Namaste
OMG for sure, this is totally crazy. Here I sit alone in an empty house in my bedroom for the last time, being creative. As I sit here in peace, without a thing barely left in the house besides the mattresses, I get a sense of yucky, dark, energy. Although I have been saging every day for about a week sensing this, it seems to never leave. I don't know how I even got creative here, in this room. Yes I do, it's the sun. The sun rises in my bedroom window, and greets me every morning with love. This is truly what has saved my life here. I always felt bad for my daughter who had the west window bedroom, in the morning her room was still so dark, so hard to greet the day without sunshine to me. How these small things are so important to my feelings of well being. Small but huge when it comes to feelings and emotions. I am trying to see what makes me "feel" good every day, and go with that. It sure is a beautiful, different way of life, but if we can't be happy and have fun, what the hell is the point of it all? Especially if you suffered on this earth like most of us have. I want more, I want it all, and you should to, whatever that is for you.
I know what my dreams are, now I will sit back, relax, and let it all unfold in front of me, just as it should. This time I will be flowing with the river, and not against it, as I have for so many years. It is such a peaceful, relaxing and serene feeling, to trust, let go, and fly! I am excited about this next chapter in my life, and can't wait to see what it will bring. I know I will be working with a very special person, to help accomplish the mission I am meant to for the children here on this earth.
I packed up my car this morning with the help of my hesitant daughter. Sometimes it is hard to understand my children when they are not always so open and willing to help. She is nervous about her dog being in this apartment complex, but I believe in chipping in lovingly when needed. But, I got it done, and it barely fit. I came upstairs and realized there was more stuff up here, so I will have to figure out what to do with it. The process is exhausting, it seems never ending. It is not fun to feel, "out of it", and not settled anywhere. My head is still spinning, and I still have to get to my brothers house tomorrow and unpack everything. I just hope I can get in his house during the day while he is at work. I am not sure if he will want me to though, due to his dog that isn't very loving of people. Either way, I will be there. It just gets dark at 5:00 now, and I would rather move everything in during the day light. It surely is going to be so weird to wake up there, I wonder how I will feel, I can only image I am not going to be very happy waking up without my children ever again. That is why I will have a beautiful home in the future, one where when they are married with children, their children can sleep over all the time. I just want love all around me all the time, why is that so hard to do?
This surely is a tough time on my emotions now, but I already see the blessings of the growth which will occur for my children and myself. We will have a life where we are flourishing, and not just surviving. We did that for too long. I love my children too much to see them unhappy because they need to spread their wings and fly, I am so grateful to the Universe for providing us this opportunity. I am grateful for my children and I for understanding the power of focus, the power of attraction, and that we are creators here on this earth and can manifest whatever we want. This is a result of that, we did it, and I am so proud of them. Now, my daughter's dog needs to adjust well to this move, and I pray the dog near him is one that he loves, and he enjoys his walks out back to go to the bathroom. My daughter is waiting to get him trained for two weeks, so he can overcome whatever fears he has.
I am in so much pain today, I am going to end this and say goodbye! I hope everyone has someone around them that loves them, and to love!
Namaste
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