I was woke up not so happy Saturday, feeling confused getting ready to enjoy the day with my family. Not feeling settled, living out of boxes, is a terrible feeling for me. I thought I would be happy here, but I am not. I want a home, a place to lay my head and rest where I am not alone, and others care about me.
My niece gave my sister in law a surprise 60th Birthday Party Saturday, it was so nice! She was surprised, and so happy, and what her daughter did for her was touching. This is the sister in law I met when I was 17, as she met my brother that long ago, and has been in the family ever since. But, she is very special, an Angel on this earth, always giving with her heart innately, because she cares and is so compassionate. It was great to see my daughters, as it always is, and to catch up on everyone's life. One of my nieces is buying a home this year with her fiance, moving in and getting married next year! I am so happy for her. My other nieces are totally successful and happy, two have a wonderful marriage, and do not have to struggle financially, which is always a plus to me! After the party I went to my sister in laws home and hung out there with them for the night. Her mom visits on the weekend, and loves to see me and we talk. My niece hangs out with us too, just listening, laughing, and I am sure she thinks I am crazy, because many times I go there with such confusion, and she hears all about it, unfortunately. She is very quiet, and I always wonder what she is thinking. When I left it was pouring rain, I should have asked to sleep over, but I did not. It took me over an hour and a half to get home, there was so much traffic and the rain was pretty bad. I was not a happy camper either, too hard to see driving in the rain!
When I woke up Sunday, I just knew I no longer want to live alone at all! After enjoying the day with my family, and waking up alone Sunday, it made me realize where I need to be, to try to live with someone in my family. There are a few brothers who I could live with, it's just trying to figure out where I would feel more at home, and not be in their way.
Then I realized how nice it would be to live with my sister in law, the one who just turned 60. She always has told me I could stay with her, until last year when I needed a place she explained how she would let me stay, "If I didn't hate my brother so much!" That comment shocked me, as I did not hate him. He just has been on my case the last few years, almost like I did something to him that I don't know about, and sometimes gives me a hard time, and it upsets me. I must be a big trigger for him, I hope we can talk about it some day. Sometimes I feel his demands on my sister in law are great, and I worry about her health, but they are so in love, and work so well together, and that's beautiful to be around!
Then after Thanksgiving was changed two years ago, I pulled away from them for awhile, feeling hurt and who knows what else. But, after that he made such a wonderful point to call me for my Birthday, and text me "Happy Mothers Day", and I thought all was fine. I was touched he reached out to me, and was happy for that, moving on. So, when she made that comment it just made me realize she felt there would be too much tension between us to live together, I understood that, and found another place to live. But, now its months later, and I really need a place to stay for awhile where I feel loved. Not just a place to crash, but to have some type of support system as well. And my sister in law would love me there, she loves to socialize, loves people, and loves them around like I do. So, I am on my way there today, to talk to her, and see what she thinks about me spending the summer with her, until I figure this all out. Hopefully my brother will be cool about if, if not, my oldest brother who is single, has told me I can live there last year when I needed a place. This would not be my first choice because he is not very happy with his life, that energy is tough to be around all the time, and his home is very small, and he has a dog that smells up the entire home. He's a bachelor, so I get it, at least it would be a safe place to lay my head for awhile.
Then after Thanksgiving was changed two years ago, I pulled away from them for awhile, feeling hurt and who knows what else. But, after that he made such a wonderful point to call me for my Birthday, and text me "Happy Mothers Day", and I thought all was fine. I was touched he reached out to me, and was happy for that, moving on. So, when she made that comment it just made me realize she felt there would be too much tension between us to live together, I understood that, and found another place to live. But, now its months later, and I really need a place to stay for awhile where I feel loved. Not just a place to crash, but to have some type of support system as well. And my sister in law would love me there, she loves to socialize, loves people, and loves them around like I do. So, I am on my way there today, to talk to her, and see what she thinks about me spending the summer with her, until I figure this all out. Hopefully my brother will be cool about if, if not, my oldest brother who is single, has told me I can live there last year when I needed a place. This would not be my first choice because he is not very happy with his life, that energy is tough to be around all the time, and his home is very small, and he has a dog that smells up the entire home. He's a bachelor, so I get it, at least it would be a safe place to lay my head for awhile.
So, we will see what happens today! Sending my love and light for the day, hoping all goes well, and my Spirit Guides, and Angels stay with me then entire day!
Namaste!
Namaste!
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