My one daughter was busy, so I phoned my other daughter to see what she was doing. She was busy running errands, but did not want my company. I wish she could talk to me if she is hurt over things I have done in the past. I realized there are so many things I feel I have done that hurt my children so much, I can't even forgive myself. This is a tough one, I cry for their forgiveness and send them the light of the sun into their hearts. Especially my oldest daughter, we have argued so much in the past and it is a challenge to forgive myself. And, to find out it was all about my own pain, and I was the one being angry from within, makes it even worse.
I feel so low now, I don't even know what to do next. Since it's Saturday, I decided to take a ride home to see my brother and his wife. I know now that when I am this low, I can not stay in all day, it is not healthy for me. So I went out around 4:00, after I did lots of computer work. I made some stops along the way, and even got a new car key I needed for only $35. Wow, a dealer would have charged me around $150. That was a major synchronicity, I lost my keys a few weeks ago, and the only key I had was broken and did not even lock the doors. I was waiting for the funds to get a new one, but when I stopped for windshield wipers for my car, the gentleman told me where to go for a new key. And, boy, he was so helpful, what a great price! I immediately thanked the Universe, and realized how I manifested that. It just all fell into place. Thank you, Amen!
I didn't phone my brother, but when I got to his house, he was home, and his wife and him were ready to run to the store. When I walked in and saw my sister in law, I broke down crying, telling her how lonely I was feeling. She hugged me for awhile, and told me to come with them to the store. So, off went. I am so glad I went to see them, being with them comforted me and helped to take my mind off of my loneliness.
We had some tea when we got back, and we talked about all the exciting things happening in our life now. Like my nieces wedding this year! And my daughters new boyfriend! And we spoke about my children's little sister and I showed them videos of her too. Being with them totally helped not feeling so alone. But, when you get back home, and no one is in it to greet you, and no one is coming home for dinner, its tough. I just can't understand why I would ever choose this life, of aloneness, than the life with my husband and the three wonderful, beautiful miracles we created! I need my energy to shift, I want to be happy and enjoy my life, I just don't understand why I haven't been able to.
Love, love yourself, love each other with unconditional love and presence. <3 <3 <3
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