The Note ~ Time to Move Out

Namaste
So, I have been waking up in so much pain every morning.  I am doing Reiki on my neck and stomach each morning and each night in bed, as my stomach has been hurting so much as well.  Ugh, that's all I can say.  I am trying to be in the moment with this pain, and ask what does it want to tell me.  What is it stopping me from doing?  Do I feel not worthy enough to accomplish my dreams?  Am I afraid of what?  I feel I am ready to have my books published, and know they will be enjoyed and bought, but I am working on a way to get this done.  The Universe is suppose to send me people to help accomplish this for me, so let's wait and see what happens.  I just have to stay positive about it, and keep moving in a forward direction towards this goal, always with dreams of it already happening, of me visiting children all over the Country and reading them my books.  And having my adult book published as well, all about my spiritual journey to self love!  What a journey it is, the ups and downs, like a roller coaster.  I really was on the road to bliss, and then my life shifted totally with my kids moving out, and me moving as well.  My Shaman explained that I have reached a higher level, and when you do, it's always the hardest.  Well, at least there is an explanation for it, which is comforting to me.  But, that's okay, I am here now, and ready to succeed. 

 I am staying at my brothers house and he told me when I moved in it was only for a few weeks, and those weeks are up.  Christmas is in five days, and as I was on the phone with my daughter this morning and went downstairs I found an note from my brother.  Time to move out! At the end of the month, he was very nice about it, but it still made me cry.  I told my daughter I had to get off the phone so I could just process this (and I didn't want to cry to her!), and I did.  I cried a bit, but wasn't angry at my brother, he told me from the start it was just for a few weeks, and he meant it!  He said he likes his privacy, and he does, I think we all have shadows to hide.  I give us, Teal Tribe, so much credit for trying to be authentic and not hide behind our shadows any longer!  We are Warriors, and so are you!  We are all here to shine our light so bright, to do something we love to do and make a difference in the world!  And to love ourselves and become whole. 
 Anyway (sorry, I got off track), I called my other brother who said I could stay with him if I needed to, and he was surprised at my other brother's way of handling it, but that's the way he is.  But, he said sure, after the holidays.  Well that brings me to the first weekend in January, and I was asked to leave at the end of the month.  Wow, look at what I manifested for myself, really no place to go, just forcing myself upon others, which I do not want to do.  I have to figure this out, and change my plan somehow.  I need to find a space to go within two weeks to be alone, and not live with someone who really doesn't want me there.  My reaction would be, sure, of course, you can move in now if you want, we would love to have you.  Guess I am very different, I don't know, but I do know my Parents always taught me to always be there for each other, that's all you have, and for me, that's true.  Guess it's not true for all of us.
I have a another shift in my attitude after seeing my best friend's brother have a brain aneurysm two weeks ago, and is blessed to be alive.  His Mother also passed away years back from the same thing, and the day this happened to him was his Mother's Birthday!  Wow, this is truly a wake up call for him to take care of himself, and he really is now.  He speaks of the things he loves to do and wants to do, like retire and move south.  Sounds beautiful to me.  Anyway, I look at how I am living now, in one room, without my belongings, my couches, Dining Room table, and with a brother who doesn't really want me here, but I now see the bigger picture of it being only temporary, and I am focusing on what I do want.  My own place, writing my books, helping the children, working with Teal, and meeting the man of my dreams!  These are my dreams for the New Year.  This year I will do many more rituals, knowing what I know now I can!  
Namaste