Had a really tough afternoon yesterday, had to get myself to Starbucks to see if my son was working and he was. I hung out there for three hours, posting on care.com for a nanny position once again. Although I am praying for my spiritual work to come through for financial abundance, I feel I could use a back up. I want to find a place to live now, now so I can feel "settled" somewhere. I still need a place to go, a place to call home awhile, as I know this is not it. I totally jumped into staying here, after moving into that room a week ago, the following weekend I packed my room again, alone, and moved it alone this time too. Packed up Friday, Saturday, and Sunday a few loads! And, even the stuff I left here, I have to go through and organize and keep as little as possible. That means not many clothes, some candles, crystals, and toiletries.
Then, onto my way to a new place.
I woke up today crying, crying more because I feel so alone, and realize I don't have many friends here. I use to be so social my entire life, and pulled away from people years ago, and lost my best friends up here when I got divorced. I was so very social my entire life, always with family around, always around my sister in laws, our children, always connected to others. This I am finally realizing is what is truly hurting me now, the connection I had with others and am lacking now. Waking up without anyone to be able to visit, to hang out with, to reach out to, is pretty sad. It made me realize I need to find some groups I can join, like minded souls, like on meet up. It's a great site to connect with others, and I have been using it for years, finding my spiritual stuff there. That is how I found a Shaman, and a place to go for kirtan, drum circles, sound healing, etc. I love it there, it's just a drive on the Parkway that I am so tired of!
I also have one or two woman I found at the sound healing that I need to reach out to again. And maybe I can find someone who wants to get a place together and create a new home, a small intentional community of my own.
I reached out to my sister in law this morning because I was so upset I needed to talk to a loved one. How much that helps, it's wonderful. She was kind, caring, compassionate and understanding, all that you want in a friend for love and support. I need others like that up here for me, so I can physically see them and hang out. Universe, God, send them to me today, send me loving souls to help hold my hand on this journey, as I can hold theirs as well! Thank you, Amen!
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