Namaste
It's been pretty tough, I have been so sad I can't even write. Too many changes, too much chaos and confusion I feel. I do not like being here or anywhere. Anywhere meaning in no one else's space, I just want my own, my own stuff, my own space. What a way to feel like shit, just move in with someone else, having none of your things around, feeling so alone without your family.
Yes, my emotions have calmed down, instead of crying all day, I have periods of tears throughout the day. I am still so very sad, so hurt, so upset so not settled. I am worrying now about everything, money, a job, what to do next for work.
I was lucky to spend two days with my daughters, I went with my one daughter to NYC to see a Doctor the other day, and the day after spent time with my other daughter. It helps to leave here and be there with them, but when I see them with their attitude, I want to leave and be alone.
See how confusing this is getting? Wanting to be with them and see them, and then not wanting to be around the attitudes any more. I want peace, peace and love, is that too much to ask? I want a home that I love, with my things in it. I want loved ones around, whoever they are, but I want them around. I want to cook for them, laugh with them, and hibernate with them this winter with a fireplace in the snow.
So, if I know I can manifest what I want, why do I not want it? I have wanted my own home for years. I have wanted a man in my life, a man that loves me for the rest of time. If that man is my ex, and I am here now to take care of him and his young daughter, so be it, I am up for the challenge. I will always have a loving connection to him, he was my first love, falling in love at 17 years old, being with him for about 30 years. Through all the pain and hurt we caused one another, I have changed my heart to love, love for him, love to him, knowing we made a commitment here on earth to help one another along the way. Contracts we make with others before we come down here, all to help one another growth. He was my biggest teacher, and I still did not learn from him what I should have. That is why I get it from my children. Mirrors they are to my own pain, so hard to see and deal with at times though.
So, I know what I want, now I need the Universe to send it to me. I do not have to know the "how", I just need know what I want and put it out there. How easy that sounds when you put your trust in the Universe, and you know how the Universe works. It works for us, with us, and sends us people to help us along the way. Just because it loves us, and wants to see our growth and expansion, which in turn causes it's own growth and expansion. What a wonderful way for it to work, with us, for us, on our side, like the biggest cheerleader we have! Source energy, connection, the Universe, all us, all one, all here to help us along this journey to loving ourselves totally!
When I am so sad and low like I have been, I forget about this. I forget about this stuff, I get so stuck in a bad place, crying, worrying, it is hard to get out. It is hard to remember and return to love, just wanting support from someone, anyone.
This is my tenth day here, and I am calmer. My head is not spinning as much, I feel more focused on what I need to do now, settling in. My clothes, and stuff were everywhere, and it took all week to condense it all to what I need currently. With no space but a bedroom, you are very limited in what you have near you. I brought my crystals, candles, and some bamboo with me, and at night I light my candles and pray and meditate, which seems to help with my energy. My energy was so high, and became very depleted over this move. I wish my energy was as high as it is when I get back from a Workshop from Teal Swan, and I am working on bringing that energy up again.
People wear you down, complaining, negative, unhappy people. It is hard to stay happy and positive in this world, that is why my home is my sanctuary, away from it all, in my own space where I can create and be. I can be without judgments in where I go or what I do.
I am still scared and worried about how income will flow, but have asked the Universe to send me work, work I want to do, work I am here to do, and becoming financially abundant doing that. This is not a good place to be, in the state of rear and worry, because it is such a low vibration. It is sad, I am sad, tomorrow is another day.
Monday, December 22, 2014
Breaking Down
Namaste
Having a really bad day today, so bad I can barely even write, crying so much. Woke up to the dark rain, so that surely doesn't help my mood. I am so sad, sad I have no home, no things of mine around to comfort me, no kids around to talk to, I miss them so much! My feelings are so low today I don't even know what to do, how I am going to get through this at all!!
I do not know how I am going to get through this day, let alone day after day. I feel lost, alone, confused, like I have nothing or no one. What a terrible feeling. I am wondering how I did this to myself and why. Why I would manifest this for even a week? This is a terrible, awful place to be, a terrible thing to manifest now in my life when I thought I was okay. Better than okay, I thought I was so ready to shine my light, to publish these books, to manifest all the money I need to have what I want. And look at me now, today, here. It is so awful, I don't even know what to do.
Thank the Universe for my sister in laws phone call. We spoke awhile, I haven't heard from her since I moved out. She is always very comforting, but we still have grown apart, which has been natural for me now. I have grown apart from many people, walking down a different path, and that's okay. The Universe has sent me like minded souls, my soul family for sure. But, even with them, there are the ones that have attitude and give me a hard time.
I am trying to just get through the day today. Alive, without crying hysterical all day.
I took a bath, forced myself to because I am in so much pain. The water always makes me cried so I cried more.
I forced myself to heat up some soup for dinner, and went straight to my room after. I spoke to my daughters to help cheer me up, we made plans for the week, and that is comforting.
Then, out of the blue, I got a call from my best soul sister ever, Irina! We haven't spoken in weeks, she is so busy and has no time to talk. We keep in touch on face book, which is a blessing, even though I don't get on it daily. She totally cheered me up, telling me not to be so hard on myself, and that she loves me! She is going to California soon to do some Kambo we were turned onto from Teal Swan. I am so excited for her, as this ceremony is very deep, sacred, and life transforming, only for the Warriors indeed.
We also spoke about me going to Miami, and her opinion on maybe seeing Teal for a private instead. It's funny, because I had thought of this myself as well. I would love to visit Teal and have a private session with her, more than anything right now, I know it would be the best thing for my growth and understanding of myself. Manifest, I just have to manifest it. Wow, when you are so low, so lost, you do not realize you have the power to create anything, because why would you create this hell? So you feel more powerless, what a vicious cycle! Oh my, I have to get out of this!
Help!
Having a really bad day today, so bad I can barely even write, crying so much. Woke up to the dark rain, so that surely doesn't help my mood. I am so sad, sad I have no home, no things of mine around to comfort me, no kids around to talk to, I miss them so much! My feelings are so low today I don't even know what to do, how I am going to get through this at all!!
I do not know how I am going to get through this day, let alone day after day. I feel lost, alone, confused, like I have nothing or no one. What a terrible feeling. I am wondering how I did this to myself and why. Why I would manifest this for even a week? This is a terrible, awful place to be, a terrible thing to manifest now in my life when I thought I was okay. Better than okay, I thought I was so ready to shine my light, to publish these books, to manifest all the money I need to have what I want. And look at me now, today, here. It is so awful, I don't even know what to do.
Thank the Universe for my sister in laws phone call. We spoke awhile, I haven't heard from her since I moved out. She is always very comforting, but we still have grown apart, which has been natural for me now. I have grown apart from many people, walking down a different path, and that's okay. The Universe has sent me like minded souls, my soul family for sure. But, even with them, there are the ones that have attitude and give me a hard time.
I am trying to just get through the day today. Alive, without crying hysterical all day.
I took a bath, forced myself to because I am in so much pain. The water always makes me cried so I cried more.
I forced myself to heat up some soup for dinner, and went straight to my room after. I spoke to my daughters to help cheer me up, we made plans for the week, and that is comforting.
Then, out of the blue, I got a call from my best soul sister ever, Irina! We haven't spoken in weeks, she is so busy and has no time to talk. We keep in touch on face book, which is a blessing, even though I don't get on it daily. She totally cheered me up, telling me not to be so hard on myself, and that she loves me! She is going to California soon to do some Kambo we were turned onto from Teal Swan. I am so excited for her, as this ceremony is very deep, sacred, and life transforming, only for the Warriors indeed.
We also spoke about me going to Miami, and her opinion on maybe seeing Teal for a private instead. It's funny, because I had thought of this myself as well. I would love to visit Teal and have a private session with her, more than anything right now, I know it would be the best thing for my growth and understanding of myself. Manifest, I just have to manifest it. Wow, when you are so low, so lost, you do not realize you have the power to create anything, because why would you create this hell? So you feel more powerless, what a vicious cycle! Oh my, I have to get out of this!
Help!
Third Day at My Brothers House ~ Saturday
It is Saturday, and it is so nice to wake up and hear someone's voice. I am glad my brother's son is here, even though we haven't been close, it is nice to be around him and my brother. I stayed in my room all morning, just made some tea, showered, and getting dressed. I woke up again today so tired, so exhausted, my body and mind. I feel so drained, so tired, but my pain has calmed down somewhat from yesterday. I am always in so much pain, and I truly want to get to the answer to it, why I have had to suffer in pain pretty much my entire life.
I am not as sad and depressed as I was yesterday, I can not figure it all out in a day. I am going to head up North to spend the day with my daughters, because they are staying in all day so the dogs can get use to their new place, so I can visit them, and hang out with them. I still have some things of mine in my old house, in the garage, and have to go back there one more time today. I actually dread it, having no desire to go back there and be sad, sad my life there is gone and over, stepping into this new life I do not want, and feel so lost in.
What a way to test yourself, test your strength and courage, to just change your life drastically without your own home to live in. I don't think I would have enjoyed living alone right away anyway, I see that now. I am glad the house I was going to rent fell through, although I do not want to be here, I would rather be here with a family member I love, even if we aren't close, than to be living alone and waking up alone every day. My brother made it perfectly clear he only wants me here for a few weeks, so I will have to make other plans soon. I currently do not have any job nor income coming in. Although I am divorced, my alimony ended after ten years, even though I qualified for lifetime alimony. Oh well, I am over that, knowing all things happen for a reason.
I know what I want to do here while I have time left on this earth, but I just don't know how to accomplish it all, and put it out there to become financially abundant.
I love to write and have written a few children's books that need to be illustrated and published. I am currently writing an adult book as well, my spiritual life journey to self love, and would love to find a publisher for that as well. I also am certified for Reiki and want to do energy work for others, and read Angel Cards for them, along with turning them onto the crystals and essential oils I love. All of this is so healing, and I want to help heal and empower others to have the life they want to have. I also want to teach children's yoga again, I am certified, I just need to find a place to teach at. I also just took a new class by Donna Eden, who created some exercises for energy healing your own body, and would love to teach this anywhere, especially to the Senior Citizens. So, when it comes to loves I totally have, it is just asking the Universe to send me clients so I can use my gifts to help teach others to heal themselves.
I always use to ask how I am suppose to get all of this out there and find clients, but now I know to ask the Universe to send them to me, so I will. I am asking the Universe to send me clients who need this type of healing, and places where I can teach children's yoga, energy work, and all of the other modalities I know. I am asking the Universe to show me how to get my books finished, and published so I can start getting them out there to the children, to help empower them teaching them how bright they are and how they can do whatever they want here on earth!
But for now, I am going to take a ride up North, get the rest of my things, and visit my children on this beautiful Saturday! The sun is out, it is not a bad day, not at all as dark as yesterday.
Namaste, all have a blessed day!
I am not as sad and depressed as I was yesterday, I can not figure it all out in a day. I am going to head up North to spend the day with my daughters, because they are staying in all day so the dogs can get use to their new place, so I can visit them, and hang out with them. I still have some things of mine in my old house, in the garage, and have to go back there one more time today. I actually dread it, having no desire to go back there and be sad, sad my life there is gone and over, stepping into this new life I do not want, and feel so lost in.
What a way to test yourself, test your strength and courage, to just change your life drastically without your own home to live in. I don't think I would have enjoyed living alone right away anyway, I see that now. I am glad the house I was going to rent fell through, although I do not want to be here, I would rather be here with a family member I love, even if we aren't close, than to be living alone and waking up alone every day. My brother made it perfectly clear he only wants me here for a few weeks, so I will have to make other plans soon. I currently do not have any job nor income coming in. Although I am divorced, my alimony ended after ten years, even though I qualified for lifetime alimony. Oh well, I am over that, knowing all things happen for a reason.
I know what I want to do here while I have time left on this earth, but I just don't know how to accomplish it all, and put it out there to become financially abundant.
I love to write and have written a few children's books that need to be illustrated and published. I am currently writing an adult book as well, my spiritual life journey to self love, and would love to find a publisher for that as well. I also am certified for Reiki and want to do energy work for others, and read Angel Cards for them, along with turning them onto the crystals and essential oils I love. All of this is so healing, and I want to help heal and empower others to have the life they want to have. I also want to teach children's yoga again, I am certified, I just need to find a place to teach at. I also just took a new class by Donna Eden, who created some exercises for energy healing your own body, and would love to teach this anywhere, especially to the Senior Citizens. So, when it comes to loves I totally have, it is just asking the Universe to send me clients so I can use my gifts to help teach others to heal themselves.
I always use to ask how I am suppose to get all of this out there and find clients, but now I know to ask the Universe to send them to me, so I will. I am asking the Universe to send me clients who need this type of healing, and places where I can teach children's yoga, energy work, and all of the other modalities I know. I am asking the Universe to show me how to get my books finished, and published so I can start getting them out there to the children, to help empower them teaching them how bright they are and how they can do whatever they want here on earth!
But for now, I am going to take a ride up North, get the rest of my things, and visit my children on this beautiful Saturday! The sun is out, it is not a bad day, not at all as dark as yesterday.
Namaste, all have a blessed day!
Stayed in all day Exhausted
Namaste
I stayed in all day and rested today, not even having the energy to go through some more bins and unpack. My body aches so much, especially my upper back, in between my shoulder blades, it feels almost as if it was burned by fire and the pain will not go away and is excruciating. I decided to take a bath, and just looking at the water in the tub made me cry! When I am sad, tears always are released when I bathe or shower, it's totally crazy. And today was no different, releasing so many tears, pain and sadness in that water! After the bath I decided to lay down, which was so needed. I got up after about an hour and my pain did calm down a bit. The spasms are so bad they feel like I was burnt by a fire, and like knives are being dug into my skin!
When I awoke, I decided to go to the food store for some food, so I can make dinner for my brother and his son, which he has every weekend. It was actually really nice, my brother never cooks, he just doesn't like to and feels he is not very good at it. He just told me he has to change his diet totally, after going to a Doctor for his stomach issues, she said no more Gluten! He seemed overwhelmed, not knowing what to eat now, and I assured him he was in good hands, because that is the way I eat, sugar and gluten free!
We had a nice dinner together, I made sweet potatoes and asparagus, and they ate steak with it, and I surely did not! My brother appreciated it and offered to give me money for the food store, which I rejected feeling I should contribute somehow at least.
After dinner, I cleaned up, called my daughter, and went to my room around 8:00 to rest. Which I surely did, I lit all the candles I have, and got under the covers and it felt great. I laid in bed a few hours, my body suffering in pain. I spoke to my body and pain, and asked what can I do to make it feel better, and what does it want to tell me? I envisioned some attachments in my neck and upper back, and worked on pulling those cords out, filling them with light, and burning those cords! We can have attachments to people, they can even attach to us, which would wear us down and could cause pain. I laid in bed a few hours not totally asleep, but more as if I was meditating, coming in and out of consciousness, until 12:00. Then, I got up and blew the candles out and went to bed for the night.
It was a really difficult day, one of the hardest yet. Going to a new food store was sad, it brought tears to my eyes knowing I am not home anymore, knowing I have no home and feel so lost. The food store was way too huge, not knowing where everything was took way too long to get through.
My tears today were ones of feeling lost, not knowing where I even want to be. Not even knowing what job I will create to become financially abundant. Being here in my brothers home makes me realize so much what I want. A home of my own, one I love and am proud of and can pour my spirit into. I don't think I want to live alone though, I would love a room mate, someone to live with me that I love to be around.
I am not in the state today to realize I can create my future and manifest what I want. I am in a serious state of loneliness, sadness, feeling I have nothing and no one. It makes you feel so lost leaving the home you have been in for four years, and living with someone else. I have moved an hour away from where my children are now and where I raised them, I have come back to the area I grew up in. I have more of a support system here, family I love and can go visit and bond with. Up North near my children, I have really no friends and family. I lost touch with my children's friends parents a long time ago, and my friends were my sister in laws. and since I have been divorced we no longer are in touch. At least here I have people to visit at night if I don't want to be alone, at least five different people to see, and that is a lot for me! I was going to visit someone tonight, but got done with dinner too late, and was so content with just getting in bed and nourishing my body.
So, peace out for now, hoping this gets better!
Love and Light
I stayed in all day and rested today, not even having the energy to go through some more bins and unpack. My body aches so much, especially my upper back, in between my shoulder blades, it feels almost as if it was burned by fire and the pain will not go away and is excruciating. I decided to take a bath, and just looking at the water in the tub made me cry! When I am sad, tears always are released when I bathe or shower, it's totally crazy. And today was no different, releasing so many tears, pain and sadness in that water! After the bath I decided to lay down, which was so needed. I got up after about an hour and my pain did calm down a bit. The spasms are so bad they feel like I was burnt by a fire, and like knives are being dug into my skin!
When I awoke, I decided to go to the food store for some food, so I can make dinner for my brother and his son, which he has every weekend. It was actually really nice, my brother never cooks, he just doesn't like to and feels he is not very good at it. He just told me he has to change his diet totally, after going to a Doctor for his stomach issues, she said no more Gluten! He seemed overwhelmed, not knowing what to eat now, and I assured him he was in good hands, because that is the way I eat, sugar and gluten free!
We had a nice dinner together, I made sweet potatoes and asparagus, and they ate steak with it, and I surely did not! My brother appreciated it and offered to give me money for the food store, which I rejected feeling I should contribute somehow at least.
After dinner, I cleaned up, called my daughter, and went to my room around 8:00 to rest. Which I surely did, I lit all the candles I have, and got under the covers and it felt great. I laid in bed a few hours, my body suffering in pain. I spoke to my body and pain, and asked what can I do to make it feel better, and what does it want to tell me? I envisioned some attachments in my neck and upper back, and worked on pulling those cords out, filling them with light, and burning those cords! We can have attachments to people, they can even attach to us, which would wear us down and could cause pain. I laid in bed a few hours not totally asleep, but more as if I was meditating, coming in and out of consciousness, until 12:00. Then, I got up and blew the candles out and went to bed for the night.
It was a really difficult day, one of the hardest yet. Going to a new food store was sad, it brought tears to my eyes knowing I am not home anymore, knowing I have no home and feel so lost. The food store was way too huge, not knowing where everything was took way too long to get through.
My tears today were ones of feeling lost, not knowing where I even want to be. Not even knowing what job I will create to become financially abundant. Being here in my brothers home makes me realize so much what I want. A home of my own, one I love and am proud of and can pour my spirit into. I don't think I want to live alone though, I would love a room mate, someone to live with me that I love to be around.
I am not in the state today to realize I can create my future and manifest what I want. I am in a serious state of loneliness, sadness, feeling I have nothing and no one. It makes you feel so lost leaving the home you have been in for four years, and living with someone else. I have moved an hour away from where my children are now and where I raised them, I have come back to the area I grew up in. I have more of a support system here, family I love and can go visit and bond with. Up North near my children, I have really no friends and family. I lost touch with my children's friends parents a long time ago, and my friends were my sister in laws. and since I have been divorced we no longer are in touch. At least here I have people to visit at night if I don't want to be alone, at least five different people to see, and that is a lot for me! I was going to visit someone tonight, but got done with dinner too late, and was so content with just getting in bed and nourishing my body.
So, peace out for now, hoping this gets better!
Love and Light
Monday, December 15, 2014
Friday, First Day Here at my Brothers House
Blessings all!
I woke up to my awesome soul sisters text, Irina's, telling me she is thinking of me during his move. Wow, what a way to start my first day here, you have no idea how his truly touched my heart and comforts me. Her texts always tell me how much she loves me, how she is holding me in light, how much she cares. She is one of the most beautiful women I know, and am so blessed to be her soul sister. My little baby Irina, that is what she once was to me in a past life. We all have had many past lives together, and when you meet those that remember, it is a blessed thing. This is what is happening with my new soul family, thanks to my spiritual mentor, leader and friend, Teal Swan!
I texted and called my girls wanting to know how their first night was and being concerned with Jake, my daughters four year old lab mix. She said he was up all night, when my son and I left last night, he whined all night. He didn't sleep at all was scratching his nose so badly it was bleeding. Nervous he was, I felt so badly, I should have just slept there if we would have known.
I have plans to go back up north today because I had to leave some things in the garage, not being able to fit everything. But, I still have to unpack my entire car again, and I am exhausted. I woke up with the worse neck and back pain, in tears. I took a hot bath, and cried, cried about everything and why I am in so much pain. I did Reiki on my neck and asked my neck if it wanted to tell me anything. I asked it why it was in so much pain. Life, stress, that's all. So, I am suppose to accept this, and just be with it, the pain. Not to wish it away, but to see why it is there and accept it. This is a hard one for me, because I literally have been in this physical pain since College, and it has been bad on and off as well since then. I feel tattered, battered and torn, and just want to rest, rest my body.
I had to go out and unpack, which took hours and I still did not get finished. I have to decide what few things I can keep with me for the next few weeks, in the sense of clothes and personal belongings. It is not fun, and it's pretty sad, putting clothes in the draws was the saddest, I will never be able to see or hear my daughter every single morning saying, "I don't know what to wear Mom," and walk in my room to look for something!! Memories, sometimes I wish we could just wipe the slate clean, and not have them, they seem to hurt so much.
I did as much as I could today, putting the rest aside for another day. My goal was to clean and organize my things in the room so it looked neat. I finally got in the tub, along with my crystals and candle, and it was awesome, hot and relaxing. I release a lot in the water, and today was no different. So many tears of not being good enough, not a good enough mother, not being there enough emotionally for my children in the years. I cried, released, and it surely is a pain in the butt to go through this process daily. When will it all end? The pain? What is the point of it all if there is pain in our bodies, and our hearts always? Yes, it's been a tough couple of days emotionally and it shows, I know.
I arrived at my daughters place around 3:00, we had a lunch date with my son also. Since I had to go back up north to get the rest of my belongings, my daughter told me to stop by to see Jake so he was comforted by knowing we were still there for him. I was thrilled to be invited over so quickly, because my daughter was commenting how she didn't want to see me until Thanksgiving! Two weeks away, but I went along with it, wanting to give her all the space she needs at this time.
I brought a few more gifts for the girls, my aromatherapy diffuser, along with some essential oils for it. I also gave them some really cute tea light holders I just bought for myself as a gift for my new place. The tea lights came in a set of six, and I did not need all of them now, so I split the set in half, and brought them along with some tea light candles. I also had to bring them my new love, a nice piece of Selanite I just bought, but is too big for the room I am in. I have two other larger size crystals I bought recently, so I kept those, and wanted to leave the Selanite with the girls. They were gracious with the gifts I bought, and it was so sweet to hear my daughter offer to make a sandwich for me! And when she made coffee for us, I heard her say she will make it weak, "because Mom likes it that way!" wow, what a change from me being the Mother in my home, and me making the coffee strong for her, because that is the way she likes it! What a beautiful thing, wanting to care for others needs in your own home, so they are happy!
We sat on the couch and hung out, talked, and my son came with his cousin who I helped care for when she was young. It was a really nice time, and after sitting on the couch I realized how much pain I was in, and was getting really tired and decided to go upstairs and lay down. This also gave the kids time to talk and hang out alone. I did pass out a bit, and woke up my pain was calmer.
My son left with his cousin, and I stayed. My one daughters friend came over, so I hung out with my other daughter in her room, and we watched a show that we usually watch together on Thursday nights! It was so fun, like hanging out as friends.
I left late again, not until like 10:00, got in late with the dog barking, and I felt badly I woke my brother up due to that. I am exhausted again, and am going to bed. I didn't even get the chance to get the rest of my things, I was too tired to go after visiting my daughters. I decided to go back Saturday, my kids will be around all day because they want to stay in with the dogs being in a new home, so I can see them again!
Love and light!
I woke up to my awesome soul sisters text, Irina's, telling me she is thinking of me during his move. Wow, what a way to start my first day here, you have no idea how his truly touched my heart and comforts me. Her texts always tell me how much she loves me, how she is holding me in light, how much she cares. She is one of the most beautiful women I know, and am so blessed to be her soul sister. My little baby Irina, that is what she once was to me in a past life. We all have had many past lives together, and when you meet those that remember, it is a blessed thing. This is what is happening with my new soul family, thanks to my spiritual mentor, leader and friend, Teal Swan!
I texted and called my girls wanting to know how their first night was and being concerned with Jake, my daughters four year old lab mix. She said he was up all night, when my son and I left last night, he whined all night. He didn't sleep at all was scratching his nose so badly it was bleeding. Nervous he was, I felt so badly, I should have just slept there if we would have known.
I have plans to go back up north today because I had to leave some things in the garage, not being able to fit everything. But, I still have to unpack my entire car again, and I am exhausted. I woke up with the worse neck and back pain, in tears. I took a hot bath, and cried, cried about everything and why I am in so much pain. I did Reiki on my neck and asked my neck if it wanted to tell me anything. I asked it why it was in so much pain. Life, stress, that's all. So, I am suppose to accept this, and just be with it, the pain. Not to wish it away, but to see why it is there and accept it. This is a hard one for me, because I literally have been in this physical pain since College, and it has been bad on and off as well since then. I feel tattered, battered and torn, and just want to rest, rest my body.
I had to go out and unpack, which took hours and I still did not get finished. I have to decide what few things I can keep with me for the next few weeks, in the sense of clothes and personal belongings. It is not fun, and it's pretty sad, putting clothes in the draws was the saddest, I will never be able to see or hear my daughter every single morning saying, "I don't know what to wear Mom," and walk in my room to look for something!! Memories, sometimes I wish we could just wipe the slate clean, and not have them, they seem to hurt so much.
I did as much as I could today, putting the rest aside for another day. My goal was to clean and organize my things in the room so it looked neat. I finally got in the tub, along with my crystals and candle, and it was awesome, hot and relaxing. I release a lot in the water, and today was no different. So many tears of not being good enough, not a good enough mother, not being there enough emotionally for my children in the years. I cried, released, and it surely is a pain in the butt to go through this process daily. When will it all end? The pain? What is the point of it all if there is pain in our bodies, and our hearts always? Yes, it's been a tough couple of days emotionally and it shows, I know.
I arrived at my daughters place around 3:00, we had a lunch date with my son also. Since I had to go back up north to get the rest of my belongings, my daughter told me to stop by to see Jake so he was comforted by knowing we were still there for him. I was thrilled to be invited over so quickly, because my daughter was commenting how she didn't want to see me until Thanksgiving! Two weeks away, but I went along with it, wanting to give her all the space she needs at this time.
I brought a few more gifts for the girls, my aromatherapy diffuser, along with some essential oils for it. I also gave them some really cute tea light holders I just bought for myself as a gift for my new place. The tea lights came in a set of six, and I did not need all of them now, so I split the set in half, and brought them along with some tea light candles. I also had to bring them my new love, a nice piece of Selanite I just bought, but is too big for the room I am in. I have two other larger size crystals I bought recently, so I kept those, and wanted to leave the Selanite with the girls. They were gracious with the gifts I bought, and it was so sweet to hear my daughter offer to make a sandwich for me! And when she made coffee for us, I heard her say she will make it weak, "because Mom likes it that way!" wow, what a change from me being the Mother in my home, and me making the coffee strong for her, because that is the way she likes it! What a beautiful thing, wanting to care for others needs in your own home, so they are happy!
We sat on the couch and hung out, talked, and my son came with his cousin who I helped care for when she was young. It was a really nice time, and after sitting on the couch I realized how much pain I was in, and was getting really tired and decided to go upstairs and lay down. This also gave the kids time to talk and hang out alone. I did pass out a bit, and woke up my pain was calmer.
My son left with his cousin, and I stayed. My one daughters friend came over, so I hung out with my other daughter in her room, and we watched a show that we usually watch together on Thursday nights! It was so fun, like hanging out as friends.
I left late again, not until like 10:00, got in late with the dog barking, and I felt badly I woke my brother up due to that. I am exhausted again, and am going to bed. I didn't even get the chance to get the rest of my things, I was too tired to go after visiting my daughters. I decided to go back Saturday, my kids will be around all day because they want to stay in with the dogs being in a new home, so I can see them again!
Love and light!
Another Place to Lay My Head
Namaste All
So, I am finally here, here in another world, sort of. It took the kids all day yesterday to move, and my daughter asked me to stay with her dog during the day so he wouldn't have to be alone while they were moving. We thought they would be done by 2:00, and that didn't happen. I stayed at the house alone all day with Jake, cleaning the floors and everything else. There was still last minute things to do, it was never ending. I took a lot of time just laying around with Jake, laying next to him and petting him. I also learned about some trauma work for animals, and practiced on him a few times. They say dogs can have PTSD just like humans, from another dog attacking them, which makes total sense. Well, the first few months we had him, we took him to the dog park, and this occurred more than once. It shock me how dog owners do not take this action very seriously, I had to basically ask the human to leave on day due to his dog attacking mine, and he didn't even want to go! But, Jake seems to bark a lot, and is fearful, and not so sure of other dogs.
The kids didn't get back to the house until around 7:00 pm, and we were all starving, not stopping to eat all day. My daughter and I ate our last quick meal in the foyer on the steps, a gluten free, veggie pizza I had bought yesterday. I picked up food for my son, and a bottle of champagne, and he took it to the girls new apartment to eat it, my daughter was too anxious to stay in the house. Tears were coming to her eyes, as she was so worried about how Jake would now act in a totally new environment. She was anxious to get to her new place, so as everything seemed to be finished, we left. I ran out the back door with last minute things in my hand, along with the bottle of champagne. As I opened the car door, the champagne slipped out from under my arm due to my slippery winter coat, and smash, there went the champagne, spilling all over the driveway next to me as I was getting in my car. I took it as a as sign of letting go, gone, into another place and time. The unknown which I am not very happy about.
We got to their apartment and the place is beautiful! They bought a new couch set, dark brown with gold studs all around the front of the furniture. The floor plan is a very open floor plan, with an island in the middle. There is an upstairs split in two, two bedrooms, each with their own walk in closet and bathroom. I am so very happy for them, it will bring them so much joy and happiness. I helped them unpack the kitchen, and threw their new white dishes in the dishwasher. It was really cute and fun, like playing house all over again! I left by 10:00, so I didn't get into my brothers home for the first night too late. Driving home I cried on and off, saying "good by" to change isn't always so easy. Saying "good by" to Mother hood isn't either. I cried over the things I could have done differently, and should have, so many mistakes I feel I have made. My Shaman showed me how I haven't forgiven myself, and need to. Looking in the mirror and telling myself this made me cry. So many memories filled with serious mistakes, and lessons, sometimes they are too hard to bear. Couldn't that be so? Too hard to "accept", wanting it different, being in resistant to it. There you go, back to the work, the spiritual, psychology work. I will have to go back to those memories, hold myself tight, and plan a different outcome, a loving outcome which comforts me.
I got in the door to my brothers house, only with some sweats to sleep in, leaving everything in the car for the morning to unload. I took my comforter in, and hopped into bed for the night. I feel so exhausted the bed seems like a comforting place to be. Thank you for small things like a place to lay my head tonite.
So, I am finally here, here in another world, sort of. It took the kids all day yesterday to move, and my daughter asked me to stay with her dog during the day so he wouldn't have to be alone while they were moving. We thought they would be done by 2:00, and that didn't happen. I stayed at the house alone all day with Jake, cleaning the floors and everything else. There was still last minute things to do, it was never ending. I took a lot of time just laying around with Jake, laying next to him and petting him. I also learned about some trauma work for animals, and practiced on him a few times. They say dogs can have PTSD just like humans, from another dog attacking them, which makes total sense. Well, the first few months we had him, we took him to the dog park, and this occurred more than once. It shock me how dog owners do not take this action very seriously, I had to basically ask the human to leave on day due to his dog attacking mine, and he didn't even want to go! But, Jake seems to bark a lot, and is fearful, and not so sure of other dogs.
The kids didn't get back to the house until around 7:00 pm, and we were all starving, not stopping to eat all day. My daughter and I ate our last quick meal in the foyer on the steps, a gluten free, veggie pizza I had bought yesterday. I picked up food for my son, and a bottle of champagne, and he took it to the girls new apartment to eat it, my daughter was too anxious to stay in the house. Tears were coming to her eyes, as she was so worried about how Jake would now act in a totally new environment. She was anxious to get to her new place, so as everything seemed to be finished, we left. I ran out the back door with last minute things in my hand, along with the bottle of champagne. As I opened the car door, the champagne slipped out from under my arm due to my slippery winter coat, and smash, there went the champagne, spilling all over the driveway next to me as I was getting in my car. I took it as a as sign of letting go, gone, into another place and time. The unknown which I am not very happy about.
We got to their apartment and the place is beautiful! They bought a new couch set, dark brown with gold studs all around the front of the furniture. The floor plan is a very open floor plan, with an island in the middle. There is an upstairs split in two, two bedrooms, each with their own walk in closet and bathroom. I am so very happy for them, it will bring them so much joy and happiness. I helped them unpack the kitchen, and threw their new white dishes in the dishwasher. It was really cute and fun, like playing house all over again! I left by 10:00, so I didn't get into my brothers home for the first night too late. Driving home I cried on and off, saying "good by" to change isn't always so easy. Saying "good by" to Mother hood isn't either. I cried over the things I could have done differently, and should have, so many mistakes I feel I have made. My Shaman showed me how I haven't forgiven myself, and need to. Looking in the mirror and telling myself this made me cry. So many memories filled with serious mistakes, and lessons, sometimes they are too hard to bear. Couldn't that be so? Too hard to "accept", wanting it different, being in resistant to it. There you go, back to the work, the spiritual, psychology work. I will have to go back to those memories, hold myself tight, and plan a different outcome, a loving outcome which comforts me.
I got in the door to my brothers house, only with some sweats to sleep in, leaving everything in the car for the morning to unload. I took my comforter in, and hopped into bed for the night. I feel so exhausted the bed seems like a comforting place to be. Thank you for small things like a place to lay my head tonite.
Wednesday, Nov 12, the Kids Special Day!
Its Wednesday, November 12th, the kids special day.
Wow, with so much preparation, it's hard to believe today is the day the girls move out. We woke up early, and they went and got a truck all by themselves, and we loaded it up. They left with the goods, all three of them, my daughters and my son, to go to their new home, their new breathe of life! I am so happy for them, so proud of them. To know they want this and can finally be free to fly, to make their own decisions in their life, without their Mother looking down their back.
Wow, with so much preparation, it's hard to believe today is the day the girls move out. We woke up early, and they went and got a truck all by themselves, and we loaded it up. They left with the goods, all three of them, my daughters and my son, to go to their new home, their new breathe of life! I am so happy for them, so proud of them. To know they want this and can finally be free to fly, to make their own decisions in their life, without their Mother looking down their back.
My emotions are all over the place, from crying my eyes out, to being calm. I still had so much stuff left to pack, it seems never ending, every little thing needs to be out, and this house was pretty big for me. The house is 100 years old, and has four bedrooms. There are two living rooms in front of the house along with a foyer, and a large Dining Room, with a Sun room in the back of my house my son used the past year. The upstairs has a foyer with four bedrooms, and two baths. My bedroom was nice and large, along with an east window to have the magnificent sun greet me every morning it rises! My bedroom saved me here, the house is very dark and old feeling, with very dark paneling. I see how dark, ugly and creepy it is with nothing in it, I do not get good vibes in it at all. The only good in here was me and my family, and our animals. The house feels heavy and dark with no one in it. This is for sure the hardest part. I am sitting here now alone with the dogs, so they are not alone when the girls are moving all of their things. When they are finished they will come and get their dogs, and we will all go our way! Oh my, I think I will have a heart attack! This, for sure, will be one of the hardest days of my life, after loosing my children in Court ten years ago and having to live that way. I am so sad as I look back on my life here, here in this house and here in Bergen County. We destroyed ourselves and our family, my ex and I did, and now I have to accept this, let go, and move on. This is so very hard to do. I packed my ex a little envelop with our napkin from our Wedding Day, with a quote, "Today I will marry my best friend, the one I laugh with, live for, love!" I found a stack of them in the basement along with my Wedding Pictures. I found so many old pictures I had never gone through, and they made me cry. I also gave him a few pictures of me and the kids when they were small, and I wrote him a quick note of me being sorry for everything, and always caring about him. He was my life, my children and my family were, and I wish they still were. I wish we still were all together as a family. When I look at the marriages around me, mine was no worse than anyone else's. We did have so much love, yes at the end it was very faded and turned to wanting to hurt each other, but the love was intense and deep. And like I have said, no matter what I do, I still feel connected to him. I am trying to accept what happened to us, and let it go, wishing all of us love and peace. If our paths are meant to cross again, so be it, I am actually open to anything right now that the Universe has to offer me, knowing it is all for my highest good.
I am done raising my children, I have taken care of them as long as they needed, and now it's over on a daily basis. It should be interesting to see where all my energy will go now. I am concerned about working and making some money, but want to work as a Reiki Healer/Life Coach, and Angel Card Reader. I need to figure out how to have clients come to me, so I can do this type of work and not resort back to being a nanny.
Its now two oclock and I have been alone here all day. I have cleaned up the entire house. I am starting to panic, crying, needing to get out of here. I open the front door to take out the garbage and I hear the bell ring, the bell I will never hear ringing for Jake to go outside again. It breaks my heart and makes me cry. It's almost over, my daughter and son are on the way back soon to pick up her dog, Jake, and walk into her new life! I am so excited for them. If I stay focused on them, I feel much better.
I text my brother to remind him I am coming today, and he texts me back, "just for a few weeks, right?" What a nice welcoming, I start to cry, feeling I have no where to go, no where safe, wanted and loved. All alone, being all alone out there, with no one to live with, love and help care for, taking care of each other, scratching one anothers back. I am so very sad now, tears just rolling down. I am going to close up for now, can't bear this a minute longer!
Om Shante Om
Om Shante Om
Last Night in This House
Namaste all day!
So, here it goes, the last night here and I'm not even balling my eyes out! Thank Kate, my Shaman for that, and the Universe of course! She totally connected me to source and brought my guides back in, and when I am sad it is a natural sadness of moving on without my children, not that desperation of disconnection I was feeling. I explained this feeling to her the day I saw her, and she agreed this was a deeper sense of pain, my sense of being disconnected from everything. She did a ceremony with drums and rattles to help reconnect me with my Spirit Guides. Thank Heaven for that session because ever since then, I have not had that feeling of being disconnected at all anymore. Wow, I just really realized that this minute that I no longer have that feeling. Now my feelings are just sad here and there, knowing how much my life is going to change without my children around every day. They will always be with me in my heart and soul, and I will love them forever.
I hope my arrival at my brothers home tomorrow is a pleasant one. He enjoys living alone, and has his son every weekend and one night during the week. He is very private, unlike me who loves people around. I feel as if I am invading his space, so my goal is to stay out of his way, stay in my room all night and create like I do so much of the time anyway. I will cook a nice meal for him the first night I am there, and cook for him most of the time, hoping that will make the transition a loving one, and at least he is getting something great out of it. I have realized today that his property is part woods, so I will have the forest to talk to and hang out in all the time. I also realized another major thing, his neighbor owns horses! Yes, that is right horses! You have no idea the love we have for them, me and especially my one daughter who took lessons when she was ten years old. We have been going to a Dude Ranch for years, since I have been divorced. My daughter always wanted to buy a horse when we went to the Ranch, which is still a dream of mine and ours. Imagine to wake up near some horses, and being able to see them and hang out with them. I will have to wonder there in the next few days and see what the situation is, if they would mind me coming by and petting them only like every day. My brothers dog actually runs over there all the time, I think because they also have a dog there his dog likes to see. This could end up being such a magical experience for me and my daughter, to be able to bond with some horses!
But, for tonight I am anxious about getting to my brothers house tomorrow and unloading all of my things. I hope to do it during the day while he is working if I can get in, I haven't told him what time I was coming yet. I decided to call him tomorrow and tell him I will be coming in the afternoon. I do not want to freak him out about all the stuff I have! I don't want him to think I want to stay long, because I don't. I would love to have a place for January at this point, its almost Thanksgiving and Christmas always comes so fast after that. My first goal though is to start making some cash, and lots of it. I will have to figure out which route to go there once I settle in at my brothers, as I have so many things I want to do, I just have to figure out which one to start with that will bring me money the quickest way. It will all come once I settle in, I feel it, so I am not worried, actually I am excited about it. I have wanted to become an author probably my entire life, so this is also so exciting for me. And to work with one of my soul sisters who is here to transform the world, wow, what else is there??
I am fine, I will be okay, actually better than okay. It's a shame I haven't been so happy here working just to survive and provide for my kids any way I knew how. I wish the money I had after my divorce stayed with me, and I did not blow it all away, to only struggle and survive for ten years. My kids and I deserved better than that, and my body has suffered so. But then, I know, it's all meant to be, all to find the lessons within, so I can come back to myself, and become whole. I would not say it has been fun, I do not even know if I could say it is all worth it, because so much of my life has seemed to be a struggle. Yes, others have had it worse, and I have no idea how they survive here on this earth, and bless those courageous souls.
This too shall pass, they say our time her on earth is just a blink, just a blink, can you even imagine!
Love and light always ~
So, here it goes, the last night here and I'm not even balling my eyes out! Thank Kate, my Shaman for that, and the Universe of course! She totally connected me to source and brought my guides back in, and when I am sad it is a natural sadness of moving on without my children, not that desperation of disconnection I was feeling. I explained this feeling to her the day I saw her, and she agreed this was a deeper sense of pain, my sense of being disconnected from everything. She did a ceremony with drums and rattles to help reconnect me with my Spirit Guides. Thank Heaven for that session because ever since then, I have not had that feeling of being disconnected at all anymore. Wow, I just really realized that this minute that I no longer have that feeling. Now my feelings are just sad here and there, knowing how much my life is going to change without my children around every day. They will always be with me in my heart and soul, and I will love them forever.
I hope my arrival at my brothers home tomorrow is a pleasant one. He enjoys living alone, and has his son every weekend and one night during the week. He is very private, unlike me who loves people around. I feel as if I am invading his space, so my goal is to stay out of his way, stay in my room all night and create like I do so much of the time anyway. I will cook a nice meal for him the first night I am there, and cook for him most of the time, hoping that will make the transition a loving one, and at least he is getting something great out of it. I have realized today that his property is part woods, so I will have the forest to talk to and hang out in all the time. I also realized another major thing, his neighbor owns horses! Yes, that is right horses! You have no idea the love we have for them, me and especially my one daughter who took lessons when she was ten years old. We have been going to a Dude Ranch for years, since I have been divorced. My daughter always wanted to buy a horse when we went to the Ranch, which is still a dream of mine and ours. Imagine to wake up near some horses, and being able to see them and hang out with them. I will have to wonder there in the next few days and see what the situation is, if they would mind me coming by and petting them only like every day. My brothers dog actually runs over there all the time, I think because they also have a dog there his dog likes to see. This could end up being such a magical experience for me and my daughter, to be able to bond with some horses!
But, for tonight I am anxious about getting to my brothers house tomorrow and unloading all of my things. I hope to do it during the day while he is working if I can get in, I haven't told him what time I was coming yet. I decided to call him tomorrow and tell him I will be coming in the afternoon. I do not want to freak him out about all the stuff I have! I don't want him to think I want to stay long, because I don't. I would love to have a place for January at this point, its almost Thanksgiving and Christmas always comes so fast after that. My first goal though is to start making some cash, and lots of it. I will have to figure out which route to go there once I settle in at my brothers, as I have so many things I want to do, I just have to figure out which one to start with that will bring me money the quickest way. It will all come once I settle in, I feel it, so I am not worried, actually I am excited about it. I have wanted to become an author probably my entire life, so this is also so exciting for me. And to work with one of my soul sisters who is here to transform the world, wow, what else is there??
I am fine, I will be okay, actually better than okay. It's a shame I haven't been so happy here working just to survive and provide for my kids any way I knew how. I wish the money I had after my divorce stayed with me, and I did not blow it all away, to only struggle and survive for ten years. My kids and I deserved better than that, and my body has suffered so. But then, I know, it's all meant to be, all to find the lessons within, so I can come back to myself, and become whole. I would not say it has been fun, I do not even know if I could say it is all worth it, because so much of my life has seemed to be a struggle. Yes, others have had it worse, and I have no idea how they survive here on this earth, and bless those courageous souls.
This too shall pass, they say our time her on earth is just a blink, just a blink, can you even imagine!
Love and light always ~
Our Last Day in the House!
Namaste
OMG for sure, this is totally crazy. Here I sit alone in an empty house in my bedroom for the last time, being creative. As I sit here in peace, without a thing barely left in the house besides the mattresses, I get a sense of yucky, dark, energy. Although I have been saging every day for about a week sensing this, it seems to never leave. I don't know how I even got creative here, in this room. Yes I do, it's the sun. The sun rises in my bedroom window, and greets me every morning with love. This is truly what has saved my life here. I always felt bad for my daughter who had the west window bedroom, in the morning her room was still so dark, so hard to greet the day without sunshine to me. How these small things are so important to my feelings of well being. Small but huge when it comes to feelings and emotions. I am trying to see what makes me "feel" good every day, and go with that. It sure is a beautiful, different way of life, but if we can't be happy and have fun, what the hell is the point of it all? Especially if you suffered on this earth like most of us have. I want more, I want it all, and you should to, whatever that is for you.
I know what my dreams are, now I will sit back, relax, and let it all unfold in front of me, just as it should. This time I will be flowing with the river, and not against it, as I have for so many years. It is such a peaceful, relaxing and serene feeling, to trust, let go, and fly! I am excited about this next chapter in my life, and can't wait to see what it will bring. I know I will be working with a very special person, to help accomplish the mission I am meant to for the children here on this earth.
I packed up my car this morning with the help of my hesitant daughter. Sometimes it is hard to understand my children when they are not always so open and willing to help. She is nervous about her dog being in this apartment complex, but I believe in chipping in lovingly when needed. But, I got it done, and it barely fit. I came upstairs and realized there was more stuff up here, so I will have to figure out what to do with it. The process is exhausting, it seems never ending. It is not fun to feel, "out of it", and not settled anywhere. My head is still spinning, and I still have to get to my brothers house tomorrow and unpack everything. I just hope I can get in his house during the day while he is at work. I am not sure if he will want me to though, due to his dog that isn't very loving of people. Either way, I will be there. It just gets dark at 5:00 now, and I would rather move everything in during the day light. It surely is going to be so weird to wake up there, I wonder how I will feel, I can only image I am not going to be very happy waking up without my children ever again. That is why I will have a beautiful home in the future, one where when they are married with children, their children can sleep over all the time. I just want love all around me all the time, why is that so hard to do?
This surely is a tough time on my emotions now, but I already see the blessings of the growth which will occur for my children and myself. We will have a life where we are flourishing, and not just surviving. We did that for too long. I love my children too much to see them unhappy because they need to spread their wings and fly, I am so grateful to the Universe for providing us this opportunity. I am grateful for my children and I for understanding the power of focus, the power of attraction, and that we are creators here on this earth and can manifest whatever we want. This is a result of that, we did it, and I am so proud of them. Now, my daughter's dog needs to adjust well to this move, and I pray the dog near him is one that he loves, and he enjoys his walks out back to go to the bathroom. My daughter is waiting to get him trained for two weeks, so he can overcome whatever fears he has.
I am in so much pain today, I am going to end this and say goodbye! I hope everyone has someone around them that loves them, and to love!
Namaste
OMG for sure, this is totally crazy. Here I sit alone in an empty house in my bedroom for the last time, being creative. As I sit here in peace, without a thing barely left in the house besides the mattresses, I get a sense of yucky, dark, energy. Although I have been saging every day for about a week sensing this, it seems to never leave. I don't know how I even got creative here, in this room. Yes I do, it's the sun. The sun rises in my bedroom window, and greets me every morning with love. This is truly what has saved my life here. I always felt bad for my daughter who had the west window bedroom, in the morning her room was still so dark, so hard to greet the day without sunshine to me. How these small things are so important to my feelings of well being. Small but huge when it comes to feelings and emotions. I am trying to see what makes me "feel" good every day, and go with that. It sure is a beautiful, different way of life, but if we can't be happy and have fun, what the hell is the point of it all? Especially if you suffered on this earth like most of us have. I want more, I want it all, and you should to, whatever that is for you.
I know what my dreams are, now I will sit back, relax, and let it all unfold in front of me, just as it should. This time I will be flowing with the river, and not against it, as I have for so many years. It is such a peaceful, relaxing and serene feeling, to trust, let go, and fly! I am excited about this next chapter in my life, and can't wait to see what it will bring. I know I will be working with a very special person, to help accomplish the mission I am meant to for the children here on this earth.
I packed up my car this morning with the help of my hesitant daughter. Sometimes it is hard to understand my children when they are not always so open and willing to help. She is nervous about her dog being in this apartment complex, but I believe in chipping in lovingly when needed. But, I got it done, and it barely fit. I came upstairs and realized there was more stuff up here, so I will have to figure out what to do with it. The process is exhausting, it seems never ending. It is not fun to feel, "out of it", and not settled anywhere. My head is still spinning, and I still have to get to my brothers house tomorrow and unpack everything. I just hope I can get in his house during the day while he is at work. I am not sure if he will want me to though, due to his dog that isn't very loving of people. Either way, I will be there. It just gets dark at 5:00 now, and I would rather move everything in during the day light. It surely is going to be so weird to wake up there, I wonder how I will feel, I can only image I am not going to be very happy waking up without my children ever again. That is why I will have a beautiful home in the future, one where when they are married with children, their children can sleep over all the time. I just want love all around me all the time, why is that so hard to do?
This surely is a tough time on my emotions now, but I already see the blessings of the growth which will occur for my children and myself. We will have a life where we are flourishing, and not just surviving. We did that for too long. I love my children too much to see them unhappy because they need to spread their wings and fly, I am so grateful to the Universe for providing us this opportunity. I am grateful for my children and I for understanding the power of focus, the power of attraction, and that we are creators here on this earth and can manifest whatever we want. This is a result of that, we did it, and I am so proud of them. Now, my daughter's dog needs to adjust well to this move, and I pray the dog near him is one that he loves, and he enjoys his walks out back to go to the bathroom. My daughter is waiting to get him trained for two weeks, so he can overcome whatever fears he has.
I am in so much pain today, I am going to end this and say goodbye! I hope everyone has someone around them that loves them, and to love!
Namaste
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