Now, I have so many dreams I want to do, and have for months, but am still here, not accomplishing those dreams yet. Yes, I have put out to God and the Universe to what I want. Now, being here alone, I realize the most important thing I am missing in my life now, is a companion, a best friend, someone to be with every day, go to bed with, and wake up with. I loved being married, I loved staying home and caring for the home, the children, my husband, I am such a homie! Being raised in a large family helped to comfort me. Gatherings were always large, with so many people around, and I loved that about my family once I grew up as we shared holidays and birthdays together. The love, all the love from a family, unconditional, innate love! My family was such a support to me even when I was married, knowing they were there to help comforted me.
Now, my family, my brothers, are all very different now. We are not as close as we all use to be when we were all married. My three brothers and I got divorced years ago and that changed everything. No more seeing my sister in laws that I loved, no more parties in the gorgeous yard my brother had with a pool, waterfall and jacuzzi. All of those memories gone, gone in the dust. Gone too, of the memories of my family along with my ex husband and children gone. Letting go has been hard for me, but it has been a lesson for me my entire life. I want to hold onto what I had, the love, the connection from my loved ones, I do not want to let them go. Letting go of them makes me feel as if I have nothing, nothing left to hold onto. No one to hug me, no one to ask me how my day was and say good morning too, no one to even go shopping with, yes I am lonely. Truly lonely and some days I don't even know what to do, except leave the house and change my perspective. Leave the house and drive to my home town in Central Jersey and see my family, my brothers and sister in laws. But seeing everyone still isn't enough, it's just not enough. How can there be enough love around you if you live alone? How do you wake up alone every single day just for you, just to get up and go, to go where? To a job you are just doing to make money to pay for an apartment you don't even like? That is what I am doing now.
Yes, I am working on manifesting what I want, creating my life as I want to live it, and have a beautiful home on the water with a wonderful man filled with kids, family, and friends. But for now, I am here, here in tears again, crying over being alone. Feeling lonely with no one in my space, missing my daughters so much at times it's hard to bear. Yes, I am still feeling low much of the time, and have to figure out how to raise my energy and vibration each day.
I am grateful I have ventured out the last few weeks and have found some type of community to belong too. It is a start, and I am creating a support group for young teens and adults that I want to get into some healing centers and yoga centers. This idea came to me when I went to a new healing center, Pandora Healing, and enjoyed a sound healing meditation. Sound healing is obviously sound, beautiful crystal bowls, and gongs, etc. I thought it would be a great idea to have the young ones enjoy this type of healing because it seems easier than to learn to meditate. When we start to meditate it seems hard to stop our thoughts, but when we are listening to music, all we have to do is let go and listen. To sit and relax, release and let go, and hear the beautiful notes in the music that is so healing.
I have always wanted to open some type of healing center especially for the children, so I thought of a support group for them, ending with the sound healing. I am going to talk to the owner in the next few days to see if this resonates with him and do it. It is already done, as I feel it, and that is exciting for sure.
Anyway, I have decided to start putting my blog out there and posting it on face book soon, which is a huge step for me, and frightening I don't even know why! It's like I have to take that step and jump, so I can spread my wings and soar, finally!! I have many old blogs that I did not post yet, so once I get caught up, here I go!
I hope each of us suffers less each day, I wish everyone can bathe and feel the love and light each day!
Namaste, Love and Light sent your way! <3
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