Blessings all!
I woke up to my awesome soul sisters text, Irina's, telling me she is thinking of me during his move. Wow, what a way to start my first day here, you have no idea how his truly touched my heart and comforts me. Her texts always tell me how much she loves me, how she is holding me in light, how much she cares. She is one of the most beautiful women I know, and am so blessed to be her soul sister. My little baby Irina, that is what she once was to me in a past life. We all have had many past lives together, and when you meet those that remember, it is a blessed thing. This is what is happening with my new soul family, thanks to my spiritual mentor, leader and friend, Teal Swan!
I texted and called my girls wanting to know how their first night was and being concerned with Jake, my daughters four year old lab mix. She said he was up all night, when my son and I left last night, he whined all night. He didn't sleep at all was scratching his nose so badly it was bleeding. Nervous he was, I felt so badly, I should have just slept there if we would have known.
I have plans to go back up north today because I had to leave some things in the garage, not being able to fit everything. But, I still have to unpack my entire car again, and I am exhausted. I woke up with the worse neck and back pain, in tears. I took a hot bath, and cried, cried about everything and why I am in so much pain. I did Reiki on my neck and asked my neck if it wanted to tell me anything. I asked it why it was in so much pain. Life, stress, that's all. So, I am suppose to accept this, and just be with it, the pain. Not to wish it away, but to see why it is there and accept it. This is a hard one for me, because I literally have been in this physical pain since College, and it has been bad on and off as well since then. I feel tattered, battered and torn, and just want to rest, rest my body.
I had to go out and unpack, which took hours and I still did not get finished. I have to decide what few things I can keep with me for the next few weeks, in the sense of clothes and personal belongings. It is not fun, and it's pretty sad, putting clothes in the draws was the saddest, I will never be able to see or hear my daughter every single morning saying, "I don't know what to wear Mom," and walk in my room to look for something!! Memories, sometimes I wish we could just wipe the slate clean, and not have them, they seem to hurt so much.
I did as much as I could today, putting the rest aside for another day. My goal was to clean and organize my things in the room so it looked neat. I finally got in the tub, along with my crystals and candle, and it was awesome, hot and relaxing. I release a lot in the water, and today was no different. So many tears of not being good enough, not a good enough mother, not being there enough emotionally for my children in the years. I cried, released, and it surely is a pain in the butt to go through this process daily. When will it all end? The pain? What is the point of it all if there is pain in our bodies, and our hearts always? Yes, it's been a tough couple of days emotionally and it shows, I know.
I arrived at my daughters place around 3:00, we had a lunch date with my son also. Since I had to go back up north to get the rest of my belongings, my daughter told me to stop by to see Jake so he was comforted by knowing we were still there for him. I was thrilled to be invited over so quickly, because my daughter was commenting how she didn't want to see me until Thanksgiving! Two weeks away, but I went along with it, wanting to give her all the space she needs at this time.
I brought a few more gifts for the girls, my aromatherapy diffuser, along with some essential oils for it. I also gave them some really cute tea light holders I just bought for myself as a gift for my new place. The tea lights came in a set of six, and I did not need all of them now, so I split the set in half, and brought them along with some tea light candles. I also had to bring them my new love, a nice piece of Selanite I just bought, but is too big for the room I am in. I have two other larger size crystals I bought recently, so I kept those, and wanted to leave the Selanite with the girls. They were gracious with the gifts I bought, and it was so sweet to hear my daughter offer to make a sandwich for me! And when she made coffee for us, I heard her say she will make it weak, "because Mom likes it that way!" wow, what a change from me being the Mother in my home, and me making the coffee strong for her, because that is the way she likes it! What a beautiful thing, wanting to care for others needs in your own home, so they are happy!
We sat on the couch and hung out, talked, and my son came with his cousin who I helped care for when she was young. It was a really nice time, and after sitting on the couch I realized how much pain I was in, and was getting really tired and decided to go upstairs and lay down. This also gave the kids time to talk and hang out alone. I did pass out a bit, and woke up my pain was calmer.
My son left with his cousin, and I stayed. My one daughters friend came over, so I hung out with my other daughter in her room, and we watched a show that we usually watch together on Thursday nights! It was so fun, like hanging out as friends.
I left late again, not until like 10:00, got in late with the dog barking, and I felt badly I woke my brother up due to that. I am exhausted again, and am going to bed. I didn't even get the chance to get the rest of my things, I was too tired to go after visiting my daughters. I decided to go back Saturday, my kids will be around all day because they want to stay in with the dogs being in a new home, so I can see them again!
Love and light!
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