Packing Up

Namaste
Here I go again, moving.  I will tell you, I can no wait until I buy my own home next year on the lake and never have to move from there!  I want roots, I have been flying too long.  I want to ground, to get centered and stay there.
Packing has been pretty emotional.  I have been going through the basement first because I do not even know what is in the bins, other than holiday decorations.  I found an old bin of pictures of the children, and we have tons.  Cassie and I went through some of them, there were many of my ex and I, old ones of us alone, and some of us with the kids.  Those are memories I will always cherish, and will never forget those days.  I had a nice time with Cassie going through the pictures, she was enlightened when she saw herself in so many pictures with the animals, the horses, dogs, cats, farm animals, etc., always flocking to her!  I tried going through more pictures alone today, but had to stop I was getting too emotional.  Pictures really hit me hard, they make me cry and cry, of those memories that are gone, blown away with the wind.  I will always feel connected to my ex husband, we have a very strong bond together, being together in many lifetimes. I know now he is going through a tough time in his life, and I will always care about his health and happiness.  He is not always very healthy and having a hard time now.  So, I have been holding him in love and light as I have been doing for my children and my soul family lately.
 I have the need to see him, to meet with him so we can talk.  I want to tell him that someone cares, that I care about him, and I always will.  I found my wedding dress in the basement in a huge box.  I threw the box away, and washed my dress because it smelled somewhat.  It came out beautiful. I tried it on and it felt so fun to be in, I remember having so much fun at our wedding, so much love and fun!  Then, as I was showering later in the day, all of a sudden I hear a song in my head.  Guess what song it was?  Our wedding song, "Always and Forever".  I sang the entire song for myself, and it was beautiful and brought tears to my eyes.  This was not planned at all, all just flowing through me because I am in a more allowing place, and have opened my heart to love.  The memories were amazing, and I kept looking up, pretending I was singing the song into his eyes!  He is very tall and I had to look up at him the entire day, especially dancing, and remember waking up with a sore neck!
I am going to put all the Wedding pictures in one place, and maybe burn them next year.  I am not ready to do that yet, as I still have visions of us being together in this lifetime, with that little miracle girl of his.  I feel very connected to her, and I am for sure.  I always had a sense of innate love for her since she was born, even when I had never met her.
My sleep has been very heavy at night, waking up in the morning very heavy and out of it, like I truly am in another world as I sleep, and we truly are.  So many of my dreams have been with my ex husband, and with my soul sister, Teal.  I miss her when I am aware and awake, I miss her a lot, like I should be living near her, being her girlfriend, just hanging out, laughing and sharing love!!