My Kirtan Experience

Wow, I woke up so bummed, I barely wanted to get out of bed.  I have been feeling so alone, so without my family that I created, crying over it for days, and today was no different.  I woke up crying, this time wanting my family back.  The only family I created here on this earth, my three children, my ex, and his little girl who's spirit I already know.  I ask myself why I would ever give up what I could have had, to end up here, like this, alone, in this small space.  I cry on and off.  
Then, as I sat down, I remembered I had plans today.  Plans to attend a grand opening to a new healing center in Montclair, run by a Shaman.  There was going to be music, lots of music with drums and rattles, for healing and Shamantic Journey's and a Kirtan.  As I started out around 1:00, I approached snow the closer I got.  I kept telling myself to turn around, but never did.  I had to drive pretty slow due to the snow, and normally would never go out in this weather, but I told myself I would not stay long.
When I arrived, the owner was very nice and friendly.  I was cleansed with sage, and I already felt better, calmer, more relaxed and centered.  The day was delightful, the music was exhilarating, and so uplifting.  I had so much fun, it was beautiful.  I sang just about the entire time, and even got up and danced.  We had a really nice time, and I met a new friend.  An Irish young woman, a Leprechaun I am sure!  She reached out to me, and we sat next to each other most of the day.  
We did a Shamanic Journey, and I had visions of having to choose between my ex and my children, who were on my right, or Teal and my soul family.  Teal was pulling me to come with her, and as I looked at my family they were not pulling me.  They were there, content without me.  It was probably not what I wanted to see, as I still feel so attached to my children and ex, and so wish we were still all together.  Some days it hurts so much I cry and feel I can't even move ahead.  How can I when I want what I had back?  

Anyway, I stayed for hours, but left before it got dark due to the snow.  But when I left it was already too late, the snow was everywhere, and I do not like to drive in the snow.  So, I took a deep breath, relaxed and took my time home.  I had to get on the Parkway, and that was not safe.  There was snow everywhere, cars everywhere, and you could not see the lines in the street.  But, I stayed calm and finally arrive home safe.  A man slid in front of my on the highway, and I was glad I was far away from him and could slow down.

Love and Light ~