Beyond Depressed!

Oh my, what have I done?
I am sooo sad today, so many worries on my head and sadness in my heart!! 
First of all, I woke up with a bad rash a few days ago, all along my torso that I seem to get every single January!  Regardless if it is from stress or it is shingles, it is so itchy I can't stop it, and so red and raw all over.  Great, just great.  
Then, I am waking up in severe body pain, all day, all night, and it never goes away, only gets worse.  I can not bathe where I am staying now, the tub has a white film on it all the time, and too many people are home for me to relax.  I also have a low thyroid I am not taking anything for, and that could be why I am feeling so much pain.  My physical therapist always told me to make sure my thyroid levels were correct.  I haven't taken medicine for this for over six months.  I am going to buy a supplement The Edgar Cayce Center sells in NY, you can order it online which I will do as soon as I get paid today.  I do not know how to face this pain every single day, and how I am suppose to laugh, smile, follow my joy, and live a happy life suffering so.  I ask my pain why, whats's going on?  It makes me want to give up, not being able to do this any longer, feeling so weak, so sad, and so alone!  
I am waking up realizing how I truly have nothing, nothing, no place to live, nothing of my own.  It makes me so sad to see that I have gotten to such a low place in my life, when I was so high last summer.  I had a huge home where I raised my children for four years, I wish now that I stayed there, and got some room mates to share the home with me.  I gave that up for this small cubical, no home for myself, none of my stuff around, not even my own bed.  I am sad, it doesn't get much lower than this.  When I am this sad I do not even want to write, to write for what?  To throw the sadness and pain in my face?  
Or, to give me the opportunity to do shadow work, inner child work to see where the root of this sadness comes from.  It's always the same feeling not wanted, not cared for, not loved.  It seems like every sad, desperate, feeling is from childhood.  I am so tired of always doing this work, always looking at what happened as a child, isn't there a point where it stops?  Where that child is integrated, and knows it its loved, and that was old stuff, the contracts broken, this is a new time.  
All I know is I want a home I can call my own.  With my own couch, my own bed, my own tables and chairs, just my place, just for me, that I can call "home" for awhile!!
Shante