My Friends Party, Feeling Connected, Spoke to my other Brother!

Okay, another day of confusion, trying to figure my life out in thirty days or less!  That is what I feel like, knowing that was the amount of time I had here, in this home which feels like being in the forest, thank the Heavens for that.  I am going back and forth on where to stay for awhile, either here, up North where my kids are, or Central Jersey, an hour South of here, to where my other family is, my brothers, sister in laws and only about one friend.  I don't have a huge support system either way, I do everything alone, make my own decisions, etc. Everyone in my family get busy with their own life, unlike my ex's.  We were always together, loving the connection, wanting to be together and celebrating life.  

 I sat on the bed this morning realizing how lonely I am, how so many other people I know, are never alone, family is up their butt 24/7, and they love it, they need it, they couldn't live any other way.  They depend on each other, complain to each other about things, and are always talking with someone, always having someone to listen to them any time of any day.  Wow, did I change my life drastically when I divorced.  So many things changed, I wish had not.  I love others coming and going, having an open home for family and friends to always come to, always be there for each other even just physically.  To see people each day, their energies coming into and out of your home, is so comforting to me now, and not having it I am realizing how much I miss it, and how I took it for granted.  For granted, I took the loved ones in my life for granted, but I do not any longer.  Now, I am always telling my children or family how grateful I am to be with them, to talk to them, bond with them, reconnect about their life, their dreams, their anything.  Waking up alone daily is so very draining.  Draining to be alone, with no comfort around, no one to share a "Good morning", no one to share your happiness, sadness, what you are doing for the day, no bond, no connection to anyone.  Just you, and who else?  Yes, Source, God, the Universe is there, I know. But, I do not feel that ultimate connection yet, feeling the power of being connected to all things, and to each other, and the Universe.
So, yesterday my girlfriend had a party for her daughter who graduated High School, and I realized how nice it was to even be around her, around them, a family I have known since I have been divorced.  I was always so connected, and grew up with a huge family, and had my sister in laws and my eight nieces and nephews around, along with my three children.  We were together all the time, we were so happy, so happy to enjoy raising our children together and being up each others butt.  I suppose the drastic change gets to me, when I ask the Universe why?  Why I went from being so connected to so many, to barely being connected to anyone, or at least feeling that way.  That is because I like the door opening and closing in my home, with amazing souls walking in and out of it.  So, my dream is to have a home on the water, with loving souls in it with me, all the time, and extra souls coming in and out anytime they want.  It is not only about money for me, success, as I have said, its so much about love, having loving ones around me, connection, enjoying each others company, doing things together.  So many things I wish I did differently, but I won't go back there now.  I will focus on what I want, what makes me happy and what feels good, and hop on the Pain of Joy.  And when the money comes, it will go to help as many people as I can get it to help, in so many ways. 
                                             
So, after the party yesterday my plan was to visit another brother of mine, the oldest, to see if I can stay with him a few weeks, or months, until I figure out where to be.  I need a plan this time, knowing where I will lay my head, because this is draining, and confusing.  He was happy and in a good mood, and we talked for awhile.  I doubt he gets many visitors, but I stop by often to see him when I am down that way, knowing he is alone like me.  He was divorced when I did, and has one son.  He never remarried, and hasn't brought many women around, more like me that way.  
I finally got the balls to ask him if I could stay in August, he said yea, sure, and showed me the room I would be in.  He has a small Cape Cod, and there are two small rooms downstairs along with the Living Room.  His bedroom is upstairs.  The room is fine, he was so nice about it.  He also has a dog which I love, of course, and I will enjoy her being around.  Yes, she will be hairy he explained, but I will keep her out of the bedroom I sleep in to help with the hair, and at this point, I truly do not even care about that.  
After being turned down by my other brother, I had a fear of rejection from this brother too.   As people are not who they seem to me.  Either my family has changed big time, or I have become so bad about reading others energies!   
So, for now I feel relief, relieved I will have a place to lay my head for now.  
Thank you God, Universe, Source
Much love always