Another Cold, Rainy Day

Hello
Oh boy, another rainy day.  This rain and cold weather is getting to me.  I can't even motivate myself to pack, so I have just been fooling around all day probably not even accomplishing a thing. 
 I did get on Face book a lot, and missed an amazing trip to Utah with my soul family.  I am so bummed about that, it still upsets me that I chose not to go, I even had a plane ticket to go.  And my best buddy went, and even got a house for everyone the last minute.  All I needed was a little nudge, someone to say, come on, we want you there.  I know I should already know that, but it's obvious I lack something, self love, self worth, stuff I am still working on obviously.  Sometimes if you are not sure what to do, it is nice to know someone cares enough to tell you they would love to see you, they want you to go.  I think I have been the one my entire life calling everyone and asking to come by, not waiting for others to call me and invite me.  Why would that be so?  Will they never invite me being too busy with their own lives, not being able to find the time to fit me in, or not wanting to fit me in?  Not in a hurtful or personal way, but if anyone truly wanted to see me and spend time with me, they would.  I wouldn't have to be the one always reaching out to others inviting myself over, or calling them all the time.  I am so tired of doing that, I have decided to stop that a few months ago, and I do not hear from those people as often either.  The Universe will send me others who really want my company and want me in their life because they enjoy being with me.  But, these soul friends would never know that, that I just needed a little pull, that's my issue.  There were other reasons I didn't want to go also, but when I spoke to my friend and she was busy packing and got a house for everyone, I truly thought of going, and said I would think about it, I truly would have loved to have seen her, and the others.  
But, for some reason, I talked myself out of it.  I am confused because I thought I was better at listening to my guides, and knowing what to do because they are always with me and I am always listening.  But, I am second guessing this and feel I truly missed one of the best Workshops ever, in one of the most beautiful places, Utah!  Wow, I could have been there, and really enjoyed all that loving from everyone, and would have come home super high as I usually do.
California really threw me off, I didn't like the energy at all there, feeling like so many were disconnected.  I met some awesome people from the Workshop, but I was in a strange place that entire weekend.  The first problem was that my motel was awful, I cried when I saw it.  I should have found another place instantly, but decided to just "deal with it".  Little did I know it would hurt my time there.  The second problem is when I was trying to find everyone on the Beach in Venice Friday night, I could not, and I walked around for 45 minutes freezing in the cool breeze and being really unhappy.  I was blaming others for me not being able to find where they were on the beach, and couldn't understand why no one could help me to find them.  It was a bad experience, and while I was waiting for my ride back to the motel, the energy on the streets by the bars on the pier, was one I didn't like.  It felt creepy to me, I can't really explain it, I just couldn't wait to leave.
The energy at the workshop was even different than the others I have attended.  Some of the ones chosen to talk to Teal, didn't open their heart.  Being somewhat arrogant, and almost questioning her on her abilities.  It was confusing to watch, wondering why they raised their hand in the first place and were chosen. 
The gathering at the house that night was awesome, so loving and fun.  It is beautiful to meet new people who love Teal, and always awesome to see my old friends, my soul family from long ago, and it keeps growing!  We had a singing session for awhile, thanks to Chris starting that.  The funny thing is I just found the Beatles music again on you tube, my brothers listened to them in the 70's, and I got caught up in other music when my children were growing up, music they listened to.  So, after finding the Beatles again, I am so in love, their songs are so amazing, so filled with love and the music is a great mood lifter, well most of it anyway. 

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 So, as we were sitting in the living room in the Los Angeles house, Chris pulls out a guitar and starts jamming all Beatle songs! Oh my, how funny is that? Not a coincidence, but a synchronicity for sure.  It was a lot of fun, and created even better memories of these Beatle's songs!  We hung out pretty late.  We even saw some UFO's in the sky, with some of my friends totally into it, watching the UFO in the sky very far away, but moving back and forth closer to us.  
So, now I will plan for Florida, but I am still hurt over Utah.  I have to figure out a way to get some motivation to finish packing this house, I guess I will start tomorrow, another day.  Tonight I am going to attack my bedroom, and all the papers in it.  Once I start, I get into it, it's just the starting!  I am going now to make some soup for the girls while I am still with them and can cook for them, I do not cook every day anymore.  We all eat such different things, and when I cook daily for myself, the kids do not always like it because of the way I eat, no meat, no dairy, and I follow an Ayurveda diet for myself, which comes along with alot of restrictions.  Many times I do cook, and they do not want to eat either, each day is so different.  
Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy yourself and your life, if we can't what's the point of living?
Namaste all day!