Woke up pretty tired and achy today, exhausted like I am not connected to source energy at all. I realize my low thyroid could be part of the problem, as I haven't had my medication for well over six months. I stopped because I do not enjoy taking any type of medication, and could not bear to go back to that Clinic. The Clinic was so depressing, I don't know how I did it for years. What a way to feel low and down, with all the people around you sad and sick. I would be there for three hours each time I went, and the pain and suffering of others was so depressing to me. Sitting for hours, in such a sad space, is so draining and depressing, it would leave me sad all day. That stuff sits with you somehow, and stays with you, the sadness, and how some of the workers treat you and don't even care. The entire atmosphere is depressing, dark, not a place I ever want to go back to!
There are other ways I can treat my thyroid, which I will do as soon as the funds come in. Edgar Cayce makes a formula for your thyroid, and I have information about a liquid mineral to buy that should help as well. I am very low in minerals, especially magnesium, potassium, and selenium.
But, I still put some more stuff away, wanting to get rid of every box in the house! I am so tired of seeing boxes. I probably have too many small knicknacks, angels, and pictures in frames, but I even gave many away. But, each time I grabbed a new item from the box which was wrapped in paper, it was like receiving a new gift, wondering what it was! More crystals, more angels, candle holders, and frames, so much fun. Now the Bedroom looks so different with all of my lovely things sitting new on the two dressers I have.
Last night, before going to bed, I decided to take out some art and draw! It felt awesome to sit on my own carpet and be creative, I didn't want to stop! The sun and flowers were created on paper, and it was fun! I drew in chalk big purple flowers, near a large yellow sun. I started using colored chalk awhile ago, because you see instant results on paper, and it gave me great pleasure to be able to create a piece of artwork very fast! It is so much fun, takes me out of the life here, this reality, and brings me to a totally different place. One of love, creativity, being in the moment, relaxing, and enjoying myself. No worries about being in pain, physical or emotional, no worries about money, about no one helping me, etc. Just nice and Zen.
I was upset again today, crying in pain, and crying about my friends not being there for me. Yes, it still upsets me, especially when I feel so much pain in my body, I realize I do not have the support I need and want from others now. So, that means to look at my loved ones again, and see if I am giving too much energy to them and not receiving enough. Well, like I said, I do not have many people in my life who seem to care about supporting me here, and being there for me when I need it. And, that means to be with my physically, not only on the phone which is so easy to do, but to be with me, near me, next to me when I need it. Those people seem to be far and few between. And, when I realize I am always the one calling my friends, and I stop, the calls barely come in. I am tired of reaching out to everyone, being there for them, for years, and it not being reciprocated. When I look at their lives, I do see how intense their own lives are, busy, and how stressed they are, so I get it. But, moving is a major deal, there could never be enough people, and it has always just been my kids and my one brother helping me out. No one helping me pack up the large four bedroom home I was just in, no one helping me unpack here, pretty sad if you ask me. Guess it's a wake up call, like I said, to re evaluate who I give my energy to, and make a call to the Universe to send me friends who want to be there for me, and can be there for me and support me.
My daughters even stayed away this time, never giving me a reason why. Yes, it was hurtful, but I realize how much they are going through with their Dad right now, so I understand and try not to take it personal. I will still ask them what happened, why they did not want to help. Moving brings up so many memories, it is physically and emotionally challenging and intense, so I understand. But, at the same time, they stayed home the day of the Super Bowl alone, didn't invite me over, nor did they offer to help me unpack.
They didn't even ask If I needed help, I still have so much to do, alone. No support. Yes, things like that do hurt. They weren't very excited for me to finally have my own place, after my journey to get here, as I was excited for them. I have seen a big change in them the last few weeks, very pulled back, especially my oldest. She is going through a lot, and can't even talk to her about it because she doesn't want my help. It's really sad because I see her getting further and further away, and may never come back. She has changed into a totally different person, less compassionate, less caring, more distant. Even when you are with her she is not in the moment, she's worried about her phone, or upstairs in her room when I would visit.
Do I see what is going on here? My life is changing drastically due to this new move, and I am pushing the people out of my life that do not serve me. The people I feel are draining me, and I am giving too much energy to, and it not being reciprocated. I am sad, hurt, and upset, but I know I will get through this once in for all, and shine my light so bright, as I tell others to do! And I have a feeling it will be very soon, and then I can stop caring for children as I do, because I am becoming drained again giving to others as I have no more to give, I need to give it to myself first! Yes, I love my children dearly, but yes, I am hurt by them now. I even invited the girls over for homemade soup yesterday that I made, and they did not even answer my text! So, wake up call! No more reaching out to them, wait for them to reach out. And maybe, pull away somewhat and not always be there for them.
I am going to take a bathe now, and get to the store to buy some huge plants I saw for only $12!! I bought one and it transformed my apartment already, and I realize they are my friends, and I need them! Then, I will have to get to work. It was awesome to have a day off yesterday, I am already realizing being here, I have so much more to give, so much more to do for the entire world, and totally cutting myself short settling with Nanny work! Both of my bosses work from home, while I take care of their children, and now, I need to be the one sitting at my computer at home, and bringing in mucho financial abundance through my writing!
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