Feeling Very Alone, Like I Ran Away From My Family!

This is terrible, horrible, all day I am feeling as if I lost my family, the same feelings I had when my ex and I broke up, and I was left days without my children, without my family I yearned for my entire life.  I wanted children when I was 18 years old, and didn't have them until 31 years old!  And then, when we broke up, my family fell apart, and I lost them.  So I cried a lot today, on and off, and am trying to find the root of my feelings, Upset, set up.  The Universe is setting me up to fill in that space with love, to find that hole that is there, that needs to be loved.  That hole from childhood, and this one is harder to find for me.  I feel I have no family, it is gone, and I gave it away.  It was my choice to cut it open, tear it apart, and keep it apart, my family, the one I will only ever have.  How as a child did I feel I had no family?  I do remember sleeping out all the time, as soon as I was old enough to, I suppose wanting to stay out of my home, not feeling safe.  I do remember having my Baby Shower there, and wanting to vomit when I saw everyone in my home, the home I did not like at all.
Such a roller coaster ride I have been on, some days I feel so great, and others I do not!  How do we go from feeling so low, to so high in the matter of a day??  Boy, I wish I had all the answers.  I have been searching since I have been in seventh grade, but lost my way searching because there was no one I could find that could teach me what I wanted to know, then I forgot.  

Forgot to trust in God and the Universe, forgot to have total faith that it would all be okay.  I even had this type of faith when I was married and my children were young, that everything would be okay.  My ex even use to tell me when we first met and I would be upset about something, "Don't worry, everything will be okay".  And that comforted me so much.  It's so crazy to have a bond that close with someone you loved so much and had so many lifetimes with, to have no contact with them at all.  He was such a jerk that he blocked my phone number a few years after we divorced and it was really sad that we couldn't be able to communicate for the children's sake.  He is so sick and unhealthy now that it is terribly sad, and breaking my children's heart.  He has a two year old daughter that he needs to be there for, because the mother is not.  That is another story that I do not want to get into now, all I can do is pray for them and bless them with the white light any time I can.  

Blessings to all!!