I went to see my family last night for my Birthday! They had me over for my Birthday, and it was so awesome to see them, boy, did they fill my heart with so much love and joy, which I really needed now. This is the family I use to care for, but there are four wonderful, loving children, both of their mothers, and I even was close to the grand parents, who were even there! It was so nice, so filling, I am so Blessed to have them in my life. Now that I started working back in the same town, I miss them even more! The children all made hand made cards for me, and the two oldest girls made me a nice, long, special card with rainbows, and "I love you's"! Feeling so loved! Wow, I realized I do feel disconnected from my daughters more and more each day, and they have just filled this void. Another family to love and support me, that are there for me, as long as I stay open to them, and connected, they are there! Thank you Universe for sending them into my life, I am so loved by those children, my heart is now full with that void, making me realize there was a void there in the first place. I did not realize how I was feeling, until my heart was filled with their love.
I have left the rest of my things to unpack, too drained to even look at the bins in my bedroom now. I need a queen mattress, as I had to throw my old one out, which was the one I bought for Cassie over ten years ago. Because I do not have the funds now to buy a new mattress, I am sleeping on a twin on top of the queen size box spring. I am grateful to even have that mattress now, but it will be nice when I can put my bed together, you know how us women love our beds! And, my daughters bought me a new comforter for Christmas and I have not had the opportunity to use it yet. It will be a nice gift, to be laying in my new bed with a new mattress, and bedding set. Boy, the things I am grateful for now are so different. My life has changed drastically, along with my emotions. What a way to recharge and restart your life, by totally pulling the plug on the other one by moving, and going elsewhere to set up and recharge. I do not like moving at all, my dream is to buy a home on the water, and stay there forever. I will have other homes in other places, but to have one home base near my children to enjoy my grandchildren in, will be beautiful.I now feel ready to receive a man. Someone who is like me, and has my belief system in the Spiritual world. He will probably be a healer. I was watching my holistic channel and a woman was on explaining fung shui. She explained how the bedroom should be set up with everything in pairs, pairs, romance, nothing alone. She paired up two red candles, along with two pink heart crystals on the woman's dresser. So, I went into my bedroom and made pairs of my crystals, and my Angels. Let's see if it helps. And, being open to receive, open to receive the love that everyone is giving me now. I feel that love so much, and when I feel it in my heart tears run down my heart, because I have feelings of not deserving the love coming to me. I am now aware of what is happening, so I can allow myself to embrace it, but there were times for years I had no idea how to help heal myself. I also will do some inner child work, using Teal Swan's Video, "Healing the Emotional Body", where she explains how all of our sadness stems from our childhood, and we can to go back to the source of where those painful feelings are arising from, to finally integrate them, and then they float away on their own. All by comforting you inner child, that was so hurt in childhood.
Sometimes it just seems like so much work, all of it. Then I realize, what else is there than to get healthy so I can enjoy the rest of my time here and create the future that I want? Then, I know it is all worth it.
I wish you love and blessings always, and hope we all find peace on this earth!
Namaste all Day!
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