Namaste
So many changes all the time, wow, life never changed so fast before. I use to love change, now, after moving so many times with my kids growing up, I want stability, security, and moving does not give me that. But, the contrast is telling me to manifest my own home, my own, a nice sense of stability and comfort for me. A home I can do anything to, and have family over for dinner and fun times always. I love entertaining, and we always did, but since I have been here in this house, I haven't done it very often. And being an hour away from my family, makes it more of a hassle for my family to come. I don't have many friends, my family is the base of my friendships. I am asking the Universe to send me more like minded souls, that live near me so I can hang out with them and feel young again. It is so nice to connect with loved ones when you do not have a spouse. That sense of connection is gone, its just you and Source. And, sometimes you get lost, lost and sad on your own, like I have gotten many times. Yes, the light always does shine bright the next day, but the contrast still exists.
So, today I ran errands with my daughters, it was interesting. They are both always in such a rush, not realizing the enjoyment of the moment. They see many things as a "problem" and complain at times. I am wondering how they expect to shine, and find love and peace in the world, when they are sending out such toxic words, and thoughts. I can not tell them any longer, having said it many times before. I wish I could snap my fingers and help them see in a second how quick it is to change your thoughts, thus change your life, your reality to abundance of infinite love and gratitude! I love them dearly, and hold them in the light. Sometimes when I am positive, they have to shoot it down with their negative. It's like I felt with my ex, when I am happy, or do something fun or funny, they get "annoyed" and cop some crazy attitude towards me. I realized I haven't allowed myself to shine because the way I feel around them. How could I get to the place I want to on this journey with the way this makes me feel? I certainly could not, I am grateful for this move and change now, boy what a change in my thoughts. My daughter actually told me today that when she moved out she didn't want to see me much, she wants to live her life herself. I didn't even get upset, not taking it personal, but it was shocking to hear her say this. I already told myself I will totally let go, when they want me around or to talk, they can call. I will not bug them, just send them love texts here and there. I know it will be okay, and we will all be safe, and heal, and totally shine our light out to the world, but most importantly, within ourselves!
I have decided to be concentrating on the future. I picture myself where I will be living, although we did not finalize it yet. It is a nice, cozy place in a a community where I will have instant clients to work with. I want to teach some yoga classes there, and some Energy Classes I have made up with the energy work of Donna Eden's. There is also a new Senior Citizen building in Monroe near my brother, and I am going to stop by there and talk to them about my programs as well. I also am going to concentrate on getting the love out to the kids in the School systems, telling them how bright they are and how they are here to shine their light. Also, to work with the "bullies", who just need love too. I am excited about this, and have a friend I met when I went back to The College of New Jersey and she was in my Psych class, and told me about the bully program she ran in one school system. I want to get the foundation from her, and add my teachings from Teal Swan, putting them in children's words. I also have written a few children's books, and will be publishing those books, and want to give them out to the children as well. So much fun this will be for me. So, like I said I will be busy and have a lot to concentrate on.
I also want to publish my adult book, the same name as this blog, "My Spiritual Journey to Self Love". Can't wait, to finally have these dreams come true for me. I know I need to be alone to be able to totally focus on this, and to have a sense of love, peace and harmony around me all the time. Then I will have my home on the lake, a healing home, where friends and family can come to hang out, vent, cry, laugh, have fun and heal! What a joy to have others come into my space of love, and cook for them, and hang out in beautiful mother earth, and enjoy one another's company?
Yes, it will be a totally different life, but now it is one I am excited about and looking forward too. I have been packing only a little yesterday and today, but it's okay, I am taking my time going through everything. Today I found old letters from John, and from me to him, After reading most of them, I put them in the fireplace and burnt them. They were sad, most of my letters were about blaming myself for all of our problems, how I didn't treat him nice enough, etc. This was actually new for me, I never realized I felt this way. I remember him hurting me with his words and I had to run away into another room, or even outside. It became very hard and very sad at the end, he was so angry and hurt and lashed out to me. For when you love someone so much and feel so connected to them, when they hurt you your first reaction is to hurt back. But, now I understand his pain more, and feel badly that we both hurt each other so much. I know he is part of my soul family many times over, and I still feel very connected to him, even though I have cut cords from us many times. I hope we can become friends someday soon. He needs others in his life now, and has a beautiful daughter who is a year and a half old. I have infinite love for her, It is a beautiful thing. She is the miracle in his life, the one to awaken him, and show him unconditional love. She has brought him and my children back together, and I am grateful for that. We need to become friends soon so I can become part of her life as I am suppose to be. I am waiting for the Universe to make this happen. I am trusting the Universe will put me where I should be, physically, emotionally, mentally and physically. I am ready, here I go to fly!
I realize I have so much to be grateful for, and on my spiritual journey, I remember to give gratitude daily, many times throughout the day as well. It makes the way so much nicer, and easier, as the Universe sends you more and more to be grateful for!
Much Love and Light to all!!
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