Confusion! Direction?

Okay, today is my sixth day staying here, at my boss's home.  Boss no more, now a friend, as the position ended.  I woke up yesterday questioning everything, do I want to stay here in Bergen County?  Can I live with someone, like a family member, to save some money so I can get my children's books together, illustrated and published.  
I know I have to talk to my old boss about this Healing Center that is always on my mind.  I really think my time as a nanny is over, and I need to move onto bigger dreams, dreams that can help hundreds of children, touching so many lives!  I realized that I can work on getting my books published, and the Healing Center created at the same time, as writing is my first love.  
But, as I think of being in Central Jersey where my family is, and they are pretty much my support system, I think of moving back there.  Living with one of my brothers, saving some money, and getting this other work out.  But, I don't think I am ready to leave here yet, this is my home, my towns, and I would truly miss not being able to see my son at work all the time.  I don't know if I am ready to say good bye again!  This is so how I feel: 
                                       
Yes, this is confusing, major decisions to make.  So, I went back to my spirit work, meditating, doing yoga this morning, grounding myself more, watching Teal Swan and Pamela Aaralyn, a new being I was turned onto!  Read our Angel Cards today, I turned to the Goddess Cards which I love so much and resonate with.  Strong, positive cards, always enlightening.  Today was Goddess Aretemis.  Daughter of Zeus, twin sister of Apollo.  Really cools story, she was a tomboy, strong courageous, amazing hunter.  Very connected to the earth and the animals, always an amazing shooter with her bow and arrow.  Great manifester as well!  I hope this will all help me make the decision which is the most in alignment with my life purpose.  Now, I am ready, I am here, without any work lined up, nor a place to stay.  Tell me God, tell my Universe, guides, angels, which way to go, show me the way.  Thank you always for being there!
Namaste, Peace, Om Shante Shante Om!

Tough Morning Today

  

Had a really tough afternoon yesterday, had to get myself to Starbucks to see if my son was working and he was.  I hung out there for three hours, posting on care.com for a nanny position once again.  Although I am praying for my spiritual work to come through for financial abundance, I feel I could use a back up.  I want to find a place to live now, now so I can feel "settled" somewhere.  I still need a place to go, a place to call home awhile, as I know this is not it.  I totally jumped into staying here, after moving into that room a week ago, the following weekend I packed my room again, alone, and moved it alone this time too.  Packed up Friday, Saturday, and Sunday a few loads!  And, even the stuff I left here, I have to go through and organize and keep as little as possible.  That means not many clothes, some candles, crystals, and toiletries.  
Then, onto my way to a new place. 
 I woke up today crying, crying more because I feel so alone, and realize I don't have many friends here.  I use to be so social my entire life, and pulled away from people years ago, and lost my best friends up here when I got divorced. I was so very social my entire life, always with family around, always around my sister in laws, our children, always connected to others.  This I am finally realizing is what is truly hurting me now, the connection I had with others and am lacking now.  Waking up without anyone to be able to visit, to hang out with, to reach out to, is pretty sad.  It made me realize I need to find some groups I can join, like minded souls, like on meet up.  It's a great site to connect with others, and I have been using it for years, finding my spiritual stuff there.  That is how I found a Shaman, and a place to go for kirtan, drum circles, sound healing, etc.  I love it there, it's just a drive on the Parkway that I am so tired of!
                                
I also have one or two woman I found at the sound healing that I need to reach out to again.  And maybe I can find someone who wants to get a place together and create a new home, a small intentional community of my own.  
I reached out to my sister in law this morning because I was so upset I needed to talk to a loved one.  How much that helps, it's wonderful.  She was kind, caring, compassionate and understanding, all that you want in a friend for love and support.  I need others like that up here for me, so I can physically see them and hang out.  Universe, God, send them to me today, send me loving souls to help hold my hand on this journey, as I can hold theirs as well!  Thank you, Amen!  

Another New Day, Head Spinning!

           

Okay, here I go again.  Oh dear Lord, Jesus, Holy Mary, Archangels Metatron, Michael, Gabriel, Jophiel, all of you, thank you for being here with me the last few nights and days!  Ever since I cried the blues to Me Ta MeLa the other night, she gave me so much information, it was beautiful!  She reached out to me after a quick response I made on face book, and she messaged me to call her if I needed to, and I did that night!  And boy, crying to her, learning from her, changed my energy that night.  That night in bed I had a dream about a gentleman and woman doing a special healing on me, and I have visions of the work I am suppose to do, like opening up that energy center, once again.  And doing some Reiki from Chiropractor's offices!  
                                                              
But, the most important feelings I received from MeTa MeLa, was that I am not alone, truly, not alone.  She held me tight, her soft words to me were so comforting, telling me I am with her, and Archangel Metatron is with her, and me, holding me, healing me.  She told me we are very connected her and I, along with Archangel Metatron who her stream of consciousness is connected to!  Grasping this concept is new for her as well, wow, this is crazy stuff for sure, deep, intensity, are we even ready for this?  Yes, or it wouldn't be in front of me!  I will say that since then, my energy has shifted, I can feel it during the night, when I have been having beautiful dreams, beautiful visions of my life, my future, and I don't think being a nanny any longer is part of it.  Even though the last few days have been exhausting moving boxes up and down, in and out of houses, doing it alone this time, it has been exhausting for sure. I want to touch hundreds of children, thousands of children, by creating the Healing Centers, starting one in town, and then all over the United States.  Empowering the young children.  Allowing them to shine their light as bright as they can, and helping in the healing of the ones who are in need.  Sending all Love and Light!!

First Morning at my Boss's Home

   

Waking up in a new place today isn't very fun.  I slept at my boss's home last night, after helping her with the children by taking them to the fair so she could nap and finish packing.  So much packing I have seen lately, enough to last me awhile.  It was a local fair, and they enjoyed the games more than the rides.  It's   amazing they can charge $2 to throw two balls at six cans, having to knock all of them off!  To be positive about it, it's a fund raiser, usually money for the Schools.  The Catholic School I sent my children to had one every year, and we all helped volunteer, and the kids loved running around freely with their friends each of the four nights!!
When I got back to her house, my back was in a spasm, so I laid down and took out Teal's new book to read.  I love the book, as I love her!! The beginning explains her life and what she went through, which is great for people to know about.  Time to wake up, wake up to the cruelty that still exists, so we can put it into the light and make the change.
The kids passed out around 10:00, and my boss sat down with me at about 11:30, all packed up.  She napped a few times that day, to have energy to drive through the night.  She is a night owl, always working till wee hours into the morning light.  She is an amazing soul, an amazing woman, a very strong, courageous one at that, and I am so very happy I had the opportunity to get to know her the past month.  She has been around more due to her husband not being here, and so I see her in passing now.  We talked for an hour, all about the dogs, the strict way to train them vs the no rules way!  It was nice to sit with her and just hang out and chat, she is a really cool soul that I have gotten to see.
I went to be as soon as they left.
Blessings to all and to all a good night!

Just Waiting, Feeling in Limbo

    

I am currently in the library waiting to go to a recital for the girl that I cared for since January.  After tonight, my life will be totally different once again, a new place to start.  I feel as if my world is spinning so fast, not even knowing where I am when I awake!  Last night was my last night in the other room, which I only stayed a few nights at.  I packed my car up this morning, with only one more trip to go tomorrow.  I will not sleep there another night, as tonight I will stay at my boss's home for the month.  I couldn't stay in the room after packing up, so I went to see who was at Starbucks, did some blogging work there, and went to get some soup.  Then I came to the library for more work until I had to go to the recital.

This is going to be so sad, as I already am sad.  Sad about moving again, packing up everything AGAIN.  This has to end, I need a home, a safe, warm place to lay my head with love.  After the recital the family I work for leaves for Canada, and my life will change drastically again.  I will miss them, and be in a new space, their space, not mine.  But, I am so very grateful  for that space, as it has great energy, and it will allow me to attract a much better outcome.
As I sat at Starbucks, I created a quick proposal for my boss of the healing center I want to create.  I intend to give it to her today, and see how she can help create this with me.  She may be able to big a big help, now after talking with her, I see how compassionate she is.  What a loving, giving, compassionate soul, here to make major changes in the world!
Blessings to Us All Today! <3

Moving Again into My Bosses Home

Wow, my world is spinning again!  It's crazy.  I moved out last weekend, Saturday, after finding a room to stay in within a day so I was grateful for that.  My boss goes away for five weeks during the summer, and it did come to my mind when I needed a place to stay quickly, to may be able to stay there.  Well, the other night I got really upset about everything, and told her what happened and she offered me her place to stay!  Wow, what a sweetheart!  See, I didn't know her well because she is always working, or in the City working.  The Dad and I are the communicators so I didn't know her well.  But boy, does she have a tremendous, loving heart.  I should have known so due to the fact that she runs a non profit company.  Now that I see her more, I see how she wants to help change the world, big time, just like Teal does, along with me!  My heart has always been there, it's just those finances!  
When I told her my new situation, she was like, come stay here now, I don't think that's a great place for you to be!  She told me to just do my thing, and not worry about the children or anything.  Wow, I am still so shocked and grateful to her response.  See how I do have other people in my life who want to support me?  It is such a beautiful feeling, to know others are holding you, loving you, caring and wanting you to be safe and warm.  Before she left for Singapore, she stopped and gave me the biggest hug ever!  I was so touched, tears came to my eyes, she has an amazing impact on you, amazing energy!  
                                
So, I didn't even unpack a thing anyway, but I did organize better.  The packing is draining and never ending again, as I only want to take what I need there, and it gets confusing.  What about all of your files, paperwork, candles, crystals, toiletries, clothes, books, etc.  You have to have some things with you.  So yesterday I went to my brothers to put a load of stuff in my storage unit.  I was grateful I got one so fast, within a day.  My son helped me pack the car again, thank the Lord.  I woke up with severe pain in the bottom of my head, into my neck, the type that makes me ready to vomit.  I woke at 6:00 am, ran and got ice for it, and kept it there for two hours.  I wasn't even sure if I would be able to get to the storage unit.  But, I did,  trying to stay focused on what I had to do.  When I got out of the shower, it left me feeling really high, it was very strange.  High and sleepy, so weird, so out of it.  But, I pushed myself ahead, knowing I had more stuff to move on my own Saturday and Sunday.
                                                        
Then, I got to my brothers, and he was home from work, and helped me move everything.  When we got to the storage unit, there was a major rain storm! A down pour, got all wet, but didn't even care.  I decided not to tell anyone else I was moving again, it's a little too crazy for sure.  After I explained my situation to my brother, he understood.  We talked a long time as his wife was working, talking about getting disability, medicare, etc.  Trying to figure it all out.  He was pretty calm and cool, not so negative like he seems to get.
I woke up so drained from crying the night before, I decided to lay down and rest at his house before coming home.  Then, my daughter called, and we talked for about an hour.  It is so nice now, I don't bother her daily as she doesn't want me to, and when she calls about once a week, she talks for a long time, and tells me everything.  On her own terms, when she wants to talk, not when I want her to.  So many changes, so much to learn, but I am glad I am getting it.  It was a very exhausting emotional day, I got home when it became dark, visited my son at work, and went home to bed. 
Some days are so draining, I can't wait to be at peace, to feel settled, love, safe and warm at home, in my home, with the love around me that I want from others!
Blessings!!

Looking Forward to a New Life!

             

Here I go again, moving!  My place is pretty much packed up, and when I left yesterday I was so happy I will never have to sleep there again!  My big move is Saturday already, only three days away.  It is great I am now looking forward to it, instead of crying my eyes out being so scared and afraid.  Staying away all week, pet sitting the dogs, has totally helped put everything into perspective.  Here I feel so much better, less alone and lonely.  Now, I see this as moving ahead fast, the next chapter of my life, and I can't wait to see what happens.  It is always about accomplishing things, but what I really want is love in my life.  Love from people around, staying connected, being in touch.  

Today is a good day as I now have a job lined up for September, and they need me in the summer as well.  The summer work is only two hours five days a week, but I took it because at least it is something, and it is with the same family I will be working for in September.  I figured out financially if I can manage, as I live week to week now financially until I manifest more.  More money, more friends, more connections, more love!  That is what I want.  At least I am learning what I want now from what I have had and don't want!  If my life was filled with friends and family and so much socializing as I have always done, I would not have minded living alone.  I do love my alone time, and always need to get home and recharge at some point.  But not having that work environment with people, or the gym environment with all friends, I don't have much support around here, not enough connections.  I have been asking the Universe for more love, to send me loving, supportive, like minded souls.  I see it starting to happen, but at my age people are so busy with their husbands, children, and families, and don't have the time to just hang out and get together.  Living with someone else will help, especially being in a beautiful environment.  I have no idea how long I will stay, and what will happen next, but I am open to what the Universe is sending me.  I am stepping outside the box, and willing to go with the stream, not against it.  So for today, I am here in my bosses home, currently have a new nanny job lined up, and a new place to live.  I know it is all for the best, I know I am closer to finding what I am looking for, and I am at peace.  At least for today!
Namaste, Love and Light! 

Bonding with my Boss, Creating a Future

I am house sitting for my boss this week and when I wake up pretty happy here, I am not feeling sad and lonely.  I guess it's because it's not my home, and I have the dogs to care for.  My upper back has been in a state of spasm, not getting relief yet.  I met a woman today who does energy work and she spoke about some type of work she does even with cancer patients, about your emotions stored in your body.  She is going to send me a book all about it, so I can do the work myself.  It was really amazing talking to her, and I am always interested in other ways of healing.
I keep thinking about this healing center I want to create, it seems to be more on my mind as I have been here with my family helping more.  My boss runs three companies, and one is non profit.  Her husband has been away the last few weeks, and she has appreciated my help so much, which is very touching.  I usually do not speak to her so much, as she isn't always home, or always totally focused on work.  When she left for the week she gave me the biggest hug, and told me how much she has appreciated my help all week, and boy, I was surprised and so touched!  Being around her made me realize the bigger things I want to do now, and that maybe there is a way she can even help me create the Healing Center that is always in the back of my mind.                                      

       
Maybe she can help me with the healing center, help me figure out a way to get financial backing, and maybe help me create my book.  She is so very smart, and I have so much respect for her.  She is the type of person that wants to help change the world, by creating companies to honor one another, and for the good of humanity.  To help raise the energies and frequencies of others by providing companies that help give back to society and empower humans.  Something I have wanted to do for years.  The visions I see in the healing centers I want to create, and empower the little children by my books.
I get really confused about what to focus on first.  Due to my love to write, and the pain I am in, I would love to publish my books, and stay home and write any way I can.  But, I keep getting ideas about these healing centers, it is always popping up in my mind.  So, that makes me think I need to accomplish this as well.  But, my first focus is my books.  And for that, I need only a small amount of money to get one illustrated, and then I can work from there.  I don't want that dream to leave, but I still would love to open a healing center, and create them all around the world!  Yes, dream great dreams and make them come true!  I can not do this alone, I realize, I need the support from others.  
So, Universe, send it to me, send to me what I need to do first, and show me how my boss can help me accomplish this!
Namaste

My Girlfriend Coming to Help me Pack!

This time, I decided to ask people to help me pack, and not handle it all alone, which was too exhausting for me last time.  My girlfriend came to help me pack my apartment up this weekend, because I finally asked, and she knew I felt so alone a few months ago when I packed and unpacked alone!  It is such a big deal, packing, unpacking, so emotional.  Moving has totally made me realize what I do want.  A place to call home, filled with loved ones in it!  A nice place, for me and my family, or a new family I look forward to having.

     

When she arrived, we hadn't seen each other for awhile, and we can talk forever!  I was so overwhelmed at first, not even knowing where to start, and I like to do it all myself, so I know where everything is.  It feels as if your life is being taken from you, taken away again.  Taken from you because you are putting your whole self in these boxes, your life's stuff, your children's pictures, your kitchen stuff, etc., and I have no idea when I can take it out and use it again.  I even broke down with her here a few times, because it is so upsetting and unsettling.  

But, we started, and then it became easier.  We stopped and talked a lot too, not seeing her since February for my Birthday.  She is my best friend from childhood, one of my best friends for life!  It is so nice to see people you love, that is what makes me happy now, connecting with loved ones, appreciating the people around me.  That is what makes me filled and happy!  We packed Saturday for awhile, and then I ran to take the dogs out and walk them.  Sunday I walked them again in the morning, and we came back and packed some more.  We didn't get much done Saturday, but did so much Sunday!  She packed the whole kitchen for me, and I worked on the living room, and the closets.  When she left I only had my bedroom and bathroom to tackle.  Stuff in the closet too that I wanted to organize like pictures, canvas, and painting supplies.  I still packed after she left, still having that motivation in me.  
When I stopped I was exhausted, and my body felt it, that pain I get.  I woke up crying again Sunday, not knowing how I can keep getting up each day and pushing myself ahead in the world.  We talked about my pain, and as soon as I get some type of health coverage (as I have none), I will look into Doctors again.  

I slept at my boss's home Sunday night, and went back to the apartment again on Monday.  I worked for hours, I didn't realize how much time passed, and how much other stuff I still needed to do.  Packing to me is never ending, it feels as if I am not done until the last minute!  But, for now I am happy my girlfriend came to help me, it helped so much, and I am looking forward to getting out of here, out of this negative environment, and this small apartment all alone!  
Love and Light!!

Waking up Worried Today, Cancel that thought!

I know, I am not suppose to worry, but sometimes it is so hard.  My nanny position ends in three weeks, and I do not have another one lined up yet!  I also am moving in two weeks, and have too much stuff to have to store away still, and not sure where I should take it.  I also have to pack everything away, again.  Thank the Lord my friend is coming to help this time, but this time I asked.  I realize people do offer, but my immediate response is, "No, that's okay, I will be fine",  as I do not want to impose on another.  But I offer to help others, and this time I realized I couldn't do it alone, and needed to ask, and I did.  I am grateful for that!  It is crazy to think some things I just took out of my brothers garage is going back, it is going to be a long, emotional day, a day I am not looking forward to.  Then, after a long day of moving, I may have to drive my brother back south, because we may have to take some items back to his place in the truck.
                                      
I have too much on my mind, always too much to worry about.  The same money thing, so I am going to start listening to Teal Swan's money video, and money meditation every single day!  It's all about that energy, to stay in a high energetic state, knowing the Universe and God will provide for me, for the best of me.  Knowing work will come, the work I am suppose to do.

The nanny jobs seems so depressing since I last looked.  Everyone now wants you to clean their home, along with watching their children, with very little pay now.  They barely want to pay $15 and hour, and I am currently making $20, only caring for the children.  Maybe the Universe is pushing me towards something else, like a Healing Center for All, especially the kids.  Or a Yoga Studio.  The Yoga Studio I have been attending is just one yoga room, a front area of course, and a back area for props and a bathroom.  And the owner is never there, they Yoga Instructor opens and closes the place.  That mean the owner, unless she teaches there, basically does nothing, and is making all the money while she hires teachers to teach.  What do teachers make around here?  Probably around $40 to $50 an hour.  It would be a lot of work putting the program together, and then I question getting my books out first.  See how confused I get about this?  All the time, the Healing Center is always on the back of my brain it seems, maybe I should look for an investor, someone to help me with it.
And then my books, same thing, trying to get the money to get them illustrated!! Thank you Universe in advance for this.

 I have focused on applying for nanny positions all last week when my family was gone, spoke to some women, and went on some interviews.  Like I said, it's not such a happy sight, things have changed in the last few months.  I don't know what to do, but am still looking for a nanny job now, so I can have a weekly income coming in.   A lovely woman called me today from Tenafly, and may want me to watch her kids in the summer and the school year.  The summer is long hours, which would be fine, because I need the money so.  It would maybe allow me to save enough to get to see Teal, as I still want to see her.
                                                   
My life was so different last year, when I was so high going to all of her workshops.  I haven't been to one in 10 months, wow, almost a year, and I feel it.  I feel less connected, less energized, and lonely.  I hope things turn out the way I want them to, we get what we focus on right?  Well, I have been focusing on those homes of mine on the water filled with lots of loved ones, becoming an author, and help change the world!  One Love at a time!  I love you, all of you, whoever you are.  Don't forget, you are wonderful, you are beautiful, you are enough!!
Namaste

Visiting my Brother and his Wife

         

It is Saturday, and I am lonely once again.  I am going to go South to visit my sister in law, who I love so much and always has her door open for me.  Her mother was there, and I talked to her for awhile, and my sister in law made a delicious salmon dinner.  I love her home, they have three acres and live on a quiet road in Monroe, NJ.  Much different there than here, where traffic is everywhere.  I find peace and comfort there, and they have lived there since they have been married.

I so wish I stayed in one home while raising my children.  I guess I am suppose to stop doing this, dwelling over the past, see how those memories creep up automatically?  I need help, advice, someone to maybe hypnotize me and erase my painful past memories.  Not the ones from childhood, I have been working through them for a long time.  But, the ones from when I was divorced, and things I did that caused much more suffering to me.
I could go on and on forever about them, but I will not.  I lost so much, a family, a castle, lots of money I gave to jerky guys and I don't even know why.  I don't even have answers to why I would trust a man, give him so much of my money for whatever reason, and allow him to leave and not do anything about it.  I have let others take advantage of me so many times, with money as well, and never followed my voice and did anything about it.  Always listening to others telling me no, it can't be done.  Don't ever do that!  If you ever feel strongly about something, make sure you follow thru, follow your heart and do it.  Because we have all the answers inside of US, no one else has them for us, and knows what's best for us, but us!  
It is so important to go inside and question things, go meditate, relax, take a bath, work out, whatever, just clear your mind to focus.  To calm the mind down so our innate soul can act, can feel, can answer, all coming from our heart.  To slow down, contemplate, not rush into things as I did for so many years, causing me so much pain in my life.
                                            
Now I want love, love, peace, joy, happiness and of course financial freedom, financial abundance.  Universe, send it to me now, now, today, so I can enjoy the abundance, enjoy my life more each day.
I have joy, I have peace, I have love and abundance in my life now, financial abundance as well.  I thank you Universe for sending it to me!
Namaste all Day! 

Feeling Happy Today, Major Decision to Move Again!

 I have decided to move, I found a house share in a beautiful, condo in Paramus where I use to live, a town I enjoy much more than here.  See, I put it out there to the Universe not wanting to live alone anymore, and not wanting to be here in the summer, and look, it is happening.  I gave my landlord a thirty day notice, and that was a big deal for me to do.  It took me a week before I totally accepted it, and made the decision to move.  I wasn't sure if I wanted to go through such emotions again, it is so emotional moving, and physical.  But, I looked at the bigger picture, me wanting to get out of here, so miserable here especially since my landlords have been giving me such a hard time.  I should thank the Universe for them wanting me to leave as well, this was a big kick for me!  
So much going on so fast, like life is speeding! And it is!  After the new moon, and having an Angel Card Reading party, seems have been changing fast.  My energy has shifted again, thanks so much Universe for that!  Money is coming because I have been working a lot of extra hours, and when my boss is on vacation for two weeks, I can watch the dogs for income as well.  Now, it's just focusing on work at the end of June when my family goes away for the summer!  I wish I could do my spiritual work totally for an income, but until that happens I will need to nanny to supplement my income.  And, I am still trying to manifest money or a gift from someone, to go visit my Spiritual Mentor/Leader/friend, Teal Swan!! This has been my main focus for months, and need to see it happen now.

So, since I have made this decision, I am already so much happier!  I think of getting out of here, not having to deal with these unhappy people that need to focus on the negativity and find things to complain about.  Yes, our energy is very different.  When I went to see the new place, we hit it off immediately, and became instant friends, talking about our children, our past pain, and divorce.  When I went home that night and laid in bed, my body vibrated like it does after a Teal Swan Workshop!  We have great energy together and maybe can do some type of work together.  I know I need to focus on my dreams now though, not anyone else's as I have before.  It's like people want my energy to create their thing, but I need it to create my own thing!  But, then why haven't I created big things yet??
So, here I go, ready to create a new life for myself, as I know it is time, because all is working out so well, things are falling into place easily for a change!  
Namaste!

It's a Beautiful Day Today, the Universe is on my Side!

Feeling so much better today!  Wow, and so many awesome things already happened, that positive vibe is going around, along with the abundance it brings.  
I took the girl I baby sit for to her play yesterday, and when I saw the grandmother she told me they were going to be away all next week.  This disturbed me because the mom did not tell me this when I saw her Friday and she left for her trip.  I mentioned to the grandmother about not knowing, and how I needed to be paid each week as I rely on this money for bills and rent.  She explained she didn't know anything, which she did not, she's in the middle like I am.  This upset me because I am moving, and need the money to pay for the rent, the truck, etc.    
So, this morning I got a call from the Father who is away for awhile.  He explained that his mom explained my situation and wanted to work something out with me.  Since their plans have changed, they are taking the kids away for two weeks in the next month, but explained that I could house sit and watch the dogs during that time if I wanted to.  And, we talked about what he wanted to pay me and it is very generous!  He is truly such a nice man, always happy and positive, and he is a great communicator.  Wow, thank you Universe!  Yes, because I was concerned, but a little voice kept telling me it will work out and not to worry and start panicking.  I am so relieved right now, I am so grateful to have the money keep flowing into my life.               

Now, this gives me the chance to look for another nanny job, and concentrate on making money on my writing.  And, after my Angel Card party, I realized how much I love doing this work, and am going to get myself out there by going back to the tea house I went to, and work on having some monthly parties there, and then weekly!! I met the gentleman who owns the florist, and he created a tea house in the upstairs of the home!  It is so cute up there, and even has a separate small room to do the readings in!  He was checking with someone to make sure it was okay, so I am going to go back and see what happened.  And, I found another tea house in another town, and hope to be able to do readings as well.  My goal is to do my spiritual work for my income, along with my writings.  I know the books will take time to get out there, but the Angel Readings I can do now, along with energy work I do as well.
                            
Blessings!!
                     
                     

My Angel Card Reading Party at my Sister in Laws Home

   

I am so happy to be able to say my energy has shifted tremendously since Saturday when I was so sad and in pain.  I did go to my sister in laws home that night because we had planned an Angel Card Reading party for me, finally!  It was a huge success.  I got to my sister in laws somewhat early to help her get some food ready.  She was so happy and excited, she loves to get together with the girls and it looks like she loves company as well!  I love her so much, she has been a sister to me since I have been 17, and she truly is an Angel on this earth.
I got some space together in her living room, and brought some crystals, a lavender scarf to put everything on, and some candles.  I started out doing the first reading, and wasn't paying attention to the time because there were only a few women there to read.  But, I had no idea I had spent an entire hour with her, although it was only suppose to be a 15 minute reading.  I didn't mind at all, its so beautiful to be able to help guide others on their path here on earth.  She was awesome, and very receptive to the advice from the Angels, and the others were as well.  Since I wasn't paying attention to the time, which I truly can not do again, I spent an entire hour with each one of them.  And then it was after 11:00, and I didn't even get to do a reading for my dear sister in law.  So, I owe her big time!  
               My brother came home as we were leaving, and he didn't even come up to me and say hello and give me a kiss, he just walked by me as I was getting in my car, and went into the house.  When I saw him going inside his house, I said hello to him and asked him how he was.  We haven't had the same energy lately, as he is always on my sister in laws case for something, something to do more of, when she works and has had cancer four times already.  The last time I saw him, he actually told me, "Mind your own business", when I butted in to stick up for my sister in law when he wanted to put her to work after she worked a fund raiser all day, and we were chatting outside.  I barely go to their home anymore, due to my brother.  But, I talk to my sister in law all the time, and still see her often.  Yes, I love my brother, and would always be there for him, but right now he has issues with me, and I lay low!  I can brush it off now, and let let him get to me like I use to.
I realized when I woke up Sunday I was in a much better state of mind.  Although my pain was even more severe, my mental state was better.  I felt a shift in energy, which must have been from doing the Angel Readings, being so close to the Angels, and the energy around, must have lifted me up as well.  It's so beautiful to think we can try to help others, and along the way, we also are being helped!  I forget that, and need to remember that more.  Just like doing energy work or Reiki, when your working on someone sending them light, the light is going through you as well, healing everyone along the way!
                                                  
My daughter actually had some free time, and we got to meet for some food at the diner.  Her boyfriend is away a few days, so it gives her time to see me!  We had a really nice time, I always love to catch up on her life, her new life with her boyfriend.  
After that I went to the park because it was so beautiful out I did not want to stay inside!  So, I took my blanket to my favorite somewhat private spot, and made some phone calls.  I called a few of my brothers to talk to them about our camping trip in July.  I decided to have an annual trip, family reunion, and friends, for a weekend on the Delaware Water Gap.  I am excited about this, I love to be with my family and we don't get together like we use to.  And, my two nieces have two boys each, and it gives them the opportunity to get to know each other better and have fun together.  
So, I am grateful today for my positive focus, my shift in energy, and the love that is around me from my daughter, my son, and my family! 
Lots of Love!!

Rough Week Watching the Kids Overnight

 It truly is amazing how my body is affected by the giving I do for others and from running around for days.  My boss needed me to watch the kids overnight this week and it was really tough on my body.  When I finally got home Friday night, I was in so much pain, ugh.  I went to bed really early as well.  Waking up Saturday, I was so out of it, drained, and very sleepy feeling exhausted, along with such burning pain I was crying again.  I am getting so tired of even writing about it, so I am sorry, it's very crazy to me.  Then, that pain put me in a downward spiral, leaving me crying over how sad I am in my life now as well. 

                  

I had to take the boy I care for to gymnastics on a Saturday, even though I had plans for the day.  She really needed him to get there, and at first I told her I could not do it.  I decided not to sacrifice my stuff for her, especially because she did not want to pay me overnight for watching the children and the two dogs.  And, I found out people pay from $60-$80 a night just to PET sit!  Then when we were together, she asked again, and of course I feel badly, and I give in and offer to take him there.  Limits, boundaries, pain, when am I going to get it?  Wake up, I tell myself, say no and set limits due to the pain it all puts me in.  Everyone seems so draining to me, like they want so much from me all the time.  Not my children any longer, but the families I care for, they always want me to do more and more, and I have a hard time setting boundaries and saying no.  I am such a pleaser, always wanting to please others first.  But what is that telling yourself?  That you are second, not first, the most important!  I guess these are opportunities to set my boundaries, and learn to say no and protect myself.  I want to be able to say no, when I need to, and put myself first.  It's funny, growing up I was the opposite, I was so strong, such a rebel, and fought for my rights.  But, with my ex I fought back as well, but gave in to him too!  Much learning I have ahead of me! 

Then, my boss asked me to dog sit the two dogs she has when they go away, and I had to text her back first, asking what she wanted to pay me first.  At least I learned from this, and am being more assertive already with her.  She never did get back to me.  

I was so blessed by my other family, they paid me two weeks vacation, sick days, and snow days.  My new family always expected me to go in on a snow day when the kids didn't have school, and drive them to their events in the afternoon when I do not like to drive in the snow. I wouldn't have minded if I lived in their town, but I do not.  The one night I left their home in a snow storm, it took me over an hour to get home, and I almost was run over by a truck!  That is when I said "no" to myself, no more driving that far in the snow for anyone!    I went in the snow storms because I was always worrying about making enough, enough money, more money.  I am so tired of living this way, I am now going to accept a life filled with financial abundance, and the freedom it brings to me!  My goal is to manifest so much money I can live in the homes I want to on the water, and give my children all the money 
they ever need!    

Namaste

Mothers Day

It was a beautiful day!  The sun was shining, and my oldest daughter wanted my son and I to meet her at her apartment, and we would leave for Hoboken from there.  The girls planned brunch in Hoboken, and then we were going to take Jake for a walk.  

              

When I arrived at my daughter's apartment, she came down so happy and free.  It was really nice to see her, I miss her so much.  I love her so much and wish I did so many things different, so many things seem so unfair.  But today was going to be an awesome day with my children, more so because we are no longer living together.  A very special day for me!  When I walked in, she was so happy to give me a beautiful amethyst necklace!  She had bought one for herself as well, but hers was a beautiful citrine.  

I drove with my son, my daughter drove alone.  We took two cars because my son had to go to work, and we were going to take a walk.  It is always nice to be in a car ride with any of my children, because that is a time they love to talk.  I don't even have to ask them questions, things just come out of them.  When they need to vent.  My children always have so much to worry about, their father, me, their little sister, too many emotional responsibilities at such a young age.

When we got to the restaurant the wait was not very long at all.  The girls sat next to each other, and I sat next to my son.  My daughters were so glad to see each other, it was really nice to see them together.  They are so blessed to have each other, as I never had a sister, but did have six brothers.  We talked about so many things, and spoke about my new daughter's fairly new relationship.  It is so beautiful to see love unfolding in front of your eyes, it just spreads outwards to everyone!  I love it.  

   

After we ate, my daughters and I went to her boyfriends home in Hoboken, changed, and took Jake for a walk.  It is always nice walking around the water, overlooking the City.  Although I am a country/beach fan, the view is beautiful.  There are lots of people out and about, and the energy was good.  Then, my daughter and I left, and she invited me back to her apartment.  We just relaxed and laid around and watched a movie.  The champagne left me with terrible neck pain, so I was happy to just lay around and rest, and hang out with my daughter.  I am glad she invited me back, because sometimes she does not want me around!  It was an awesome, blessed day, and I have so much to be grateful for!
Amen

Fundraising Event for Baby Sloane

My sister in law invited me to attend a fundraiser she was part of for her Parish.  It was for a baby who was born with his intestines outside, and is a year old now.  The Parish held in inside garage sale, which sold baskets and 50/50 tickets, and the money went to his family for their medical bills.  Baby Slaone was there, and he is so cute with a nice full head of brown hair.  I got to say hello to him while they were in the car getting ready to leave, and he was so happy, kicking his feet and raising his hands up and down in excitement!  Wow, what a pleasure and joy it was to see this baby after what he has gone through already in his life, so full of life and excitement.  It truly makes you stop and smell the roses.  It reminds me of all the things I have to be grateful for, and reminds me of my blessings.  I am grateful for so many things in my life, especially my children, and my family, and my soul family.  I truly have wonderful people in my life now, I just want to live closer to some of them and see them every day.  
                                                               

I decided to do some Angel Card Readings, and offered to donate half of the money I made towards the fundraiser.  I had the opportunity to read the baby's Mother, who was so amazing.  How much strength this woman and man must have, to be going through this.  Her cards were wonderful, the first card was Perfect Timing, reminding her whatever she is thinking about doing, she should do it now, it is the perfect time.  She expressed she wanted to get into Photography, and we spoke of her making this happen.  The second card was Trust and Guidance, trusting in God and the Universe to make this happen!  Great second card!  The last card spoke about her situation with her child, Surrender and     .  This card is about surrendering your problems over to the Lord, knowing he will take care of things for us.  Surrendering, releasing, not doing it all yourself, but letting go and letting God handle it, knowing you have love and support along the way. Knowing we do not have to handle any situation alone, that God is there for strength and he will send others to help us along the way.   As we spoke about this card she explained that she was so overwhelmed over the fundraiser the Parish put together for them.  She was content and happy after the reading, and was so grateful.  I was happy to have shared this with her, and hopefully touch her in some way.  What a sign of love and strength she has, and what a beautiful soul she is.  We will keep in touch on face book in the future, and I can see her son growing up.  

It was a beautiful, gorgeous day, the best day of the year by far, so when we got out at 3:00 I went to my sister in laws home, and laid on the grass in her yard for awhile.  My neck and back pain was so intense, I rubbed peppermint all over it, and laid in the sun ad meditated for awhile.  My body has been getting into so much pain when I am out all day now.  We decided to go out for a bite to eat, which was not smart on my part due to my pain.  I didn't get home until 11:00 pm, and left at 9:00 am.  It seems when I am around a ton of people, and out all day, my body aches terribly.  I am going to bed, and am rubbing peppermint oil all over my neck and back.  

I have another big day tomorrow, going to a Cesar Millan event with my daughter and son in Queens.  Cesar now runs workshops all over, teaching everyone how to train their dogs because so many of us do not know how.  If you know anything about Cesar, he is amazing with dogs.  And his show is also amazing, he is funny as hell, and very entertaining.  He also interacts with the crowd, and gets everyone involved.  We laughed so much while he was teaching us how to be better dog owners, how to be the pack leader, and how to have calm and assertive energy.

Can't wait to go tomorrow and spend time with my son, my daughter, and Cesar.
Namaste