Breaking Down

Namaste
Having a really bad day today, so bad I can barely even write, crying so much.  Woke up to the dark rain, so that surely doesn't help my mood.  I am so sad, sad I have no home, no things of mine around to comfort me, no kids around to talk to, I miss them so much!  My feelings are so low today I don't even know what to do, how I am going to get through this at all!!
I do not know how I am going to get through this day, let alone day after day.  I feel lost, alone, confused, like I have nothing or no one.  What a terrible feeling.  I am wondering how I did this to myself and why.  Why I would manifest this for even a week?  This is a terrible, awful place to be, a terrible thing to manifest now in my life when I thought I was okay.  Better than okay, I thought I was so ready to shine my light, to publish these books, to  manifest all the money I need to have what I want.  And look at me now, today, here.  It is so awful, I don't even know what to do.
Thank the Universe for my sister in laws phone call.  We spoke awhile, I haven't heard from her since I moved out.  She is always very comforting, but we still have grown apart, which has been natural for me now.  I have grown apart from many people, walking down a different path, and that's okay.  The Universe has sent me like minded souls, my soul family for sure.  But, even with them, there are the ones that have attitude and give me a hard time.  
I am trying to just get through the day today.  Alive, without crying hysterical all day.
I took a bath, forced myself to because I am in so much pain.  The water always makes me cried so I cried more. 
I forced myself to heat up some soup for dinner, and went straight to my room after.  I spoke to my daughters to help cheer me up, we made plans for the week, and that is comforting.  
Then, out of the blue, I got a call from my best soul sister ever, Irina!  We haven't spoken in weeks, she is so busy and has no time to talk.  We keep in touch on face book, which is a blessing, even though I don't get on it daily.  She totally cheered me up, telling me not to be so hard on myself, and that she loves me!  She is going to California soon to do some Kambo we were turned onto from Teal Swan.  I am so excited for her, as this ceremony is very deep, sacred, and life transforming, only for the Warriors indeed.
We also spoke about me going to Miami, and her opinion on maybe seeing Teal for a private instead.  It's funny, because I had thought of this myself as well.  I would love to visit Teal and have a private session with her, more than anything right now, I know it would be the best thing for my growth and understanding of myself.  Manifest, I just have to manifest it.  Wow, when you are so low, so lost, you do not realize you have the power to create anything, because why would you create this hell?  So you feel more powerless, what a vicious cycle!  Oh my, I have to get out of this!
Help!