a new person in our family, and I love it!  This is all new for us, as my daughters are all grown up, and this being the first "serious" boyfriend.  They have plans to marry, and I couldn't be happier for both of them.  They are so much alike, and are great team players running his Dog Training Service.  I showed the children the illustrations for my book, and they thought they were cute.  We talked about many things, and it seems their Dad always comes up, in concern.  He is not in a good place, and he has a young daughter he has to care for.  Everyone has tried to inter vein and help him, to no avail.  I keep saying how I want to talk to him, maybe I can get through to him.  But every time I mention this with my children, they tell me he won't want to listen to me because,"he hates you Mommy".  He hates me because he didn't ever want a divorce, my daughter tells me.   Even though he is the one that filed for that divorce, not me.  He moved out because I wanted him to because he was yelling at me, and treating me pretty badly for years.  He did say if he moved out this time, he wouldn't come back, that he couldn't do this any longer.  I understood that, but cried the day I read those divorce papers on the front lawn in Paramus.  We had alot of love for one another, and were College sweethearts, each other's first true love.  I feel for him now, realizing I did things wrong too, and want to help him.  He will always be the father of my three children, and I will always have a connection to him due to all the love we had for thirty years.  It's so nice to see my daughter's relationship growing with her boyfriend, and being around them is really nice, great energy they both have.  Being with my son was great too, he has great energy and always seems so happy, he has a great spirit for sure.  My other daughter couldn't make it, and she was missed.  I will get together with her another time.  

After leaving Brunch on Sunday, I decided to visit my brother and his wife and kids.  We went to grab a bite to eat, and then I left to get home to watch the Super Bowl.  I love hanging out with my sister in law and her daughter, we are close and they are family to me. I know they are always there for me, if they can be.  

                                                

Then on Monday, the day of my Birthday, my sister in law took me out to lunch, to a really fancy Restaurant.  It was so beautiful, and so special, time went so fast we didn't even get the chance to talk about everything!  There is so much going on with all of us now, and it seems as if time is just flying by as well.  My ex came up too, and she felt the same, that maybe I could be the one to get through to him, and not let my children discourage me.  It would be tough to get to him because he doesn't ever want to see me or talk to me, so I would have to go to his office and pray he would see me.  I have asked God if I am suppose to help him, then show me how, show me the way to get to him.  

Then, my spiritual guy friend down the shore, took me out to eat, and did a healing on me as well.  He is a new, great healer, being compared to John of God.  He has worked on me a few times, and my pain is still pretty intense, isn't better at all.  He has told me he has healed so many others, and I ask why am I not one of them yet?? We were going to go to a Sound Healing in Belmar, but due to the bad weather, we decided not to.  I got home early and was happy to be here in my temporary home for the night.  I do not like being outside at night in the cold, so I stay in and hibernate as much as I can.  I think that's what winter is for, hibernating, self reflecting, soul searching, digging deep and figuring it all out.  As long as you are happy and content, you can stay in all the time.  When you are sad, it could be very difficult keeping your spirits up staying inside all day.

So, I must say I am so very grateful today.  I have many memories, and am so glad I made the plans I did for my day.  It was truly special, all of the celebrating I did with each person, has touched my heart in many ways.  I feel so grateful and blessed to have the special, wonderful, caring, loving people I have in my life.  For today I am not sad about my living situation, nor sad about not living with my children anymore and living far away, nor sad about my financial situation and my pain.  Today I am feeling so happy and blessed to love, to have love, and to be loved.  

I hope everyone, everywhere has someone special to love them unconditionally always.

What Makes You Happy??

Self Love, are we all becoming more aware of finding a life that makes us happy?  Yes, looking for happiness in this lifetime, what's the sense of living each day if we can't be happy and follow our joy?  So many people think they have no choices, they are stuck in life and their job.  But, we do have choices, it takes courage to follow our hearts, and re evaluate our lives if we are not happy.  To think about what we do want.  And to have hope and faith to know we can have what we want, and stay focused upon it.  To know we deserve it, to know that it is already ours because we are a piece of God, here to shine our light so bright!  We must believe, believe in ourselves, and if we do not, ask other's what they love about us.
I have so many dreams I have not accomplished yet, and I will make every effort to manifest them.  As my Dad said, it's all in our minds, everything is, and we can create anything we want.  
So, here I go.  All of my friends and family know I want a house on the Beach, a house on the lake, a while Porsche Cayan, I want to become a child's author, and adult author, and want to run a Yoga/Healing Center, wanting to save the world, one person, one child at a time.  I also would love to help the animals, open up some private shelters also.  That was always my daughter's dream, so sweet and caring she is for those animals!

Having to Put Our Dog to Sleep

It is crazy that we adopt animals, love them to death, all knowing they will die someday.  It's like we do this to ourselves, all knowing they will not be with us forever, but we don't think about this when we adopt!  We never think of the day they will be ill, or get hurt, and have to leave us.

This dog was not mine, she was my brother's, a Golden Retriever, Zoey.  She wasn't feeling well for the past month, and had a fever on and off.  My brother was in and out of the vet with her, trying to figure out what was wrong.  She also was having problems walking, and getting up and down, and had a leg injury years ago.  The vet finally took xray's of her leg, and decided to xray her lungs as well.  He found a large mass the size of an apple on her lungs, feeling it may be cancerous.  My brother came home that day, and knelt down by his dog, and started to cry.  My heart broke for him, and didn't even know what to do to comfort him, as I put my hand on his shoulder.  This is always really tough, death.  

My brother is the oldest of six boys and myself, and he does not show much emotion when he is sad.  When I went to attend a friend of mine's grandchild's funeral, my brother told me he wouldn't have been able to go, because he couldn't handle it.  I didn't understand that at the time, knowing for me I don't think about it, I try to be there for others if needed in a crisis, and pray, breathe, and ask God for support.  It's all about supporting one another on this earth, especially through rough times.  

So, the vet was going to do a sonogram of the mass in about a week, to see what was going on better.  But, as soon as she was diagnosed and came back from the vet, she stopped eating.  She became very weak, and could barely walk, and was becoming unresponsive all within a few days.  She started to hang out in my room, staying here, and not wanting to leave, and I didn't understand why she didn't want to stay in the Living Room with my brother.  The poor baby, I spent much time on the floor with her, petting her, sending her Reiki Energy wishing it would save her, and telling her it was okay, she would be okay either way.  
We had a major snowstorm over the weekend, and I stayed in all day.  She laid on my floor, and I pet her and spoke to her.  By Sunday, she was getting weaker, and starting to shake while she tried to walk.  While petting her, I felt she was telling me she was done, and she was very weak.  I spoke to my brother about how she was acting, and told him he should take her to the vet.  He explained he was going to stop at the vet the next day to get some medication to stimulate her appetite.  Okay, I wanted him to take her in so the Doctor could check her and see what he felt, but I just went with it.  But, by Tuesday, when I went into the bathroom, Zoey came out of my room and I heard a thump.  It was her, she had fallen flat in the hallway, with her legs spread wide open, and I have never seen her lay this way before.  That was when I said I have to talk to my brother again, while looking into her eyes.  She was suffering, she was hurting, and it just wasn't fair for her for us to do nothing.
So, when I came home Tuesday night, my brother was still in the living room, asleep on the couch.  I woke him up as I walked in, and I asked how Zoey was.  "Not good", was his response.  So, I spoke to him about how much she was suffering, and is so very weak that she could barely walk, and how she hasn't eaten in days, and how she barely responds to me when I call her.  I told him he should take her to the vet and put her to sleep.  Well, he wasn't happy to hear that in the least.  He got somewhat upset and told me no, he wasn't going to do that, and it is his dog.  I told him he was being selfish, making her suffer like that.  Then, I went in my room to go to bed.

I left a note for him that night explaining to him that I didn't mean to upset him last night and that I knew how hard this was.  Well, when I woke up the next morning, my brother was home and did not go to work.  When I went out my door, there he was sitting on his couch in the Living Room crying.  I sat next to him and started to rub his back with my hand, telling him I was sorry.   He felt that I was right about Zoey, and explained how hard this was for him, and he didn't even know what to do.  I told him I would help him any way I could, and he wanted me to call the vet, so I did, we had an 11:30 appointment.  He said he couldn't go in with her, we could have the workers get her from his Jeep and take her in.  I told him I would stay with her, so we would take two cars.  

When the time came to leave, my brother had to pick Zoey up from the Living Room, and carry into the back of his Jeep.  It was hard for him to pick her up, but finally got her up.  When we arrived at the Vet's office, my brother couldn't even open the back of the Jeep while we waited, and I felt badly that I could not comfort Zoey. As we were standing outside the truck waiting, I looked inside to see her, and asked him if he wanted to open the back, and he said no.  So sad, so sad, this one is tough.
Two workers came out to our car with a stretcher to take Zoey inside.  I went in with them and went into the room with her and stayed there.  It took the Doctor at least a half hour to come in, but this gave me the opportunity to be with her longer.  
I prayed with her, called in God, Jesus, Mary, Archangels, Ascended Masters, my guides, etc. and asked for them to watch over her in her passing, and I told her to go to the light.  I told her it would be okay, she would be free of pain, and would be so very happy.  Of course I was petting her the entire time, sitting right next to her face.  She was a beautiful dog, a light haired Retriever.  She was so happy and playful, but demanded attention.  

After the Doctor came in and left, I cried, and stayed with her for awhile.  I did not watch when the Doctor did what he had to, I was focused on Zoey, petting her, loving her, telling her how much I loved her, how much we loved her.  It was hard to say goodbye and leave, but after about ten minutes I got the strength to be able to.  I got in my car and drove back to the house, and to my surprise my brother had already taken the crate down, and was vacuuming.  I told him I would mop, and he left to go to the Bar down the street where he knows everyone.  It was pretty sad being in the house without her, every time I walked into my room I was looking for her.  

It's so crazy to me how life can change drastically in one moment, one moment she was here, and bam, then she was gone.  We weren't prepared, she seemed fine, happy and strong, never did I think she would pass while I was staying at my brothers home.  
It shows you how important it is to appreciate all around you, everyone, and how we need each other here.  We comfort each other in pain, so not to have to do alone.  We have one another to laugh with, so not to have to laugh alone.  Life is meant to share, I hope you will get out and share yours with your loved ones as well.