Namaste all day!
So, here it goes, the last night here and I'm not even balling my eyes out! Thank Kate, my Shaman for that, and the Universe of course! She totally connected me to source and brought my guides back in, and when I am sad it is a natural sadness of moving on without my children, not that desperation of disconnection I was feeling. I explained this feeling to her the day I saw her, and she agreed this was a deeper sense of pain, my sense of being disconnected from everything. She did a ceremony with drums and rattles to help reconnect me with my Spirit Guides. Thank Heaven for that session because ever since then, I have not had that feeling of being disconnected at all anymore. Wow, I just really realized that this minute that I no longer have that feeling. Now my feelings are just sad here and there, knowing how much my life is going to change without my children around every day. They will always be with me in my heart and soul, and I will love them forever.
I hope my arrival at my brothers home tomorrow is a pleasant one. He enjoys living alone, and has his son every weekend and one night during the week. He is very private, unlike me who loves people around. I feel as if I am invading his space, so my goal is to stay out of his way, stay in my room all night and create like I do so much of the time anyway. I will cook a nice meal for him the first night I am there, and cook for him most of the time, hoping that will make the transition a loving one, and at least he is getting something great out of it. I have realized today that his property is part woods, so I will have the forest to talk to and hang out in all the time. I also realized another major thing, his neighbor owns horses! Yes, that is right horses! You have no idea the love we have for them, me and especially my one daughter who took lessons when she was ten years old. We have been going to a Dude Ranch for years, since I have been divorced. My daughter always wanted to buy a horse when we went to the Ranch, which is still a dream of mine and ours. Imagine to wake up near some horses, and being able to see them and hang out with them. I will have to wonder there in the next few days and see what the situation is, if they would mind me coming by and petting them only like every day. My brothers dog actually runs over there all the time, I think because they also have a dog there his dog likes to see. This could end up being such a magical experience for me and my daughter, to be able to bond with some horses!
But, for tonight I am anxious about getting to my brothers house tomorrow and unloading all of my things. I hope to do it during the day while he is working if I can get in, I haven't told him what time I was coming yet. I decided to call him tomorrow and tell him I will be coming in the afternoon. I do not want to freak him out about all the stuff I have! I don't want him to think I want to stay long, because I don't. I would love to have a place for January at this point, its almost Thanksgiving and Christmas always comes so fast after that. My first goal though is to start making some cash, and lots of it. I will have to figure out which route to go there once I settle in at my brothers, as I have so many things I want to do, I just have to figure out which one to start with that will bring me money the quickest way. It will all come once I settle in, I feel it, so I am not worried, actually I am excited about it. I have wanted to become an author probably my entire life, so this is also so exciting for me. And to work with one of my soul sisters who is here to transform the world, wow, what else is there??
I am fine, I will be okay, actually better than okay. It's a shame I haven't been so happy here working just to survive and provide for my kids any way I knew how. I wish the money I had after my divorce stayed with me, and I did not blow it all away, to only struggle and survive for ten years. My kids and I deserved better than that, and my body has suffered so. But then, I know, it's all meant to be, all to find the lessons within, so I can come back to myself, and become whole. I would not say it has been fun, I do not even know if I could say it is all worth it, because so much of my life has seemed to be a struggle. Yes, others have had it worse, and I have no idea how they survive here on this earth, and bless those courageous souls.
This too shall pass, they say our time her on earth is just a blink, just a blink, can you even imagine!
Love and light always ~
No comments:
Post a Comment