Going to do Kambo Today

Oh boy, going to do Kambo soon.  I am getting a little nervous now, as it is getting closer.  Speaking with my girlfriend who just went through it yesterday, she really helped prepare me.  I did not know you were suppose to set an intention, so of course my intention is to heal my neck and body pain.  The other intention is to help me with this feeling of loneliness, despair and not wanting to be alone.  And yet another is to help me forgive myself for all the wrong I feel I have done with my children and my ex in my divorce.  I also hope they can forgive me as well, because my daughter is really hurt by me and has pulled very far away and it breaks my heart.
                                  
                                                      

My heart is breaking every day being alone, all alone, living alone.  It's like there is no reason to live with out one person in your life you can say good morning and good night too.  The past few days have been so bad for me since the weekend, I couldn't even write.  I also ran out of my holy basil, which helps me when I am in a crying fit like this.  Its sad, it's bad, and I don't know how people get out of this.  I can see why they just go to their job and ignore the rest when we feel so alone and so disconnected.  
                                                   

I hope this feeling disappears when I am done with this process.  After the medicine is put in you, you purge.  I am not so worried about purging because I have been doing it my entire life, but the medicine going through you seems to affect you a great deal.  When my soul family did this, they were lying outside under a tree with support from someone.  I will be inside, with support from one Shaman for ten people, I hope she can hold space for all of us in the proper way, I should just assume she can.

Okay, I am going to get ready and take a hot bath, then off I go!

I am asking all of my guides to walk with me today, better yet, carry me!  God, Holy Mary, Jesus, Budhha, Teal Swan!! Unicorn, Wolfie, Archangel Michael and Gabriel, all the Angels and Saints, the Goddesses too!  Everyone who can help me, please come with me, I am scared and so sad here on this earth.  I can not live this way each day, it has been way too long I have felt this way, even when I was married and he gave me love, it was hard for me to receive and feel worthy of.  This has to get better for me soon! I am so thankful for having this Kambo experience today! I will write about it soon!  
                                                    

Namaste